金牌制作人（2005）

开演 开演
♪ Opening night, opening night ♪
今夜好戏要开演
♪ It’s opening night ♪
马必脱的全新大戏
♪ It’s Max Bialystock’s latest show ♪
一炮而红 还是一败涂地
♪ Will it flop or will it go? ♪
演员们已经开始谢幕
♪ The cast is taking its final bow ♪
观众们正起身离席
♪ Here comes the audience now ♪
大门打开 就将散场
♪ The doors are open They’re on their way ♪
我们来听听 他们评价怎么样
♪ Let’s hear what they have to say ♪
又打脸了 又打脸了
♪ He’s done it again. He’s done it again ♪
马必脱果然又打脸了
♪ Max Bialystock has done it again ♪
简直无法直视
♪ We can’t believe it ♪
令人目瞪口呆
♪ You can’t conceive it ♪
他一定是垃圾厂的厂长
♪ How’d he achieve it ♪
才造得出垃圾中的战斗机
♪ It’s the worst show in town ♪
我们如坐针毡
♪ We sat there sighing ♪
尴尬症已经发作
♪ Groaning and crying ♪
毫无疑问的结果
♪ There’s no denying ♪
这是垃圾中的杰作
♪ It’s the worst show in town ♪
我们只想起哄喝倒彩
♪ Oh, we wanted to stand up and hiss. ♪
明显是坨屎 怎能下得脚去踩
♪ We’ve seen shit, but never like this ♪
马必脱又打脸了
Max Bialystock has done it again.
歌♥曲太烂 剧本全完
♪ The songs were rotten. The book was stinking. ♪
莎翁吐♥血♥在九泉 戏剧圈也丢尽脸
♪ What he did to Shakespeare. Booth did to Lincoln. ♪
为了他的烂戏 我们特别准备了这种牌子
We had this specially made up for Max Bialystock.
我们慌忙逃窜
♪ We couldn’t leave faster ♪
真是一场灾难
♪ What a disaster ♪
我们心有余悸
♪ We are still in shock ♪
这是谁的手笔
♪ Who produced this schlock ♪
就是臭不可闻 烂剧之王 马♥克♥思♥·必亚脱
♪ That slimy, sleazy Max Bialystock ♪
真够呛！
♪ What a bum! ♪
有人吗
Hello?
必亚脱先生？
Mr. Bialystock?
有人在吗？
Anybody here?
必亚脱先生？
Mr. Bialystock?
你是谁 你来干嘛
Who are you? What are you doing here?
你要干嘛
What do you want?
说话 傻瓜 快说话
Speak to me, dummy, speak!
你不说话干嘛呢
Why don’t you speak?
吓着了 回血呢
Scared. Can’t talk.
好吧 抱歉了
All right. I’m sorry.
不好意思 冷静点
I’m sorry. Calm down.
别紧张 这边来
Get a hold of yourself. Come with me.
这边 来
There. Come on. Come on.
来 这边 留神脚下
Come on. Right this way. Watch your step.
行了 深呼吸
Look. Just……Take a deep breath.
慢慢呼出来
Let it out slowly.
你是谁 -我是李奥·布鲁姆
Who are you? I am Leopold Bloom.
我是白富马事务所的会计师
I’m an accountant. I’m from Whitehall & Marks…
我来帮您查账的
and I have come here to do your books.
查账的是吧
Oh, you have, huh?
谁啊？
Well, listen…… Who is it?
抱宝宝 摸宝宝
Hold me, touch me.
抱宝宝 摸宝宝 这是我的投资人
Hold Me-Touch Me. One of my backers.
我要见一个很重要的投资人
Listen, I have to meet with an important investor.
帮我个忙 去上个厕所
Do me a big favor. Go to the bathroom.
可是我并无三急 – 去吧去吧
But I don’t have to go. Try. Try.
想象一下尼加拉瓜瀑布 飞流直下
Think of Niagara Falls.
这就来 亲爱的！
Be with you in a moment, my darling!
抱宝宝 亲宝宝 这是哪个宝宝来着？
Hold Me-Touch Me. Where is Hold Me-Touch Me?
亲宝宝摸宝宝 掐宝宝捏宝宝 舔宝宝咬宝宝 吮宝宝插……
Kiss Me-Feel Me, Pinch Me-Pinch Me, Lick Me-Bite Me, Suck Me-F……
找到了 抱宝宝亲宝宝
Here she is. Hold Me-Touch Me.
您这招真管用 我一想到飞流直下…
You know, it worked. As soon as I pictured Niagara Falls…
回去！回去！别出声
Back! Back! Don’t make a sound.
来啦 来啦
Coming, coming.
好多了
Better.
你好 大美人
Hello, gorgeous.
抱宝宝 摸宝宝 – 关上门咱就来
Hold me, touch me. As soon as I shut the door.
今天有没有带票票？
Did you bring the checkie?
没票票的话 小必必就搞不了舞台剧了
Bialy can’t produce plays without checkies.
给你
Here you go.
不过 咱们先玩个游戏怎么样？
But first, can we please play a game?
脏脏的小游戏
One dirty little game.
没问题 我的小野猫
All right, my little sex kitty.
玩点什么呢？
What shall we play?
少女和泥瓦匠？ – 不要啦
The Debutante and the Bricklayer? Oh, no.
不要吗
No.
教士和瑜伽教练？
How about the Rabbi and the Contortionist?
你喜欢这个的 小阿姨 帮你保持身体柔韧
You like that one, Mama, keeps you limber.
这样 我们玩处♥女♥挤奶工和巨根马夫
I know. Let’s play the Virgin Milkmaid and the Well-Hung Stable Boy.
我恐怕是有心无力啊
I don’t think I have the strength.
放心宝贝 我会裙下留情的 – 好吧
Oh, don’t worry. I’ll be gentle. All right.
哎哟哟
Oh, dear!
这桶奶有些吃重
This milk is so heavy.
人家背不到宅子去了呢
I’ll never reach the house.
这不是巨根马夫吗
You there, well-hung stable boy.
能帮帮人家嘛？
Won’t you please help me?
没问题 奶油小女王
Of course, my little dairy queen.
第一步 我拿你的奶
First, I’ll take your milk.
第二步 我拿你的贞操！
Then I shall take your virginity!
不不不 不要
No. No. Never. No.
好好好 我要
Yes. Yes.
给我 巨根 快给我
Give it to me, well-hung, give it to me.
宝贝 等会 我早起连咖啡还没喝呢
Darling, wait! I haven’t even had coffee yet.
慢慢来 慢慢来
Take it easy. Take it easy.
天啊
Oh, my God!
快让我上天 你这小野兽 – 遵命
Send me to the moon, you animal. Yes.
让我上天 – 遵命
Send me to the moon. Yes.
好了宝贝 星期四 周四再说
Yes, my darling. Thursday. Come back Thursday.
我周四再送你上天
I’ll send you to the moon Thursday.
没准我也跟你一起上天
I may even join you.
不过先说说票子 票票呢
But first the checkie. Where’s the checkie?
快点 快点 先把票票找出来
Come on, come on, find the checkie.
瞧你急的
Oh, here you go.
我照你说的开的
I made it out like you told me.
投资剧目叫《现金》 – 对的
To the title of the play, “Cash.” Yes.
这剧名字好直白 就叫《现金》？
It’s a funny name for a play, “Cash.”
没错
Yes.
《冰人来了》不也很直白嘛 那么我们周四见
So was The lceman Cometh. I’ll see you Thursday.
拜拜
Ta-ta. Ta-ta.
拜拜 拜拜
Bye. Bye.
你个老色胚
You dirty old buzzard.
我能出厕所了吗？必亚脱先生？
Mr. Bialystock?
行 出来吧
Yeah, sure.
很抱歉撞见您和这位老妇人的特别交情
I’m terribly sorry I caught you feeling up the old lady.
“特别交情”？
“Feeling up the old lady.”
谢了 会计师先生
Thank you, Mr. Tact.
我帮您拿外套好吗？ – 谢谢
May I take your coat? Oh, thank you.
这么说 你是算账的？ – 是的先生，我是算账的
So, you’re an accountant? Yes, sir, I am, sir.
那我就跟你算算账！
Then account for yourself!
老熟♥女♥怎么了 你作何居心？
Why are you looking up little old ladies’ dresses?
有点变♥态♥ 是吧
Bit of a pervert, eh?
我知道你想什么
I know what you’re thinking.
你没有调查研究 凭什么谴责我？
How dare you condemn me without knowing all the facts?
必亚脱先生，我没有… -闭嘴！
Oh, Mr. Bialystock, I wasn’t–Shut up!
我只是自说自话
I’m having a rhetorical conversation.
你知道我以前有多风光？ – 我知道
Do you know who I used to be? Why, yes.
您是马必脱先生 百老汇之王
Yes. You were Max Bialystock, the King of Broadway.
不对，我是马必…你居然说对了
No, I’m Max……That’s right.
没错 而且我要说 马必脱先生
That’s right. And might I say, Mr. Bialystock…
您别误会
and please don’t take this the wrong way…