一百样东西

这是我们的曾祖父母
These are our great-grandparents.
他们有57样东西
They had 57 things.
然后世界大战发生了
Then there was a world war…
还有通货膨胀
and inflation.
没关系 他们相信上帝
No matter. They believed in God
以及死后会有更好的生活
and a better life after death.
这是我们的祖父母
These are our grandparents.
他们有200样东西
They had 200 things.
希♥特♥勒♥上台后
Then they had Hitler.
他们便一无所有了
And then they had nothing.
但是没关系 他们相信未来
But no matter. They believed in the future,
一定会繁荣昌盛
which promised prosperity.
这是我们的父母
These are our parents.
他们有650样东西
They had 650 things.
然后有了柏林墙
Then they had the wall…
还有斯塔西档案
and a Stasi file.
但是没关系 国家统一了 他们相信自♥由♥
But no matter, reunification came and they believed in freedom.
这是我们
And this is us.
我们平均有一万样东西
On average, we have 10,000 things.
一万样
10,000.
我们有繁荣
We have prosperity.
我们有自♥由♥ 这里就是未来
We have freedom. The future is here.
然而现在呢
And now?
保罗
Paul.
保罗 你得起床了
Paul, you have to get up.
嘿 到点了
Hey, it’s time.
但是我们刚睡不久
But we just went to bed.
保罗 一大早就发牢骚
Oh Paul, you’re such a morning grouch.
-现在几点了 -九点半
What time is it? – 9:30 Am.
-天气呢 -雪天 零下二摄氏度
– Weather? – Snowing and minus two Celsius.
-天气预报真是糟糕 -算了吧
– Oh, and the forecast is miserable. – Never mind!
保罗 你猜今天什么上新了
Hey Paul, guess what’s being released online today?
联名人类跑鞋
The Human Race Ultra Boost by Pharrell Williams?
最好快点 预售还有五分钟开始
Better hurry. Pre-sales start in five minutes.
-什么 给我看看 -找我啊
– What? Show me! – Find me.
我在这 在这 不 这里
I’m here. Here! No, here!
娜娜
Nana!
保罗 不要这么粗暴
Paul! Don’t be so rough.
我去
Shit!
-你逗我呢 -啥
– You’re kidding. – What?
-你在干嘛 -健身
– What are you doing? – Working out.
健身勃起干嘛
With an erection?
走 快点儿
Go! Hurry up.
-西装在哪 -箱子里
– Where’s the suit? – In the package!
-哪个 -咖啡机旁边那个下面
– Which one? – Under the one beside the coffee machine.
很奇怪 我开始看新闻 然后特朗普发了推特
It’s funny. I start with the news, then Trump tweeted something,
然后通过猫咪视频我点进了色情主页
and via cat video links I end up at YouPorn.
特朗普 猫咪 毛♥片♥
Trump, cats, YouPorn.
默克尔 北极熊 毛♥片♥ 这简直是诅咒
Merkel, polar bears, YouPorn. It’s a curse!
那双
– Got it. What shoes? – The Kanye West ones.
白色的
The white ones.
-你昨天工作到几点 -凌晨2:53
– When did you stop working yesterday? – 2:53 Am.
保罗 够了 她已经够好了
Paul, enough. She’s fine as she is.
今天她讲了她的第一个笑话
Today she made her first joke.
今天她会被卖♥♥掉 你可以休息一阵子了
Today, she’s being sold and you’ll take a break.
不要和你的作品睡觉了
Stop sleeping with your work.
我没和我的作品睡觉
I don’t sleep with my work.
靠 我要长瘤子了
Shit! I’m getting a tumor!
谁在后面谁输
Last one down loses!
你疯了吗 别拽我头发
Are you mad? Not my hair!
-我觉得你又掉了一些了 -什么
– I think you lost some again. – What?
每次 你怎么每次都能上当
Every time! How can you fall for that every time?
因为这并不好玩 这是一个严肃的问题
Because it ain’t funny. It’s a serious problem!
油底壳该修了
Time to get that oil pan fixed.
我们后面看起来像《深海浩劫》
It looks like Deepwater Horizon behind us.
[根据2010年墨西哥湾原油泄漏事件改编的电影]
-你幸福吗 东尼 -什么
– Are you happy, Toni? – What?
幸福 你幸福吗
Happy. Are you happy?
这又从何说起
Where is this coming from?
那个 我
Well, I…
你要是踩油门我就快乐了
I’d be happy if you stepped on it and
你的脚都没有踩到底
your foot didn’t burst through.
放松 只会有两三个人在我们前面而已
Relax. So there’ll be two or three others ahead of us.
一百样东西
126号♥
Number 126!
谁知道他们都起这么早
Who knew they’d all get up early?
他们看起来跟我们一样
They all look like us.
我还以为我们很特别
I thought we were something special.
要是他们都有好主意呢
What if they all have great ideas?
-天啊 东尼 我们走吧 -保罗
– Oh God, Toni, let’s go! – Paul!
不好意思 请问你们要推销什么
Excuse me, what are you pitching?
我们是极简主义者
We are minimalists.
-我知道 -我们只靠100样东西生活
– I see. – We live with exactly 100 things.
除味剂绝对不是其中之一
Deodorant obviously isn’t one of them.
你们的点子是什么
And what is your idea?
我们开♥发♥一个帮助去除不必要东西的应用
We developed an app that helps shed what’s unnecessary.
-为什么 -谁会获益
– Why? – Who profits?
-没人 -我们拒绝那套逻辑
– Nobody. – We reject that logic.
人类必须再次获得自♥由♥
People have to be free again.
东西需要具有价值 我们只有这一个地球
Things need to have a value. We only have this one planet.
打倒冲动消费
Down with compulsive buying.
哇 这真是
Wow! That’s…
我只能哇了
“Wow” is all I’ve got.
-我们很安全 -感谢老天爷
– We’re safe. – Thank God.
684号♥
684!
你好
Uh… Hello.
-我是安东·卡茨 这是保罗 -好好好
– I’m Anton Katz and this is Paul. – Right.
让我们直奔主题好吗
Let’s fast forward to the part where it gets interesting.
这是第13个小时
We’re in the 13th hour and my nanny
我的保姆周末还想回家
wants to go home for the weekend.
我是安东妮塔·克莱希 欧洲高级人才侦查员
I am Antonietta Kärcher, Senior Talent Scout Europe.
这二位是贝希特先生和德罗格先生
These are Mr. Becht and Mr. Dröger,
我们客户的律师的律师的律师
our client’s lawyers’ lawyers’ lawyers.
那是戴维·扎克曼
And that’s David Zuckerman.
-谁 -谁
– Who? – Who?
扎克曼 他在看我们吗
Zuckerman. He’s watching?
是的 来这里的任何人
Yes, anyone who enters here
都有可能是下一个乔布斯
could be the next Steve Jobs.
太讽刺了
That was irony.
这里没人会成为下一个乔布斯
Nobody who enters here is the next Steve Jobs.
所以 你们带来了什么
So, what have you got for us?
其实非常简单
Well, it’s quite simple really.
我总是纳闷
I was wondering why the voice
为什么我们手♥机♥上的声音都是一样的
on my phone is the same for everyone.
无论是我还是东尼 我妈还是你们在用
Regardless of whether I use it, or Toni, or my mother, or you.
总是一样枯燥的声音
It’s always the same dull voice.
所以我在想 假如我们的手♥机♥
So I figured, what if our phone…
有性格呢
had a personality?
完全为我们量身定制
Completely tailored to our person.
你要怎么实现
How would you do that?
我编写了一个应用程序
I programmed the software to
可以通过我们的声音辨别我们的情绪
recognize our emotion from our voice.
并且作出调整
and adjust to it.
好 让我们听一下
Well, let’s hear it.
-现在吗 -不
– Now? – No.
不是现在 现在不是一个好时候
Not now. Any time but now. Now is a terrible time.
当然是现在 不然呢
Of course now. When else?
你好 娜娜
Hello, Nana.
娜娜
Nana?
Nana
Um… Nana!
怎么了 保罗
What is it, Paul?