情色自拍（2008）

确切说 是没有女人
No women, to be exact.
如果我失礼的话我提前道歉
I apologize in advance if I am out of line here,
你演同志A片吗?
but are you in gay porn?
你算说对了 你是想跟我做吗?
Guilty as charged. Are you fucking with me?
我以为你认出我来了 所以才…
I thought you recognized me, that’s why-
好的 我明白了
Oh, okay, I get it.
你不是我喜欢的类型 所以没冒犯我
You’re not in my demographic, so I’m not insulted.
没事的 你喜欢哪型的?
Not really. Who’s your demographic?
你喜欢阴♥道♥吗?
Do you love pussy?
喜欢 那就不是你
I do. Then not you.
哦 好的
Oh, okay.
我今晚来
I came here tonight
是希望能诱惑你 带你回我家
hoping to seduce you and bring you back to my apartment
跟你睡觉 以报复你 因为
and sleep with you to, uh, get back at you,
你知道 多年前管我叫臭林奇
you know, for calling me Stinky Linky all those years ago.
哇
Wow.
这种报复真是奇怪
That is a weird revenge plot.
你一定很饥渴吧?
You must be a terrible lay for that.
什么? 不 我很好
What? No, I’m great.
我是说 我做了足够的练习
I mean, I’ve had enough practice
什么的 那…
and everything. That–
哇 这听起来可不好
Wow, that sounded not good.
我经常做♥爱♥ 我就想说这个
I fuck a lot. That’s what I meant to say.
这听起来也不好 哇
That doesn’t sound good either. Wow.
你比我记忆中的更有趣
You’re a lot funnier than I remember.
谢谢 天哪 你出落成这么个大帅哥了
Thank you. Gosh, you turned out to be such a nice guy.
这真是… 你知道
It just-You know,
这样更容易来… 直说出来
it makes it even easier to just-To just say this.
你愿不愿意去我那里
Would you like to come back to my place
也许喝瓶红酒
and maybe open a bottle of wine
来次真正的高中重聚呢?
and have ourselves a real high school reunion?
我… 你好 米兰姆
I- Hello, Miriam.
走开 我们在说话呢
Beat it, we’re talking.
我要把布莱顿介绍给你 好啊
I wanted to introduce you to Brandon. Salutations.
他是鲍比的男朋友 鲍比谁?
Bobby’s boyfriend. Bobby who?
鲍比我 鲍比·兰
Bobby me. Bobby Long.
布莱顿是个明星 成人业的
Brandon is the star of such adult fare as-
那个片叫啥来着?
What was that one called again?
《你最好闭上嘴 要不我插那儿了》
You Better Shut Your Mouth or I’m Gonna Fuck It.
不对 我怎么能忘了呢
That’s right. I’m surprised I forgot that.
你在开玩笑吗?
Are you fucking with me?
不 他们互相上
No, they’re fucking with each other.
我的上帝啊
Oh, my God.
不 什么?
No. What?
祖母内♥裤♥?
Granny Panties?
你说什么? 你怎么看得出来?
Excuse me? How can you tell?
太疯狂了
This is so crazy.
在到这儿之前我还在看你呢
I was just watching you, like, right before we got here.
太疯狂了 这是你 对不对?
This is so crazy. This is you, right?
我叫祖母内♥裤♥
My name’s Granny Panties,
而且没人想上我
and nobody wants to fuck me.
没什么比我的大同志屁♥股♥更白
Nothing’s whiter than my big gay ass–
你从哪儿弄的?
Where’d you get that?
我搜索”同志”和”屁♥股♥”
Oh, I entered “gay” and “ass,”
这是点击量最高的
and it was the top hit.
3小时内有20万点击量 宝贝 你就像
It’s had 200,000 views in three hours. Honey, you are,like–
我现在都有点眼红了 因为你 超出名
I’m jealous right now because you’re, like, super famous.
宝贝 给我们拍张照
Baby, please take our picture.
我要跟祖母内♥裤♥合影
I get a picture with Granny Panties.
好好好 爽歪歪
Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is awesome.
好的 笑 好了 拍好了吗?
All right, smile. Okay, got it. Did you get it?
哦 非常感谢 电邮给我
Oh, thank you very much. E-mail me that.
因为他是最差的摄影师 好了
Oh, because he’s the worst photographer. Okay, good.
你是同志? 是的
You’re gay? Yeah.
而我戴着尿布出现在网上?
And I’m on the Internet wearing a diaper?
谁能想到来匹兹堡会遇见名人呢?
Who knew you’d come to Pittsburgh and meet a celebrity?
我要在昏倒之前多喝两瓶
I’m gonna binge-drink now until I pass out.
好的 她会没事的
Okay. She’ll be fine.
那你们俩舔吸对方老二 是吧?
So you guys suck each other’s cocks, huh?
哦 疯狂地
Oh, like crazy.
好的 我想这就够了
Okay, that’s enough, I think.
我把他弄的不好意思了
I’m embarrassing him.
我喜欢他害羞的样子
I love when he’s embarrassed.
他不爱声张 所以他就这样
He’s not living out loud, so he gets all like, ooh.
你们非常相爱? 是不是
You are totally in love, aren’t you?
扎克理 我们是
Zachary, we are.
哇 我…
Wow, I–
天哪 我想吃了他
Oh, God, I just wanna eat him up, yum, yum.
给我留一点
Save some for me, yum, yum, yum.
我爱不释手
I can’t keep my hands off him.
你喝多了
You’ve had one too many.
尽管他用口时多数在床上
Although he does most of the eating in the sack.
床上♥床♥下
In the sack and of the sack.
好了 够了 听着 你喝多了
All right, that’s enough. Look, you’ve drunk too much.
你每次都这样 变得娘娘们们的
You do this every time. You get too Mary for everybody
而且控制不了自己 对不起
and you can’t contain yourself. Oh, I’m sorry.
控制自己
And by containing myself,
你是指把自己关在柜子里吗?
do you mean containing myself in a closet?
否认的柜子? 是这样吗? 不不不
In a closet of denial? Is that–? No, no, no.
他妈的 这是真的
Holy shit, this just got real.
所以你才没见过我妈妈
This is exactly why you haven’t met my mother.
你不知道如何使人们逐渐接受现实
You don’t know how to ease people into this situation.
每次都用强的
You just force your way in every time.
我想 在这个天杀的城镇里
I thought, maybe for one second
我能做自己 哪怕就一秒 真抱歉
in this godforsaken town, I could be myself. I’m so sorry.
不 你说的对 我应该装傻
No, you’re right, I should just butch up
并假装我不喜欢你的老二
and pretend that I don’t love it
在我嘴里纵横驰骋
when you shove your dick in my mouth.
这是我生命中最美好的一晚
This is the best night of my life.
我是在做表演吗?
Am I making a spectacle?
我可以招来更多的人 你确实是
I could make a much bigger scene. You really are.
对不起 匹兹堡 听着 蒙诺威利人
I’m sorry. Pittsburgh. Listen up, Monroe-vers.
我叫布莱顿·圣兰迪 我爱鲍比·兰
My name is Brandon St. Randy, and I love Bobby Long.
真♥他♥妈♥好 这样够了吗?
Fucking A. Is that enough?
这样够场面了吧? 我还可以更过分
Is that enough of a scene? I could start doing more worse.
你还没带我见你妈妈的原因是
The reason you haven’t taken me to your mother’s–
你妈妈宿醉未醒残妆未缷
Your mother with her makeup and all her drinking,
她也在柜子里
she’s in the closet too.
他们像真人一样吵架
They fight just like real people.
我想我可以疏导你
I thought I’d be a conduit for you–
谢谢
Thank you.
你在讽刺我吗? 不 我没有
Are you being sarcastic? No, I’m not.
谢谢 我爱你
Thank you. I love you.
我会给你发电邮的
I’ll e-mail you.
扎克 遇见你真好
Zack, it was so nice to meet you.
我会对你有耐心的 未来有你
And I will be patient with you. I will be there on journey.
我会做你同志山的
I will be your Sherpa
夏尔巴人(西♥藏♥高原上的民族)
up the mountain of gayness.
想看看祖母内♥裤♥的点击量
Well, might as well see
升到多少了吗?
how many hits Granny Panties is up to, huh?
是我弄的吗?
Did I do that?
谢谢 乔治
Thanks, George.
哪样龟儿子会掐掉你的电 在…
What kind of evil fucks turn off your power the day–?
感恩节前一晚? 是谁做的?
No, the night before Thanksgiving? Who does that?
你的卡能透♥支♥吗?
Can you get an advance on your card?
买♥♥手电筒超了我200美元的透♥支♥额
Fleshlight maxed-out my $200 limit.
买♥♥地不算明智 我承认
Not a wise purchase, I’ll give you that.
太糟了 如果我们筹不出房♥租
This is bad. If we don’t come up with rent,
我们会无家可归的
we’re gonna get locked out.
谁他妈想住在那儿? 没水又没电
Who the fuck wants to live there? There’s no water or power.