情色自拍（2008）

你这个小杂种
You little motherfucker!
起床 扎克
Get up, Zack.
快点 我不想上班迟到
Come on, I don’t wanna be late for work.
滚出去 上帝啊 我♥操♥
Ahh! Get out! Jesus, fuck!
要拉屎就关上门
Close the door if you’re gonna take a shit.
已经关了 是掩上了 不是关了
It was closed. It was closed over, it was not closed.
关门 扎克 好的 好的
Close the door, Zack! Okay, okay.
天哪 好吧
God. Fine.
那是什么玩意 是个暖手宝
What’s that thing? It’s a hand warmer.
我们要走了
We’re going now.
闻到了吗? 是车的味道吗? 我♥操♥
You smell that? Is that the car? Fuck.
真♥他♥妈♥的
Oh, goddamn it.
怎么了? 怎么?
What? What?
哦 卡进我那话儿了
Oh, it’s wedged in my taint.
什么? 它卡到我那话儿了
What is? It got wedged in my taint.
什么? 卡在我蛋蛋下面了
What? It’s stuck under my balls.
在蛋蛋与大腿之间 怎么回事?
It’s between my balls and my leg. What’s happening?
拜托 停车 妈的快停车
Please, pull over. Pull the fuck over!
好了好了 上帝啊 好的
Okay, all right! Jesus, okay.
现在移到我的屁♥股♥上了 什么?
It’s about to move up to my ass. What?
我一动它更热了
The movement makes it hotter.
就卡在下面 卡在下面
It’s tucked under them. It’s stuck under them.
我♥操♥
Oh, fuck.
我想我把自己的屌♥毛烧掉了
I think I burned my ball hair off.
没什么好笑的
It’s not funny.
能帮我挑今晚穿的衣服吗?
Can you help me pick out an outfit for tonight?
我6点才下班
I’m working till 6.
我可以在店里试衣服 店里?
Well, I can try stuff on at the store. The store?
不 你还是快去找个朋友吧?
No, how about instead, you get a friend?
你就是我朋友
But you are my friend.
我是指女朋友 天哪
I mean a girl friend, jeez.
德莱尼先生 你明天能来上班吗?
Mr. Delaney, can you work for me tomorrow?
明天是感恩节
Tomorrow’s Thanksgiving.
那后天你就必须来 我告诉你
Then you must come in the next day, I tell you.
那是黑色星期五 黑色星期五?
It’s Black Friday. Black Friday?
是一年中最隆重的购物街血拼日
It’s the biggest mall-shopping day of the year.
既然购物街就在旁边
And since the mall is just up the street,
我想让你出来工作
I would like you to come out and work.
在黑色星期五 是的
On Black Friday. Oh, yeah.
好的 想让我莫利星期一也上班吗?
All right, you want me to work on Moolie Monday too?
你说什么? 黑鬼星期二呢?
I’m sorry? How about Nigga Tuesday?
黑鬼星期二? 这是新节日吗?
Nigga Tuesday? This a new holiday?
你告诉个黑哥们
You come to a brother and tell him
他要在黑色星期五上班
he gotta work on Black Friday.
你知道这听起来有多种族歧视吗?
You got any idea how racist that sounds?
让我工作 怎么你认为我归你所有吗?
Telling me to work. What, you think you own me?
我从没这么说过 告诉你
I never said this, I tell you.
但你是这么想的 是不是?
But you thought it, didn’t you?
你以为
You thought,
“我能违法让这黑鬼干活
“I’m gonna lay down the law for this nigga,
因为他桌上的食物是我给的
I put food on his table,
他黑孩的衣服是我给的
clothes on his nigga baby backs,
他连个屁也不会放的”
and he ain’t gonna say shit.”
这不是《断锁怒潮》(欺压黑人电影)
This ain’t Amistad.
你给我闭嘴
You shut up.
你真♥他♥妈♥说对了这不是《断锁怒潮》
You goddamn right this ain’t Amistad.
我等不及
I can’t wait till the post office
让邮局解决我的残疾诉讼了
settles my disability suit
因为到时我就会离开这烂地了
because then I’m gonna be out this motherfucker.
我会像奥普拉那么有钱
I’m gonna be Oprah rich.
你就等着舔我屁♥股♥吧
Y’all can kiss my ass.
跟你说吧 操♥你♥妈♥ 操你的 滚一边去
You know what? Fuck you. Fuck you, and suck cock.
你下地狱吧 你下地狱
To hell with you. To hell with you.
扎克理会上班的 扎克 我的孩子
Zachary will work. Zack, my boy.
是的
Yeah.
那位长兔唇的顾客 是的
The customer with the harelip- Oh, yeah.
告诉我 说你某晚在这打棒球了
speak me,say you were playing baseball here the other night.
是威浮球 还有 那不是我
Wiffle ball. And, uh, no, that wasn’t me.
或许因为兔唇的缘故
Maybe the harelip
听起来就像”棒球”
makes it sound like “baseball.”
也许你的听力有口音
Yeah, maybe you hear with an accent.
操你的 好吗? 好的
Fuck you, okay? Okay.
我有天会在那儿放个摄像头
One day, I’m gonna put a camera over there,
那我就能知道
and then I can tell–
我就知道我不在时你都干了些啥
I’ll know everything you do when I’m gone.
所有的事 抓蛋蛋 拉屎
Everything. Scratch your balls, take a shit,
所有事 告诉你了 好吗?
everything, I tell you, okay?
好的 老不死的
Okay. Fucker.
我恨你们俩这黑白双煞 告诉你们
I hate both of you ebony and ivory motherfuckers,I tell you.
他为啥这么死精神紧张?
Why is he so fucking high-strung?
“滚开 告诉你 非常好”
“Fuck off, I tell you. Very good.”
你相不相信相信那个甘地老杂种
Can you believe that Gandhi motherfucker,
让我黑色星期五也上班?
telling me I gotta work on Black Friday?
这不是些屁话吗?
Ain’t that some shit?
是的 就跟我不想购物似的
Yeah. Like I don’t wanna do shopping.
一年中打折最狠的日子
Biggest sales day of the year.
我要买♥♥台平板电视 相信我
I’m getting a flat-screen TV, believe that.
告诉你吧 都是我的错
That’s my fault, I should tell you.
我请了周五早上的假 对不起
I asked for Friday morning off, I’m sorry.
为什么 我到时需要时间复原
For what? I actually need a lot of recovery time.
今晚是我和米莉的高中十周年重聚会
Tonight is me and Miri’s ten-year high school reunion.
我他妈要酒精中毒一把
I’m just gonna get fucking alcohol poisoning.
重聚会?明天是感恩节
Reunion? Tomorrow’s Thanksgiving.
他们还搞这个岂不是作孽
Isn’t that fucked up that they do that?
他们说这是把大家聚起来的最好时机
They say it’s the best chance to get everyone together.
人们都回城过节
People come back in town for the holidays.
他们可以在一场由我做评委的
But they could have it in the middle of the summer
口♥交♥比赛中再聚
at a blowjob contest that I was judging,
就算这样也是傻得冒泡
and it would still be retarded.
那你为什么要去? 米莉让我去
So why you going, then? Miri’s making me go.
你为什么总为她做这做那?
Why you always bending over backwards for that girl,
明知她不会跟你上♥床♥
knowing she ain’t giving up no ass?
我们相处愉快
We got a good thing going.
她付一半房♥租 做饭 早上叫我起床
She pays half, does dishes, she wakes me up in the morning.
干嘛要扯上性?
Why complicate that with sex?
此外 伙计 我从一年级就认识她
Besides, man, I’ve known her since the first grade.
你不会干个一年级就认识的人
You don’t fuck someone you met in the first grade.
对不起 我在幼儿园就认识我妻子了
Excuse me, I met my wife in kindergarten.
大四结的婚
We got married senior year,
她从此就是我的女皇
and she has been the queen of my world ever since.
如果你能再来一次呢?
What if you could do it all over again?
我会闪开 自己生活
I’d jerk off and live by myself.
那女人就是我生命的克星
That woman is the bane of my existence.
看吧?
See?
抱歉 我能要杯咖啡吗 黑的?
Excuse me, can I get a coffee, black?
看不见我们在说话吗 白的?
Can’t you see we talking, white?
如果你要搞娃娃穿衣
If you’re gonna continue to emasculate me
来降低我的雄风
with this Barbie dress-up shit,
我就要用你的电脑
I’m using your laptop.
开机时别忘了拍两下
Don’t forget to smack it when you turn it on,
要不屏幕不会亮的
otherwise the screen doesn’t come on.
你干嘛不冲出去买♥♥台新的?
Why don’t you spring and get a new one?
原因跟我不冲出去
Same reason I don’t spring
买♥♥今晚的衣服一样 我没钱了
for clothes for tonight, I’m broke.
有个小妞在商业街的”非主流”店工作
There’s a chick who works at Teen Juice at the mall,you know
我给了她不少好处
I gave her a good deal on yarn,
才借到这些衣服 哟 兄弟
so she’s letting me borrow this stuff. Yo, bro.
怎么? 你在网上买♥♥按♥摩♥棒♥
What? You’re buying a vibrator online.
你原来个怎么了? 上周坏了
What’s wrong with the one you have? It died last week.
看看那条巨大的内♥裤♥
Look at the size of those fucking panties.