单身公寓（1968）

如果你还想要住在这里的话，
…I don’t wanna see you, I don’t wanna hear you, I don’t wanna smell your cooking.
不要让我看见你，
不要让我听见你的声音，
别让我闻到你做的饭的味道
Now, kindly remove that spaghetti from my poker table.
现在快点把你的意大利细面条拿开
从我的扑克桌上拿开
这有什么好笑的？
– What the hell is so funny? – It’s not spaghetti. It’s linguine.
这不是意大利细面条 是意大利粗面条
现在，它是垃圾
Now it’s garbage.
你是个疯子
You’re crazy.
我是个神经病，但你却是个疯子
I’m a neurotic nut, but you’re crazy.
这真是好笑啊
I’m crazy, huh? That’s really funny coming from a fruitcake like you.
你这种人居然也能说出这种话
我不会去打扫它们的
– Uh-huh. I’m not cleaning that up. – Is that a promise?
这算是个许诺吗？
Did you hear what I said? I’m not cleaning that up.
你听懂我说的话了吗？
我不会去打扫它们的
That’s your mess.
那是你弄脏的，看看吧
Look at it. Look at it. It’s hanging all over the wall.
你把墙上弄的到处都是面条
我喜欢这样，怎么了
I like it.
你就让那些面条一直待在墙上吗
You’d just let it hang there, wouldn’t you?
让它们一直在墙上
Just let it hang until it got all hard and brown and…
直到它们变硬，变黑，变的…
太恶心了
Yuck. It’s disgusting.
好吧，还是我去打扫吧
– Well, I’m cleaning it. – Leave that alone. You leave that alone.
别动
你别动它们
You touch one strand of that linguine and I’m gonna punch you right in your sinuses.
你要是敢碰一根面条，
我一定会打你的
狠狠地打在你的肘弯
You better pull yourself… Hey, Oscar, come on, now.
嗨，奥斯卡，你来啊
现在，你听着，
– Listen, why don’t you just take a tranquilizer? – Go to your room.
你为什么不去服用一些镇静剂呢？
到你的房♥间去
– I said, go to your room. – Let’s just all settle down, huh?
我说你给我到你的房♥间里面去
让我们都冷静点
我警告你，菲力克斯
I’m warning you, Felix. You wanna live through this night…
你要是今天晚上想要睡好的话，
…you’d better keep this door locked. And lock your windows too!
最好把门锁好咯
还有把你的窗户也给我锁好
好了，奥斯卡，我想知道到底发生了什么事
All right, Oscar, I’d like to know what’s happened.
发生了什么事？
– What’s happened? – Something made you go off the deep end.
有些事情让你变得暴躁
我想知道是什么事，是我说的或是我做的事吗？
Is it something I said or something I did?
不是你说的
Nothing you said, noth… Don’t start me, Felix.
别再问我了，菲力克斯
是因为我做饭？我清洁？还是因为我哭？
Oscar, what is it? Is it the cooking or the cleaning? The crying?
好吧，我告诉你是什么吧
I’ll tell you exactly what it is. It’s the cooking, the cleaning, the crying.
就是因为你做饭，你清洁，你哭
你还在我睡觉的时候和我说话
It’s the talking in your sleep.
你还在每天凌晨两点的时候
It’s those moose calls that open your ears at 2:00 in the morning.
发出那种能把人吵醒的怪叫
我真的无法忍♥受了，菲力克斯
I can’t take it anymore, Felix. I’m cracking up.
我快崩溃了
你做的所有事都让我不耐烦，
Everything you do irritates me.
当你不在家的时候，
And when you’re not here, the things I know you’re gonna do when you come in irritate me.
你打算要在回来的时候做的事也让我不耐烦
你还在我的枕头上放小纸条
You leave me little notes on my pillow.
我都告诉过你一百五十八次了
I’ve told you 158 times, I cannot stand little notes on my pillow.
我讨厌别人在我的枕头上留给我小纸条
“我们的玉米片吃完了.F.U.”
“We are all out of cornflakes. F.U.”
我用了三个小时的时间才弄明白
Took me three hours to figure out that F.U. Was Felix Ungar.
原来F.U.就是菲力克斯·恩格
这并不是你的错，菲力克斯
It’s not your fault, Felix. It’s a rotten combination, that’s all.
这是多种因素共同造成的
是的，我能想象的到那个画面
Yeah. I get the picture.
可我还没有画呢啊
I haven’t even painted the picture yet.
我在办公室里放了一张打字机打出来的表格
I got a typewritten list in my office…
上面记着你做的十件最让我郁闷的事
…of the 10 most aggravating things you do that drive me berserk…
它们使我抓狂，
而昨天晚上它到达了极限
…but last night was the topper.
噢，伙计，它到了极限
Oh, brother, that was the topper, that was the ever-loving lulu of all times.
那是多么好的一次机会啊
我把一切都安排好了
I had it set up with that English Betty Boop and her sister…
和那对英国姐妹一起
我们一边喝茶
…and I wind up drinking tea all night and telling them your life story.
一边和她们说着你的故事
Don’t blame me for that. I warned you not to make that date.
我警告过你不要定下那次约会
不要自己独断专行
Don’t point that at me unless you intend to use it.
别用手指指着我
除非你真的很想那么做
Get off of my back, Oscar. Get off. Off.
别再讽刺我了，奥斯卡！
这算是什么？发脾气吗？
What’s this, a display of temper?
我还见过你真生气呢
I haven’t seen you angry since the day I dropped my cigar in your pancake batter.
自从那次我把烟头扔在你的烤饼上之后
就再也没有见过了
奥斯卡，你想要听的话
You’re asking to hear something I don’t wanna say.
我是不会说的，但是我说的话，
But if I do say it, I think you ought to hear.
我觉得你最好听一听
好吧，把想说的都说出来吧
You got anything on your chest besides your chin, you better get it off.
把所有的不愉快都发泄出来吧
All right! Then you asked for it!
很好！这是你自己要求的！
你是个非常棒的伙计 奥斯卡
You’re a wonderful guy, Oscar. You’ve done everything for me.
你做的所有事都是为了我
If it weren’t for you, I don’t know what would’ve happened.
如果不是你，
我还不知道会变成什么样子
You took me in, you gave me a place to live, you gave me something to live for.
你给了我地方住
你也给了我生活的希望
I’m never gonna forget you for that, Oscar.
因为这些，我永远都不会把你忘记，奥斯卡
你是我最好的朋友
You’re tops with me.
我刚才是不是被数落了一番，
If I’ve just been told off, I may have missed it.
发生了什么，我什么都不记的了
数落现在才刚要开始呢
It’s coming.
你是这个世界上最懒的家伙之一
You’re also one of the biggest slobs in the world.
我知道
– I see. – Totally unreliable…
你这人不可靠，不可信，还很不负责任
– Is that it? …undependable and irresponsible.
接着说 我觉得你现在很激动
– Keep going, you’re hot. – No, you’ve been told off. How do you like that?
不，我不激动，你只是在被数落而已
你感觉怎么样？
Good. Good.
很好，很好！
Because now…
因为现在…
我就要开始数落你了
…I’m gonna tell you off.
在过去的六个月里，
For six months, I’ve lived alone in this apartment.
我一直自己孤单的住在这个屋子里…
自己住在这有八个房♥间的大屋子里
All alone in eight big rooms.
我灰心，我沮丧，我感到厌烦
I was dejected, despondent and disgusted…
然后你搬了进来…
…and then you moved in, my closest and dearest friend.
我最好最亲密的朋友
在过去三个星期和你的共处中，
And after three weeks of close personal contact…
我都快神经失常了
…I’m about to have a nervous breakdown.
菲力克斯，你能帮我一个忙吗？
Do me a favor, will you, Felix? Move into the kitchen.
到厨房♥里面去住吧
Live with your pots, your pans, your ladles, your meat thermometers.
和你的锅碗瓢盆住在一起，还有你的肉糜卷
但你想要出来的时候
When you wanna come out, just ring a bell and I’ll run into the bedroom.
就按一下铃，我会快速的跑回我的房♥间的
我很诚恳的求你了，菲力克斯，
I’m asking you nicely, Felix, as a friend.
如果是朋友的话，就不要管我了
Stay out of my way.
你可以穿上纸拖鞋走吗？那的地板我刚刚擦过
Walk on the paper. I washed the floor in there.
嗨，离我远点，奥斯卡
Hey, stay away from me, Oscar.
奥斯卡！奥斯卡，离我远点！
Hey, Oscar. Oscar, stay away from me. Oscar! Oscar, cut it out!
奥斯卡！
今天我一定要杀了你
This is the day I’m gonna kill you.
奥斯卡！
– Oscar! – I’m gonna kill you.
不！奥斯卡！
No! Oscar!
奥斯卡！
– Oscar. – I’m gonna kill you.
你要是打伤了我，
You hit me, you’ve got yourself one sweet lawsuit, boy.
你一定会受到你自己良心上的审判的！
这些狗应该被拴起来
Those dogs should be on a leash.
奥斯卡，我们能好好的谈谈吗？
– Oscar, can I speak to you calmly? – First you’ll bleed, then we’ll talk.
除非你流血了，否则我们无话可说
我抓到你了，菲力克斯
I got you now. There’s no place for you to go but down.
除了跳楼你现在已经无处可走了
你疯了吗？
Are you out of your mind? If you wanna fight, let’s go to the living room.
你要是想打，我们可以回到客厅去打
我不想在我的客厅里再看到你
I don’t want you in my living room. I don’t want you in my bedroom, my bathroom…
我也不希望在厨房♥里看见你，
还有我的客厅，我的全部
…my kitchen, my elevator, my hall or my building. I don’t want you at all.
我在哪都不想看到你
什么？
– What? – It’s over. The whole marriage.
这已经结束了，菲力克斯，婚姻已经结束了
We’re getting an annulment.
我们的结婚证书已经无效了
Don’t you understand? I don’t wanna live with you anymore!
我不想再和你住在一起了！
你现在立刻收拾你的东西给我走开！
I want you to pack up your things, tie it up in Saran wrap and get out of here!
你真的想让我搬出去？
– You mean actually move out? – Actually, physically, immediately.
没错，现在，立即
你是说现在就搬？
– You mean move out this minute? – Yes, this minute.
是的，如果你能立刻就搬走
If you can do it sooner, I’d appreciate it.
我会非常感激你的
你知道吗，我其实倒是真的很想离开