情色自拍（2008）

但这只是开头 伙计们
But this is just the beginning, guys.
如果《星球大干》能成 它会成的
If Star Whores works, and it will,
我们会拍续集《帝国反击屁♥股♥战》
we are set up for sequels galore. The Empire Strikes Ass.
《褐眼归来》 《屁♥股♥影危机》
Return of the Brown-Eye. The Phantom Man-Ass.
还有《大便的复仇:全肛♥交♥最终回》
And Revenge of the Shit: The All-Anal Final Chapter.
好的 《大便的攻击》
Okay. Revenge of the Shit.
明白吗? 是的 不 我们明白
You got it? Yeah, no, we got it.
呃
Ew.
操你的 天杀的 这个我们再谈
Fuck you, motherfuckers. We’ll talk about that one.
我们会很开心的 但更重要的是
We’re gonna have a lot of fun, but more importantly,
我们要赚很多钱 好吗?
we’re gonna make a lot of fucking money, okay?
是的 所以为了伟业准备好吧 大家
Yeah. So get ready for greatness, people.
明天我们就开始系统地拍毛♥片♥了
Tomorrow we start principal photography.
哇 耶
Whoo! Yeah.
好了 晚安 大家 我们有电影了
All right, good night, you guys. We got a movie.
什么 ? 没什么
What? Nothing.
我想某人得承认这有多么疯狂和美妙
I think sb should acknowledge how insane and amazing this is
这全是因为你
and it’s all because of you.
我也不知道 毛♥片♥一部而已
I don’t know. It’s just a porno.
你知道我的意思
You know what I mean.
你真的找到自己的风格了
You’ve really come into your own.
闭嘴吧
Shut the fuck up.
说到投入 你准备好了吗?
So speaking of coming into things, ready for tomorrow?
20年了
Twenty years,
咱俩终于要知道
we’re finally gonna know
和彼此做♥爱♥是什么感觉了
what it’s like to have sex with each other.
听起来好像你一直很想知道
You say that like you’ve been wondering
和我上♥床♥是什么感觉
what it’d be like to sleep with me for a while now.
不然你觉得当初我♥干♥嘛找你?
Why the fuck do you think I started hanging out with you?
我早知道了 过来帮个忙
I knew it. Here, help.
我希望这件事
Let’s just promise
不要影响咱俩的关系 好吗?
that it’s not gonna change anything between us, okay?
影响什么? 我不知道
Like what? I don’t know.
有些人没办法客观地做♥爱♥
Some guys can’t keep sex in perspective.
要是有人会多想 估计是你吧
If anyone’s gotta keep this in perspective, it’s you, okay?
我可不想你变得敏感而自作多情
I don’t want you getting all mushy and gooey on me
因为我会给你最棒的高♥潮♥
after I give you the best orgasm you’ve ever had.
哦 好像你知道会发生什么似的
Oh, like you know what you’re doing down there at all.
我可不知道 阴蒂在哪? 在你屁♥股♥里?
I actually don’t. Where’s the clitoris? Is it in your ass?
你知道 表现地兴奋点
Just, you know, make sure you kind of whoop it up
把我当成一个老练的种马 行吗?
and act like I’m a stud who knows what he’s doing, okay?
配合点
Just be a pal.
哦 老兄 我会像梅丽尔斯特里普一样
Oh,dude,I am gonna Meryl Streep out of this tomorrow,
你瞧着吧
you watch.
谢谢 不客气
Thanks. You’re welcome.
不 真的很感谢你
No. Really, thank you.
感谢你做的一切
For everything.
真的不用客气
You’re welcome.
不到12小时我们就创造了
Less than 12 hours and we make
蒙诺威利的历史
Monroeville history.
我真希望别出什么差错
I really hope nothing goes wrong.
只是部电影 能出什么差错?
It’s a movie. What could go wrong?
你们在做什么?
What are you doing?
怎么了? 搞什么?
What’s up? What the fuck?
你们在干嘛?
What are you doing?
你们在干嘛? 等等
What are you doing? Wait, wait.
等等 停下来
Wait. Stop. Stop.
不不不 这儿他妈在干什么?
No, no, no. What the fuck is going on?
这儿就要被卖♥♥了
Condos is what’s going on,
只剩爆破这个破地儿了
as soon as this shit-hole’s demo’d.
不行 你们得马上停止
No, you gotta stop it right now.
我们从詹金士先生那租了一个月呢
We rented this place for a month from Mr. Jenkins.
听起来你们的詹金士先生是个大混♥蛋♥
Sounds like your Mr. Jenkins was full of shit.
豪华地♥产♥一个月前就买♥♥下了这片地
Luxury Homesteads bought this place a month ago.
我真想宰了那个老混♥蛋♥
I’m gonna kill that lying old fuck.
那你们得去佛罗里达 他搬到那去了
You’re gonna have to go Florida, that’s where he moved.
里面还有几千块钱的设备呢
We’ve got thousands of dollars of equipment in there.
拜托了
Please.
你们要想在完事后碎石堆里找的话
If you wanna sift through this rubble
随便吧 嘿! 把那个杆拿下来!
when we’re done, be my guest. Hey, get the beam down.
这是你最不想听到的了
This is the last thing you wanna hear.
但是如果你不提前预支薪水
If you don’t get an advance,
我估计我们要无家可归了
I don’t think we’re gonna keep a roof over our heads.
我已经预支了 不是做戏服了嘛
I got an advance already. It went into all the costumes.
所以我们彻底没钱了? 光你的钱?
So all our money’s gone? All your money?
我老婆要是
Never mind what my wife’s gonna do
没有雪地防滑轮胎或者
when there ain’t no new snow tires,or
发现我竟然买♥♥了台摄像机会怎么想?
when she sees I charged a video camera.
把你牵扯进来我很抱歉 老兄
I’m sorry I dragged you into this, man.
我只是想不花钱就能看咪♥咪♥
I just wanted to see some free titties.
就这样 但是根本就没免费咪♥咪♥看
That’s all. But there’s no such thing as free titties,
不是吗? 扎克?
is there, Zack?
有吗? 我他妈的听够了
Is there? Fuck this noise.
我们为什么不再找架摄影机
Why don’t we get another camera,
拍点别的呢?
and shoot something else?
我们在哪拍呢? 再找个摄影棚?
Where are we gonna do that? Got another sound stage?
摄影棚? 我们把一个
What sound stage? We had a shit-covered garage
满是屎的车♥库♥改造成了摄影棚
we turned into a sound stage.
我们可以找新地方重新再来
We find someplace new and we do it again.
怎么找? 我破产了 老兄
How? Okay, I’m broke, man.
不 我之前就破产了 我真的要放弃了
No, make that, I was broke. Now I am really tapped out.
我还要再找一份工作来还德莱尼钱
I have to get another job to pay Delaney back.
所以请告诉我 我怎样才能东山再起?
So please tell me, how can I afford to start over?
你想来点什么? 呃 我要…
What can I get you? Yeah, can I get a, uh–?
太晚了 卡布奇诺 3块五
Too fucking late. Cappuccino, 3.50.
我真怀疑我脑子他妈地进水了
I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking.
我是说 在生活的方方面面
I mean, I’m a total loser
我都是个失败者
in every single other aspect of my life.
我怎么会觉得拍别人做♥爱♥
What made me think I could do something
这么简单的事我能做的呢?
as simple as filming people fucking?
我们没钱了 也没场地 没布景
We have no money left, nowhere to shoot, no sets,
更没有摄影机
we have no fucking cameras. Here.
看来我该回到原来的生活了
It’s time I go back to my regular life
原来那种不用欠别人钱的闷蛋的生活
where I am a quiet fuckup who doesn’t cost anybody any money
只知道站在柜台后面
and knows his goddamn position behind this fucking counter
给这种白♥痴♥弄卡布奇诺
making cappuccinos for this fucking guy.
哦耶 哦耶
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
你在干什么?
What are you doing?
哦耶
Oh, yeah.
耶
Yeah.
操 太好了!
Fuck, yes.
扎克
Zack.
你这个印度偷♥窥♥佬 太好了!
You sneaky Indian motherfucker. I tell you, yes.
“吞我的鸡♥巴♥奇诺”
Swallow My Cockuccino.
什么? 就是它了 就是这个片名
What? That’s it. That’s the movie.
我之前怎么没想到?
Why didn’t I think of it before?
我们不需要布景也不需要舞台
We don’t need sets or a stage.
看看这些设备 简直就等着被♥操♥嘛
Look at all the production value,waiting to have balls on it
等等 你想在这儿拍A片?
Hold up. You wanna shoot a dirty movie here,
在我们工作的地方?
where we work?
是的
Yes.
操 是的! 你知道
Fuck, yes, I do. You know
我在这工作发生过多少故事吗?
how many stories I have from working here?
有多少次下班后我都在这做♥爱♥吗?
How many times I’ve been laid right there after hours?
你下班后从没有在这做♥爱♥过
You’ve never gotten laid here after hours.
我知道 谢谢你的提醒
I know. Thank you for reminding me.
但是我幻想过!
But I always wish I had,
这就是A片的真谛 关于性幻想
and that’s what porno is. It’s fantasy.
我们要拍摄真实的场景
It’s taking the normal
但是做♥爱♥会使一切看起来不真实
and making it abnormal by fucking it.