情色自拍（2008）

这意味着等我们回家后 也没有暖气
Which means by the time we get home, there’s no heat either.
我想该把我们一直在说的东西
Well, I think it’s time we put
付诸实践了
what we always talked about into effect.
你要开始拉客了
You’re gonna have to start hooking.
你知道你在说笑
You know, you jest,
但人们在开始为钱做♥爱♥之前
but these are exact circumstances people find themselves in
都是陷入了这样的困境
right before they start having sex for money.
是的 或是拍毛♥片♥
Yeah. Or making porn.
我的天哪 是的 怎么 有主意了吗?
Oh, my God, yeah. What? You got an idea?
我们可以拍毛♥片♥
We could make a porno.
不是我想要的主意 什么
Not the idea I was looking for. What?
不 这是个棒极了的主意
No, that is a fucking awesome idea.
你在糊弄我吗? 是个好点子啊
Are you shitting me? That’s a rad idea.
那个家伙 布莱顿·圣兰迪
That guy, Brandon St. Randy,
鲍比·兰的超赞男朋友
who’s Bobby Long’s awesome nice boyfriend,
他说他一年赚10万
he said he makes a hundred grand a year
因为他拍摄并发行自己的毛♥片♥
because he shoots and distributes his own porno flicks.
如果这么容易 怎么大家没都去拍?
If it’s so easy, how come everybody doesn’t do it?
因为别人有其他选择以及尊严
Because other people have options and dignity,
而我们没有
which we do not have,
这让我们处在十分有利的地位
which puts us in an amazingly advantageous position.
操你的 我有尊严
Fuck you, I have dignity.
在哪儿? 藏在你巨大的内♥裤♥下面
Where? Is it hidden in your gigantic underpants
并传遍了因特网吗?
that are plastered all over the Internet?
你把你的尊严藏在那儿吗?
Is that where you hide your dignity?
每个女人都有条月经裤
Every woman has a pair of those period panties.
这就像是 真理
That’s, like, a fact.
好的 家人
Okay. Families.
我想人们不拍毛♥片♥是因为他们有家人
I bet people don’t make porno, because they have families.
但幸运的是你父母死了
But luckily, your parents are dead.
抱歉 我祖父母也死了
Sorry. My grandparents are dead.
抱歉 谢谢
Sorry. Thank you.
我们会让谁失望呢?
So who are we gonna disappoint?
毛♥片♥现在不受歧视了
Porn has gone mainstream now.
就像装有老二的可口可乐或百事可乐
It’s like Coca-Cola or Pepsi with dicks in it.
看看帕里斯·希尔顿
Look at Paris Hilton.
她在夜视摄像机里给一个家伙搞深喉
She throat-fucks a guy in night vision,
现在她朝孩子们卖♥♥香水
now she’s selling fragrances to tweens.
我很确定她没有什么法律障碍
And I’m pretty sure she’s legally retarded.
给孩子用的?
That’s for tweens?
你没看那个
Have you seen that
拍《霹雳淫♥娃♥》的乔·弗郞西丝?
Joe Francis guy who made Girls Gone Wild?
他是世界上他妈最大的笨蛋
That guy is the biggest fucking idiot in the world
但他有私人飞机和一座小岛
and he has a jet and a fucking island.
听着 要解决我们的财政危机
Look, there’s got to be a less extreme solution
还有不那么极端的方法
to our financial woes here.
给我个更好的选择 去送报纸
Give me a better option. Get a paper route.
我没自行车 当侍者
I don’t have a bike. Be a waiter.
没人想让我出现在他们的食物周围
No one wants me around their food.
你会吃我递过来的食物吗?
Would you eat food that I gave you?
我不会吃你上的食物 这倒是真的
I would not eat food that you gave me, that’s true.
我是说 没人想看我们做♥爱♥ 扎克
I mean, nobody wants to see us fuck, Zack.
每个人都想看别人做♥爱♥
Everybody wants to see anybody fuck.
讨厌罗茜·欧丹尼(著名主持人)
I hate Rosie O’Donnell,
但如果有人说 “我有一盘
but if someone said, “I got a tape
罗茜·欧丹尼被狂♥操♥的录像带”
of Rosie O’Donnell getting fucked stupid,”
我就说 “我们为啥不现在就看看呢?”
I’d be like, “Why aren’t we watching that right now?”
因为她是名人 白♥痴♥
Because she’s famous. Hello.
你也是 你是他妈的祖母内♥裤♥
So are you. You’re fucking Granny Panties.
我的内♥裤♥和你的屁♥股♥出名 但我们不是
My underwear and your ass are famous, we’re not.
娘的有谁想看我们做♥爱♥呢?
So who the F would wanna watch us fuck?
至少800个人 我们的傻♥逼♥同学?
At least 800 people. The jerks we went to school with?
你认真的吗? 当然
Are you serious? Of course.
如果你听说跟你一届的人
If you heard that someone we graduated with
拍了他妈一部毛♥片♥ 你会看的 对不对?
was in a fucking porno movie, you’d watch it, right?
我才刚认识那个布莱顿
I’d watch that guy Brandon suck a cock,
我都想看他吸人老二
I just met him.
有了这张邮箱表 就有差不多1000人
With this mailing list, we have almost a thousand people
绝对会买♥♥我们拍的毛♥片♥
that would definitely buy a porno
以便能发出如下感慨
we were in just to be like,
“嘿 我上市政学时坐他旁边
“Hey, I sat next to that guy in Civics.
看他的老二”
Look at his fucking dick.”
我们卖♥♥1000盘单价20美元的毛♥片♥
We sell a thousand copies at 20 bucks a pop, bam,
我们就能付清帐单
we have paid off our bills.
那么 你怎么想?
So, what do you think?
我不想上陌生人
I don’t think I wanna fuck a stranger.
哇 就跟你以前没上过似的
Oh, wow, like you’ve never done that before.
你把几个在酒吧遇见的人带回家
How many guys have you met in a bar, taken home,
猛吸猛吮之后就老死不相往来?
banged with your mouth and then never talked to again?
这才是所谓的陌生人
That’s what we call a stranger.
老兄 我不会
Dude, I don’t one-night mouth-fuck
在酒吧随便找个人玩口♥交♥的
anybody that I pick up in bars.
因为某些奇怪的原因
You don’t wanna fuck a stranger
你不想在毛♥片♥里上个陌生人
in the porno movie for some weird reason.
我猜
I guess…
我们可以做♥爱♥
We could fuck.
呃 操你的
Ew. Fuck you.
我是指 你是长得还凑合
I mean, you’re a nice-enough-looking guy and everything–
天操的 谢谢你
Holy fuck, thank you.
你也是个长得过的去的女的
You’re an all-right-enough-looking girl.
这感觉如何? 伙计 我只是说
How does that feel? Dude, I’m just saying
这很奇怪 又错误 就像上我兄弟似的
it’d be weird and wrong, you know, like fucking my brother.
好的 说真的 我们只是在谈性 好吗?
Okay, seriously, we’re just talking about sex, okay?
而且是为了奔小康
It’s for a purpose. It’s for getting rich.
只有我的老二和你的阴♥道♥
Only my dick and your pussy
在做怪事
would be doing something weird.
我们的身体和脑子在演戏
Our bodies and brains would be acting.
哇 你预先向自己解释一下
Wow. Just explain to your private beforehand,
“听着 这并不代表什么
“Look, this doesn’t mean anything.
我们只是为了钱在做”
We’re just doing this for cash.”
我的上帝 怎么?
Oh, my God. What?
你这样做只因为
You’re just doing this because
你一直想上我 是不是?
you’ve always wanted to fuck me, aren’t you?
是的 我这辈子都在假装
Yes. I’ve gone my whole life pretending
我不想跟你有任何关系
that I want nothing to do with you,
只希望有天我们会穷得叮当响
just hoping one day we’d be in such dire financial straits
我就可以利用这点 对你采取行动
that I could use it to finally make my move on you.
你是在挖苦我 是的
You’re just being sarcastic. I am.
看 我现在假装哭
See, I was pretending to cry right there.
我想那不会很恶心
I guess it’s not like it’d be creepy,
可以当作我们某晚喝多了
like if we got way too drunk one night
然后不小心做♥爱♥了 是吗?
and accidentally fucked, you know?
不 我们会达成共识 那是个
No. We’d be going in with the understanding that it’s–
商业决定
A business decision.
纯粹的商业抉择 这是终极的方法之一
Strictly a business decision. It’s a means to an end.
是的 而到最后
Right. And by end,
我是说 我会给你的屁♥股♥上蜡脱毛
I mean, I’ll be waxing your ass.
去你的 我不会让你看我屁♥股♥的
Fuck you. I’m not even letting you see my ass.
反正你全身
I’ve seen your ass
我都看过无数次了
and the rest of you naked around a billion times already.
我也一样 伙计
That goes both ways, buddy.
你没看过我的老二
You’ve never seen my dick.
你看过我老二吗?
Have you seen my dick?
你永远也看不到我的老二
You’ve never seen my dick.
你在说笑吗?
Are you kidding?
我们去过的那个派对 你喝高了
That party we went to where you got blasted,
哈尔斯赌你能不能给自己口♥交♥
and Houls dared you to give yourself head,
我们看你试了 差不多一个小时
and we all watched you try for, like, an hour.
对了 顺便谢谢
Oh, yeah. Thanks by the way,
你♥他♥妈♥不拦着我 谢谢
for fucking letting me do that. Thank you.