一百样东西

谢天谢地 我以为你不在
Thank God. I thought you were gone.
不过 她还能去哪
But I mean, where would she go?
保罗 你是我见过的最有趣的人
Paul, you’re the funniest person I know!
你也是我唯一认识的人
You’re also the only person I know.
这是她讲的第二个笑话
That’s her second joke!
-你喜欢吗 -太棒了
– Did you like it? – Fantastic!
我自己想出来的
I thought of it myself.
-你太赞了 -你也很棒
-You’re great! – You’re great!
-算了吧 -保罗 我爱你
Stop it! – Paul, I love you!
这是假象 我不会和我的发明谈恋爱
Just pretending. I wouldn’t fall for with my own invention.
她喜欢我而已
She just likes me.
想象一下如果和你们的数据库连接
Imagine if we combined that with your databases.
-可能性是巨大的 -不 不
– The possibilities are enormous. – No, no!
可能性是无限的
The possibilities are endless!
配合你们的计算技术
With your computing power,
我们可以提供心理咨♥询♥
we could give psychological counseling,
陪伴老人 抚慰儿童
keep old people company, console children,
没人再需要工作 没人会感到孤独
nobody would have to work or be lonely.
我们可以让人们幸福
We could make people happy!
抱歉
Excuse me.
人类现在已经可以保持13小时的幸福了
Humanity is being made happy for 13 hours now.
幸福 幸福 幸福
Happy, happy, happy…
你的热情让我反胃
Your enthusiasm is giving me acid reflux.
非常感谢你
Thank you very much.
你可能会想知道 这对你们有什么好处
You’re probably wondering what’s in it for you.
这是保罗过去三个月的行走路线
These… are Paul’s walking routes in the past three months.
这是保罗
And this is Paul,
被拆分为最细小的性格特点
broken down to his smallest character traits.
保罗研发娜娜的时候
While Paul was configuring Nana,
我们收集了关于他的一切细节
we collected every intimate detail about him.
我们了解他的幽默感
We know his sense of humor,
我们知道他的恐惧和偏好
we know his fears and preferences,
最重要的是 我们知道他的弱点
but most of all, we know his weaknesses.
等会儿 什么
Excuse me… What?
作为测试 我们展示了一些他喜欢的东西
As a test, we presented Paul with some fitting offers,
他买♥♥下了所有的东西 所有的
and he bought all of them. All of them.
151件商品
151 products.
买♥♥了球鞋不♥穿♥ 因为他想让它们保持崭新
Sneakers he won’t wear because he wants them to stay new,
买♥♥了棒球帽不戴 因为他总是弄丢
baseball caps he doesn’t wear because he loses them,
买♥♥了他不需要的避孕套
condoms he doesn’t need…
因为他确实不需要
because he doesn’t.
你们认为
What do you think
业界为了如此深入地了解保罗愿意付出多少
the industry would pay to know Paul that well?
看见了吗 一定是我家保姆
You see? I bet that’s my nanny.
我的孩子可能正在奥得河畔法兰克福的
My children are probably at a highway stop
高速公路服务站等着我
in Frankfurt/Oder.
不好意思 我
Excuse me, I…
-有时间吗 -现在没有
– Got a minute? – Not now.
你在逗我吗 你拿我当诱饵
Are you kidding me? You used me as bait?
我要是告诉你了 就不管用了
If I’d told you, it wouldn’t have worked.
现在我就像一个看见什么都会买♥♥的傻子
Now I look like an idiot who would buy anything he sees.
-你确实看见什么都买♥♥ -我没有 不是 真的吗
– You did buy everything you saw. – I didn’t… That’s not… Really?
保罗 你是一个天才
Paul, you’re a genius.
但是你没有自♥制♥力 你是一个购物狂
But you have no self-control. You’re a consumer whore.
所以你是一个完美的测试对象
That’s why you were perfect!
我不是购物狂
I’m not a consumer…
这种事情以前没有发生过
This never happened before.
什么
What?
-他打来电♥话♥ -谁
– He called. – Who?
他
Him.
他
Him?
他提供四百万欧元
He’s offering four million euros.
别问我为什么 我无法解释
Don’t ask me why, I can’t explain it.
-不过 -太好了
– But… – Yes!
下个月他会出席一个小型数码设备会议
Next month he’ll be at the Digital Midget Convention,
他想见你们
and he’d like to meet you.
四百万
Four million!
东尼 我们能谈谈工作了吗
Hey Toni, can we talk about that job?
-什么 -工作机会
– What? – Job offer!
-现在吗 -当然 我已经受够了
– Now? – Yes, I’ve had it.
我住在楼梯下的橱柜里
I live in a cupboard under the stairs,
就像哈利·波特一样
like Harry Potter.
每次我父母来见我的时候
Every time my parents come,
我都得在爱彼迎上租♥房♥♥子
I have to rent a place on Airbnb.
你好 我听说你就是那个新的乔布斯
Hi, I heard you’re the new Steve Jobs.
-什么 -乔布斯
– What? – Jobs. Steve.
工作吗 她刚才是不是说工作
Job? Did she say job?
在英语和德语中乔布斯和工作同音
贝蒂 我觉得她…
Betty, I think she…
你是厚脸皮吗 那是我的工作
Are you thick? That’s my job.
我已经为微薄的工资工作了七年
I’ve worked seven years for peanuts.
我都快要30岁了 我需要一个体面的工作
I’m almost 30. I need a regular job.
如果你以为你隆了胸 纹了身
If you think you can butt in
就能来抢这份工作的话
with your extensions and tramp stamp,
给老娘注意了 我会打断你的腿
watch out, I’ll break your legs.
去找足球运动员玩吧
Find yourself a football player!
怎么了
What?
没事 罗尼 你看见保罗了吗
Uh… Nothing. Ronnie, have you seen Paul anywhere?
他在某个地方狂欢
He’s partying hard somewhere!
好吧 我…
Right. I… Uh…
保罗和我要一起说些事情
Paul and I were going to say something together.
但是我不知道他在哪里
But I don’t know where he is.
好吧 当保罗五年前跟我分享他的创意时
Right, when Paul told me about his idea almost five years ago…
-我们从来没有想过 -无聊爆了
– We’d never have thought… – Boring!
-借过 -保罗 他在那里
– Excuse me. – Hey, Paul! There he is.
-对 我就在这儿 -行 快上来
– Yes, here I am. – OK. Come on.
抱歉
Sorry!
我刚才去预定新出的球鞋了
I had to order some new sneakers.
好吧 我刚说到哪里了
OK. Where was I?
不清楚 你刚才说到哪里了
No idea. Where were you?
-当保罗跟我分享他的创意时 -对
– When Paul told me about his idea… – Yep!
-我们都不知道 -我跟他分享了我的创意
– …neither of us knew… – I told him my idea.
-我们从没想到 -从来没有
– We never expected that… – Never expected!
-我们会被… -简直难以置信
– That we’d get offered… – Woo! An incredible offer!
-你要继续这样吗 -不 不 不
– Are you going to keep doing that? – Oops! No, no, no.
-对不起 -真的吗
– Sorry. – OK?
-请讲 -谢谢您
– Please. – Thank you.
所以 我们只想感谢你的辛勤付出
So, um… We only wanted to thank you for all your hard work.
东尼在17岁的时候才长阴毛
Toni got his first pubes at 17.
他们班发育最晚的一个
The last one in the class.
总的说来 他在同龄人中什么都是最晚的
He was very late for his age in general.
他总是把厕纸放在内衣里
He’d always put toilet paper in his undies.
行 我知道你想干什么了
OK, I see what’s happening here.
所以他才需要肌肉和身份象征
That’s why he needs all that
来证明自己
muscle and status symbols.
保罗很不高兴 我们都知道他是购物狂
Paul is upset that we know he’s a consumer whore.
谁是购物狂 再说一遍
Really? Who’s the consumer whore?
-你很困扰 对吧 -你才是
– It bothers you, right? – You are.
你根本没有一点自♥制♥力
You don’t have any self-control.
我的表 我的咖啡机
My watch, my coffee machine…
他总是给亚马逊打电♥话♥
He’s constantly calling Amazon.
我的登山装备和潜水装备
My climbing and diving gear…
我是东尼 我正在掉头发
I’m Toni, losing my hair!
我什么都可以不要 因为我不需要彰显身份
I can do without everything, because I don’t identify with it.
没了你的那些玩意儿 你一天都过不下去
Right. You can’t survive a day without your stuff.
-100天都可以 -想都别想
– 100 days! – No way.
打个赌吗
Wanna bet?
保罗 保罗 保罗
Paul! Paul! Paul!
我可以丢掉我所有的玩意儿
I’ll get rid of everything I have.
不知道你行不行
Can you do that too?
-所有的东西 真的吗 -对 所有