我为玛丽狂

-Why not make it a hundred? -Rock on.
-我赌 -我也赌
-I’m in. -Me too.
我已经给够钱了
I’ve paid him enough money.
工作完成后 我才付款 真麻烦
I’m not paying until the job gets done. He can kiss my ass.
你想怎样
What the hell do you want?
我叫泰德 来接玛丽去舞会
I’m Ted Stroehmann. I’m here to take Mary to the prom.
舞会
Prom?
玛丽和她男友胡基20分钟前就走了
Mary went to the prom 20 minutes ago with her boyfriend, Woogie.
-胡基 -胡基
-Woogie? -Woogie.
知道了
I see.
查里 你太坏了
Charlie, you are so mean.
他是玛丽的继父 查里 我是她妈妈雪娜
This is Mary’s stepfather. Charlie. I’m Sheila. her mother.
泰德 别理他 整天搞笑
Ted, don’t pay attention to anything he says. He’s a laugh a minute.
你真风趣
That’s very funny.
我只是和他开开玩笑 今天是舞会之夜
I’m just haring a little fun with the guy. It’s prom night.
胡基就有幽默感
Woogie’s got a sense of humor.
你好 沃伦
Oh, hey. Hi, Warren.
他一看音乐节目 便会忘形
Listen, once he gets into that MTV, he’ll be there for quite a while.
她来了 宝贝 你真美
Here she comes. Oh, honey. you look beautiful.
妈的 你看 小兄弟 好好照顾她
Shit, look at that. You better be careful. boy.
嗨 泰德
Hi. Ted.
玛丽 你真美
Hi. Mary. You look really pretty.
你外衣的颜色很好看
Thanks. I like your colors.
多谢 店员说是阴阳色
Oh, thanks. The guy said it was tan and taupe.
泰德真可怜 给你♥爸♥爸戏弄
Poor Ted’s been getting it both barrels from the wisenheimer here.
爸爸 你戏弄泰德
Dad. you haven’t been busting Ted’s chops, have you?
只是与他玩玩 对吗 泰德
I was just fucking with him, right. Ted? You know.
-沃伦 有跟泰德打招呼吗 -打了十次招呼
-Hey, Warren, did you say hi to Ted? -About 10 times.
好的
Okay.
沃伦 我找到你的棒球
Hey, Warren, I think I found your baseball.
-见到我的棒球了吗 -又白又大…
-You’ve seen my baseball? -Well. if it’s a big white one?
还有小红线
With little red stitching?
对了
Yup, it is.
我看到在你耳后
Then I think I saw it right behind your ear.
沃伦 等等
Warren. Warren. Warren. Hold it.
起来
Get up, boy. Hey. Warren.
小心
Be careful, man.
-起来 伙计 -沃伦
-Get up. man. -Warren.
把他放下来
Let go of him. Get down from there.
-泰德 你干什么 -泰德 泰德
-Hey, Ted, what are you doing, man? -Ted. Ted.
放他下来
Warren. put him down now.
-你搞什么鬼 -在那里
-What the hell are you doing? -Here, here. Mary. come around here.
这里是我家
This is my house. here.
-没事的 亲爱的 -沃伦 没事 给你
-Okay, sweetheart. okay. -It’s okay, Warren. It’s okay. Here you go.
-你疯了 -我是想把棒球给他
-What’s the matter with you? -I was trying to give him the baseball.
-棒球 什么棒球 -我有棒球 我知道他喜欢棒球
-Baseball? What baseball? -I had a baseball. I know he likes baseball.
-什么棒球 -就是…
-What baseball? -There was a… It’s right…
我肯定有带棒球来
There was a baseball here. I swear.
给他带了一个棒球 想给他一份礼物
I brought him a baseball. and I was just trying to give him a present.
-你在我家里向我大喊大叫 -没有
-Are you yelling at me in my own house? -No.
别惹火我 我会打你屁♥股♥
Don’t make me have to open a can of whup-ass on you.
泰德 我应该早告诉你 他很怕自己的耳朵被弄
Ted, I should have told you. He has a thing about his ears.
沃伦 没事吗
You all right. Warren?
宝贝 你的背带断了
Honey, your strap’s broken.
是的
You’re right.
泰德 我要上楼 很快便下来…
Hey, Ted, I’m just gonna go upstairs real quick. okay?
就一小会
I just need two minutes.
-我去弄好裙子 -我帮你
-I gotta fix my dress. -I’ll help you, honey.
-好 好 -先生 可否用一下你的洗手间
-Yeah, yeah. -Can I use your bathroom. sir?
我要…
I’ve gotta…
-他把桌子打坏了 -混♥蛋♥
-He broke the table. -Son of a bitch.
-不是我♥干♥的 -没关系
-I didn’t do it. -It’s all right. It’s all right.
-我发誓…-厕所在那边
-I swear there was… -The bathroom is that way.
有一个棒球
…a baseball.
也许我会狠狠对付他
Maybe I’ll open up a can of whup-ass on him.
帮帮那孩子
Trying to do the kid a favor.
他在看你吗
Is he looking at you? What is he…?
-他在那里做什么 -不 我…
-What is he doing down there? -Oh. no. I…
-不 我没有…-妈妈 等一下
-No, no, I wasn’t… I wasn’t… -Mom, wait.
-遮一下 -妈的
-Cover yourself. Cover yourself. -Shit!
-泰德 没事吗 -很好 一切都很好
-Ted, are you okay? -Yeah, I’m fine. Everything’s okay.
慢慢来 不要紧
Okay. Okay. just take your time. It’s all right.
他在里面超过半小时了
You know, he’s been in there over a half an hour.
查里 他一定在手♥淫♥
Charlie, I think he’s masturbating.
-拜托 -妈妈
-Oh. come on. -Mom.
他不是在手♥淫♥
He’s not masturbating.
他望着你脱衣时 带着傻笑
He was watching you undress with a silly grin on his face.
我在看小鸟
No, I was watching the birds.
-想想办法 -想让我怎么做
-Do something. -What do you want me to do?
他需要某个男人帮忙
I think he needs some male help.
-天呐 -不 爸爸 让他多留在里面一会
-Oh. for crying out… -No, Dad. just give him a minute.
-好吧 小子 我进来了 -不 不要
-Okay, kid. Listen, I’m coming in. okay? -No, no. Don’t.
搞什么鬼 尿到自己身上了
Now. exactly what the hell is the situation? What. did you shit yourself?
倒是希望如此
Oh, I wish.
这里夹住了
I got it stuck.
什么夹住了
You got what stuck?
这东西
It.
好吧 听着 这不是世界末日
Well, listen, it’s not the end of the world.
这种事是有可能发生
These kind of things happen.
让我看看
Let’s have a look at it.
噢 天啊 你在逗我
Oh, for God and heaven’s sake!
-安静 -雪娜
-Quiet. -Sheila.
-不 -雪娜
-No. -Sheila, honey?
不要
Don’t…
雪娜 宝贝 快来 一定要来看看
Sheila. honey, you gotta come here. You gotta see this.
-什么事 -什么 不是吧
-What is it? -What? No.
-快来 亲爱的 -不要
-Come in here. honey. -No. No, don’t.
不用担心 她是牙科专家 会有办法
Don’t worry. she’s a dental hygienist. She’ll know what to do.
-喂 泰德 -赞臣太太 你好
-Hi, Ted. -Hi, Mrs. Jensen. How are you?
-你没事吗 -没事
-You okay? -Yeah.
老天
Holy shit.
-应预先提醒我一声 -镇静
-Charlie. you could have warned me. -Keep it down.
-好吧 我…-很抱歉
-Okay, I…. -I’m sorry, Mrs. Jensen.
我不想玛丽听到
I don’t want Mary to… I don’t want her to hear.
放松点 好吗
Yeah. Let’s just relax here. okay?
这究竟是什么东西
Now. what exactly are we looking at here?
-什么意思 -我是说 这是…
-What do you mean? What…? -Well. I mean, is it the…?
或是
Or the…?
-究竟是夹住枪枪 还是蛋蛋 -没错
-Is it the frank or the beans? -Right.
我不知道 可能两样都夹住了
I don’t know. It looks like… I think it’s a little bit of both.
-枪枪和蛋蛋 -沃伦 安静
-Franks and beans. Franks and beans. -Warren, quiet.
-那泡泡是什么 -你想什么呢
-What’s that bubble there? -What do you think? It’s a…
为何蛋蛋会在枪枪上面
Well, how the hell did you get the beans above the frank? I mean…
不知道 我不是故意的
I don’t know. It wasn’t like it was a well-thought-out plan.
刮伤的面♥积♥很大
You know, there really does seem to be a lot of skin coming through there…
我去找些消毒药水
…so I’m gonna find some Bactine. honey.
不用了 真的
No. You know what? I don’t need any. Really.
-你好啊 -天呐
-Hello there. -Oh. Christ.
什么事
What the hell’s going on here?
-邻居说听到有女士喊叫 -那个”女士”就是他
-Neighbors said they heard a lady scream. -Well. you’re looking at him.
你最好看看这个
You gotta take a look at this thing.
-天 -精彩吗
-Oh. Jesus. -Ain’t it a beaut?
你究竟搞什么鬼
What the hell were you thinking?
你怎么把拉链拉到顶的
How the hell did you get the zipper all the way to the top?
只能说这小子手脚迟钝
Well, let’s just say the kid’s limber.
-天 搞什么鬼 -你没事吧
-Christ. What the…? God. -You okay?
有架旅行车挡住我们的车 我进不来
Somebody’s gonna have to move that station wagon so I can get in.
-兰尼 过来 -什么
-Lenny. come here. -Who…?
看这笨蛋干了什么好事
Take a look at what this numbnuts did.
见鬼
Holy shit.
麦克 艾迪 快下来 叫大家来 带上相机