情色自拍（2008）

天哪 我们太了解彼此了
Oh, God. We really do know too much about each other.
看吧 这不过是再多一样
See, and this would really just be one more thing.
我是说 看看我们 今天是感恩节
I mean, look at us. It’s Thanksgiving
我们挤在一个燃烧的
and we’re huddled around a flaming
垃圾桶边 像两个流浪汉
fucking garbage can like a couple of steno bums.
我是说 这能让我们机会
I mean, this could give us a chance
付清我们的债务 我们的帐单
to pay off our debt, pay our bills,
也许能住进一个有暖气的好点的房♥子
get a fucking nicer apartment with heat in it maybe.
你要干嘛?
What are you doing?
米连姆·林奇
Miriam Linky,
你愿意为了钱跟我拍毛♥片♥吗?
will you have sex with me on camera for money?
我愿意
I will.
制♥作♥人? 是的
A producer? Yeah.
就是赞助电影的人
Guy who gets to finance the movie.
你认为我有这么多钱吗?
You think I got that kind of money?
我们只需要这个
We just need that.
你打算用来买♥♥平板电视的钱
What you’re about to spend on the flat screen.
那我就不能买♥♥平板电视了? 去他妈的
Now I can’t get my flat screen? Fuck that.
不不不
No, no, no.
你可以用分红买♥♥两台平板电视
With your cut of profits, you’re gonna get two flat screens.
客厅一台 浴室一台
One in your living room, one in your bathroom.
浴室一台?
One in the bathroom?
要知道 能边拉屎
You know, it’s always been my dream
边看电视是我毕生的梦想
to watch shit while I shit.
长屁♥股♥的人
Everyone with an ass
都喜欢在拉屎的时候看点烂东西
loves to watch shit while they shit.
我能让你梦想成真
I’m gonna make that happen for you.
我不知道 伙计
I don’t know, man.
制♥作♥人还做什么?
What else the producer do?
帮助选角 什么叫选角?
Um, they help with the casting. What’s casting?
就是挑演员
Finding the people to be in the movie.
我能去挑女人? 是的
I get to help pick the women? Yeah.
比如 我能看奶头
Like, I can look at a titty,
确保旁边没长痣?
make sure there ain’t no moles on there?
两边的奶头你都能看 伙计
You can look at both titties, man. Man.
我这近20年来看的
I’ve been looking at the same busted titties
都是那俩丑奶♥子♥
for the past almost 20 years.
该看看新的了
I’m due for another new titty.
请帮帮我们 拜托
Please help us. Please.
好的好的 我爱你
Yes. Yes. I love you.
别介意这股味道
Well, don’t mind that smell.
住过一些无家可归的人
We had some homeless people squatting in here.
要知道 除了厕所
You know, they’d void their bowels
他们在哪都能拉到脱肛
everywhere but the bathroom.
总之 扫完屎
Anyway, you pick up the poop
你就有电影工作室了
and you’ve got yourself a movie studio.
我们为什么不在你家拍?
Why don’t we shoot in your apartment?
没电 你想帮我付电费吗?
No power. You wanna pay our electric bill?
你这个操蛋的… 我们要了
You motherfuckers… We’ll take it.
带回来 我♥操♥♥我♥操♥我♥操操操
Bring it back. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
哦 神啊 神啊
Oh, Jesus. Oh, Jesus.
上帝啊 来吧
Oh, God. Come on.
为什么所有的鸟事都要我来干? 我♥操♥
Why the fuck do I have to do everything? Fuckers.
嘿 怎么回事?
Hey, what is that?
他妈的队员 他妈的队伍 真♥他♥妈♥烂
Fucking guys. This fucking team, man. They fucking suck.
我要把你的大便都操出来 裁判
I’m gonna hatefuck the shit out of you, ref.
伙计 没事的
Dude. It’s cool.
他是我表兄 嘿
He’s my cousin. Hey.
你在高中时是不是拍过
Didn’t you used to videotape
校队篮球赛的录像?
the varsity basketball games in high school?
只有客场比赛
Just the away games.
我拍是因为我想操啦啦队长
I did it because I was trying to fuck a cheerleader.
哪个?
Which one?
想上校队比赛录像师的那个
Whichever one wanted to fuck the guy who taped varsity games
呃 还知道怎么用摄像机吗?
Aw. Still know how to work a camera?
谁关心片名啊?
Who cares what the title is?
我小时喜欢的毛♥片♥
The porn I liked when I was a kid,
总是恶搞大♥片♥的 知道吗?
it was always, like, a spoof of a popular movie, you know?
比如 《弄屌♥手爱德华》
Like, um, Edward Penishands.
好的 我们需要一个有才的
Okay, so we need a mildly clever,
暧昧淫♥荡♥的名字
vaguely dirty title,
听起来就像正经电影
that sounds like a real movie
又能表示影片的本质 正确
and sums up what you’re gonna see. Correct.
《美国狼人在布伦达》?
An American Werewolf in Brenda?
《操背山》?
Fuckback Mountain?
太快了? 现在屌♥在唇上了吗? 下一个
Too soon? A Cock-in-Lips Now? Next.
摸蛋蛋 动起来
Cradle the balls. Work the shaft.
抽我的那儿 把你射成白的
Jerk my come-crayon and let me color you white.
我要老二 现在就需要它
I need cock and I need it now.
我要操你的逼
I’m fucking you in the puss.
我要操你的笔
I’m fucking you in the puss.
是逼 就那话儿
It’s “puss” as in pussy.
哦 我还想谁会想操笔呢?
Oh, because I was like, who would wanna fuck puss?
我要在你洞里砰砰作响 女人 场景
I want to slam my ham in your can, woman. Scene.
这家伙不错 他长的也好看
This guy is amazing. This guy’s great-looking too.
我想上他
I wanna fuck him.
嗨 我叫德莱尼 我是制♥作♥人
Hi, my name’s Delaney and I’m a producer.
我真的不知道这是什么意思
I really don’t know what it means.
我要说实话 这是第一次
I’m gonna be honest, this is my first time.
你不必担心
You don’t have to worry,
我不会摸你或怎样
I’m not gonna touch you or nothing like that.
好的 我有妻子
All right. I have a wife, you know.
我们在一起很幸福
We’re happy.
其实 不幸福 但也还行的
I mean, not happy, but it’s cool, you know.
你要知道 会有一些性场面
Just so you know, there will be some fucking.
我们来谈谈 看你能不能演 好的
We’ll talk about that if you get the part. Okay.
我是说 不是我们要做
I mean, not-We won’t be fucking,
而是电影里会有性场面
there’ll be fucking in the movie.
像我说的 我有妻子 她不赞成
Like I said, I got a wife. She don’t play that shit.
她是个发疯的婊♥子♥ 是的
She is a crazy bitch. Yep.
作为制♥作♥人我要看看你的料
It’s my job as the producer to see what you got.
如果让你觉得不舒服
So if that makes you uncomfortable in any way,
就不必给我看 因为…
you don’t have to show anything you don’t wanna, because–
我爱电影
I love the movies.
《下唇的劳伦斯》 不
Lawrence of a Labia. No.
哦 拜托 《鸡♥巴♥黎明》
Oh, come on. Dawn of the Dick.
是的 但僵尸做♥爱♥能性感吗?
Yeah, but how are zombies doing it at all sexy?
我要吃掉你的脑子
I want to eat your brain
还有屁♥股♥
and your ass.
伙计 科幻小说
Dude. Sci-fi.
是的 《后背式接触》
Yeah. Close Encounters With a Turd From Behind.
那是什么意思 就是屁♥股♥
I don’t know what that means. Just asses.
深深插屁♥股♥
Fucking deep in asses.
什么?
What?
我们要拍毛♥片♥ 需要知道
We’re making a porno and we just need to know
你有什么性癖好或讨厌什么
what you would be or would not be interested in doing.
什么都行
If anything.
不能有肛♥交♥ 哦 绝对不要有肛♥交♥
No anal. Oh, definitely no anal.
肛♥交♥与拥抱
Anal and hugging.
我不做屁♥眼♥
I don’t do ass stuff.
肛♥交♥ 我♥操♥
Anal. Ah, fuck.
等等 口♥交♥ 我喜欢肛♥交♥ 好
Oh, wait, oral. I like anal. Yay.
好的 你有什么特殊技巧吗?
Okay, well, so, uh, do you have any special skills?
特殊技巧?
Special skills?
我能很快直起来并保持很久
I can get a boner really quick and it sticks straight up.
这算特殊技巧吗? 我想是吧
Is that really a special skill? I think.
你能演示一下吗? 好的
Can you show us what you mean? Sure.
哦 真的很特别
Oh, that is special.
好的 雇你了 先生…
Yeah, you’re hired, Mr.–
叫什么来着? 莱欺特
Who are you again? Lester.