黑麦巷 Rye Lane（2023）

It’s exactly what I’ve been wanting to say,
但我却忙着像隻母狗一样顺从
but I’ve been too busy rolling over like a bitch.
-我不该那麽说的 -不，但妳说得对
-I shouldn’t have said that. -No, it’s true though.
走吧，我饿了，我好饿，妳饿吗？
Oh, come on. I’m hungry. I’m hungry. Are you hungry?
-不知道… -拜託…
-I don’t know– -Come on–
不，听我说，妳帮了我大忙 这是我最起码能做的事
No, listen, you just rode to my rescue. It’s the least I can do.
不管妳要什麽，都算我的
Anything you want, it’s on me.
好吧
Fine.
走哪边？哪边？去哪边？
Which way? Which way? Which way?
Um.
我在想或许能去布里克斯顿 吃超棒的墨西哥捲饼
I was thinking maybe there’s this banging burrito place in Brixton we could go to.
走这边吗？
This way?
这边
This way.
（卡汉特♥价♥零售店）
♪ Time will only tell me an eternity ♪
♪ I remember the first time we met ♪
（司法暴♥力♥） （《警♥察♥、犯罪、量刑与法♥院♥法桉》）
♪ You had my heart wanting To disconnect from me ♪
♪ Hearing your eyes say to me ♪
♪ Come rollerblade with me ♪
♪ Show me the ropes ♪
♪ Hold tight and do not let go of me ♪
♪ It was autumn back in ’93 ♪
♪ The leaves were falling down Ever reluctantly ♪
（布里克斯顿全天然食品）
♪ You had your hair long When the days were short ♪
宝贝，妳这身装扮…给妳打满分
Babe, that outfit? Tens across the board.
太感谢妳了
Oh. Thank you so much.
妳认识她？
Do you know her?
不，但她看起来很辣，不是吗？
No, but she looks fire, innit?
你好，兄弟，你的鞋很好看
What’s up, man? Cool kicks.
什麽？
What?
白♥痴♥
Dickhead, man.
回家吃奶吧
Suck your mum.
好吧
Yep.
（茱莉亚生蚝小舖，香槟生蚝吧）
所以搬回家不是你的首选？
So, moving back wasn’t your first choice then?
当然不是
No.
我试过睡沙发 但结果我发现我是需要床的人
I tried the sofa thing, but it turns out, I’m a man who requires sheets.
所以你是为了舒服的寝具搬回去住的
Ah, so you’re in it for the quality bedding.
老实说，他们好像永远都不想让我离开
Honestly, it’s like they never want me to leave.
他们买♥♥了游戏机给我
They bought me a PlayStation.
我爸老是强迫我跟他一起骑脚踏车
My dad forces me on bike rides all the time.
我妈真的不停地帮我煮水煮蛋和吐司切条
My mum literally won’t stop makin’ me boiled eggs and soldiers.
你好可怜喔
Aw, you poor thing.
我真的开始退化了
I swear I’m devolving.
（布里克斯顿） （派对用品舖）
你知道吗？我看得出来你是妈宝
You know, I can see you as a mummy’s boy.
我这已经很脆弱的自尊心又受到了重击
And my already fragile ego takes another blow.
Oh.
♪ Why did you go? ♪
♪ Why did you go? ♪
♪ Why did you go? Why did you go? ♪
-♪ Why did you go? ♪
那怎麽是坏事呢？
Why is that bad?
对我来说，跟你♥妈♥的♥感情很好
I mean, for me, a good relationship with your mum
就相当于在狗展上 检查狗狗牙龈是否健康的人
is like the man equivalent of checking a dog’s got healthy gums on Crufts.
这样的话，我会感到自豪，我就是妈宝
Well, in that case, I’ll own it. I am a mummy’s boy.
好吧，听你这麽说就没那麽性感了
Okay, it’s less hot when you say it.
（其实就是爱）
糟了，我还没看菜单
-Oh, shit, I haven’t looked yet.
你相信我吗？
You trust me?
你好，柯林
– Mmm. -Yes, Colin.
要两份辣猪肉捲饼，什麽都加
We’ll have two spicy porks with everything.
要辣吗？
Hot sauce?
当然要啦
You know it.
抱歉，我不要辣，谢谢
I’m sorry. None for me, thanks.
辣猪肉有多辣？如果满分是十分的话
Um, how spicy is the spicy pork? Like, out of ten?
你喜欢吃辣吗？
Do you like spicy food?
一点都不喜欢
Strong no.
那就是八分辣
Then, an eight.
那样的话，我要换成鸡肉，谢谢
In that case, I’ll change mine to the chicken, please.
不过那裡写的是微辣 是轻微的微辣吗？还是…
Although, it says mild. Is that mild-mild? Or…
Um.
Mmm.
妳不接电♥话♥吗？
You gonna answer that?
所以史上最清澹的捲饼味道怎麽样？
So, how was the blandest burrito ever?
很好吃
Delicious.
好吧
-Hmm. Okay. Hmm.
你看，我牙缝裡有东西吗？
Hey. Have I got food in my teeth?
没有，很乾淨
Nope. Fresh.
那我呢？
How about me?
超乾淨的
Squeaky clean.
一、二、三、四
One, two, three, four,
五、六，换脚
five, six, and change legs.
-那个…妳跟妳前男友 -抬起来，二…
– So, you and your ex. – Lift up. Two…
我最喜欢的话题
My favourite subject.
Were you two living together then before you…
你们住在一起吗？在你们…
没有，我们还没到那种程度
Uh, no. We weren’t quite there yet.
这样比较轻鬆吧
Makes it easier, I guess.
不需要把平板电视锯成两半
Not having to chainsaw the flat-screen in half.
这是其中一点
There’s that.
还有要是我滚回家的话，恐怕不会有很多
Plus, I doubt there’d be a lot of, uh, bike rides
脚踏车之旅和水煮蛋
and boiled eggs if I rocked up home.
四…
Four…
-有一天，我会跟她们一样 -五…
– That will be me one day, man. -Five…
拥有几个有钱的前夫 月经已经成为遥远的记忆
Couple rich ex-husbands, menstruation a distant memory,
坐在公园裡，两隻脚摆在头后方
sat out in the park with both my legs behind my head.
真是太美好了
It’s just beautiful.
三
Three.
四
-Four.
-他会是我的未来 -五
– That will be me. -Five.
虽然很老了，但还是性飢渴
Old but still thirsty.
六…
Six…
换脚
– Change your legs.
所以在艾瑞克事件之前 你完全没察觉你跟吉雅已经结束了？
So, before the Eric stuff, you had no idea you and Gia were done?
对，我以为我们很稳定
Nope. Thought we were all set.
真的？
Really?
一点徵兆都没有？
There wasn’t a single moment?
你们美好关係中的小小裂痕？
A tiny crack in the beautiful pottery that was you and her?
我必须回想一下
I’m gonna need to think about that.
妳先说吧
You go first.
妳何时发现跟前男友已经结束了？
When did you realise you and your ex were done?
可能有过无数次警钟，都被我忽略了
Oh. There were probably a shitload of alarm bells I was snoozing through.
但要我具体挑一个的话…
But if I had to pick a specific moment…
他不会对船挥手
He don’t wave at boats.
妳说什麽？
Say again?
如果船上有人向你挥手 你必须也对他们挥手
If people on a boat wave at you, you have to wave back.
这是定律
It’s the law.
旅游业资助了色情人口贩卖♥♥
Tourism funds sex trafficking.
Hmm.
什麽？
What?
所以显然这世上有两种人
So apparently there are two types of people in this world.
一种是会对船挥手的人
The ones who wave at boats
另一种是厌恶喜悦的人
and the ones who hate joy.
我是哪一种？
Which one am I?
我还说不准
Haven’t decided yet.
对了，我想到了一个明显的分手徵兆
Oh, so, I have thought about my writing-on-the-wall moment.
这还是会让我晚上惊醒，感觉难堪
This still wakes me up at night cringin’.
这一定很有趣
Ooh, this gonna be good.
好的，所以不久前，在我们的週年纪念日
Okay, um, so, a while back, for our anniversary,
我想做点特别的事
I wanted to do something special.
所以我在我们第一次约会时 去的那家餐厅订了位
So I booked the place we ended up at on our first date.
真不敢相信我盛装打扮就为了这个
Can’t believe I filled in my eyebrows for this.
莫利深夜快餐
– Late-night Morley’s.
我以为那样会很可爱和浪漫
I thought it would be cute and romantic.
一个甜蜜的小小怀旧之举…
A sweet little throwback…
喂，老大，我需要鸡肉
Hey-yo, boss man! I need chicken!
但显然不是
…but apparently not.
喂，妳很幸运，不是吗？
Hey, you’re a lucky girl, aren’t you?
总之，那是我最后一次隆重地向她示爱
Anyway, that was the last grand gesture I tried.
好吧，我没在说谎，好吗？
Okay, I’m not even lyin’, yeah?
那其实是我梦想中的约会
That is literally my dream date.