黑麦巷 Rye Lane（2023）

当行星对齐时，就会发生大合相…
When the stars align, the great conjunction happened–
-我开始觉得这可能不是… -抱歉
-I’m starting to think maybe this wasn’t– -Sorry.
我接到纽约办公室的电♥话♥ 我说：「我得挂电♥话♥了」
I was on a call with the New York office. I was like, “I gotta go!”
他们却说：「不行！」
And they were like, “No!”
总之…妳一定就是吉雅吧
Anyway… [gasps] You must be Gia.
天啊，女孩，照片上的妳没这麽好看耶
Wow, girl, your profile pics do not do you justice.
我是雅丝
I’m Yas.
妳好，我是艾瑞克
Hi. I’m Eric.
那个低解析度老二的主人
Ah. He of the low-res cock.
我声名远播了
– My rep precedes me.
天啊
Geez!
谢谢，好香啊
Thank you. Smells amazing.
抱歉，我有点搞不清楚
Sorry, I’m a little bit lost.
-妳是… -雅丝，是唐的…
-You are… -Yas. Dom’s…
怎麽说呢？我们还没给自己贴上标籤吧？
Well, we’re not really labelling it yet, are we?
但我们暂时就只是很低调的炮♥友♥吧
But I guess we’re just kind of low-key fucking at the moment.
我们很合拍，所以你们知道的…
Uh, we’re vibin’, so, you know…
-很好啊 -谁说得准呢？
-Okay. – Who knows?
好啊，我明白，你找到更好的了
Okay, I see you, movin’ up in the world.
不是更好的
Not up.
我以为我们说好了…
Um, I thought we agreed–
我知道我说过什麽 但我好想你，我的性感饺子
I know what I said, but I missed you, my sexy dumpling.
你们不会介意的，对吧？
You guys don’t mind, right?
不介意
– No. -Mm-mmm.
不，我…很高兴妳来了
No, I– I love that you’re here.
我们点了几道菜一起吃，所以妳别客气
Um, we actually ordered some bits for the table, so help yourself.
试试那些炸丸子吧 它们好吃到会让妳高♥潮♥
And try one of those croquette tings, it’ll make you cream.
天啊
Geez!
总之，我什麽都想知道
Anyway, I wanna know everything.
怎麽…你们是怎麽认识的？
Um, how– how did you guys meet?
这是个满可爱的故事，你想说吗，宝鼻？
Oh, it’s a pretty cute story. Do you wanna tell it, bub?
不要，妳来说吧
No, you, uh, go for it,
宝鼻
bub.
你们听过「只不过是江湖事」吗？
You guys heard of Nothin’ But A G Thang?
那是很好玩的嘻哈卡拉OK之夜
It’s this fire hip-hop karaoke night.
我跟姊妹们几天前去了那裡
Me and my girls were there a few nights back.
我一边放鬆，一边努力拒绝 那些想搭讪又很无趣的男生
And, you know, I was just chillin’, fighting off an onslaught of dead guys.
就在我正想着
And just as I’m thinkin’,
「天啊，这地方连个像样的男生都没有」 就在这时候我听到…
“Rah, there isn’t a single decent guy in this entire place,” I hear…
有请雅丝，快上来
-We have Yas! Come on!
结果是我的姊妹们为了戏弄我帮我报了名
Turns out one of my girls put my name down as a joke!
我们来个合唱怎麽样？
How about we have ourselves a little duet?
那是一种直接又深刻的动物性吸引力
And it was just this immediate, deep, animal attraction.
一触即发的性冲动 房♥间裡的每个人都能感觉到
Palpable sexual energy crackling. Everyone in the room could feel it.
真的吗？
-Really?
-真的 -是啊，是真的
-Yeah. -Yeah, really.
但妳知道吗？妳说「房♥间」 感觉像是很小的空间
But, you know, calling it “a room” makes it sound kinda small.
-我们让每个人都嗨翻天 -我们爱你们，唐和雅丝
– We lit that place up. – We love you, Dom and Yas!
（我爱唐）
-每个人都疯掉了 -我想帮你生孩子
– People were losin’ their minds. – I want your babies!
那裡真是人山人海
And there was just, like, this sea of people.
就像个小型演唱会
-Like a mini concert. -Mmm.
然后我们唱完时，大家开始不停地喊着…
And when we finished, the crowd started chanting…
唐和雅丝，唐和雅丝
Dom and Yas. Dom and Yas.
-雅丝和唐，唐和雅丝 -唐…唐，唐和雅丝
-Yas and Dom. Yam and Yas. -Dom-Dom. Dom and Yas.
唐和雅丝，雅丝和唐
Dom and Yas! Yas and Dom!
他们高喊着…
And they were screamin’…
安可！安可
Encore! Encore!
安可！安可
“Encore! Encore!”
不再唱一首的话，他们就会拆掉屋顶了
They were gonna tear the place down if we didn’t go again,
-所以我们唱了五、六… -是二十
-so we did, like, five, six… -It was 20.
更多首歌♥，太好玩了
-…more songs. It was wild. -Mm-hmm.
这无疑是史上最棒的邂逅故事
Well, that’s gotta be, hands down, the greatest hook-up story of all time.
我有个问题
I have a question.
你去唱卡拉OK？
You did karaoke?
我想妳是对的吧
I guess you were right.
人真的会改变
People do change.
-羊肉吗？ -好啊…
– Lamb? -Yeah–
不行
-No!
谢谢
-Thank you!
对了，小唐，你知道吗？
Oh, shit. D, guess what?
我被那家运动酒吧炒鱿鱼了
I got fired from the sports bar.
不会吧
– No.
-宝贝… -真的
-Baby… -Yeah.
你干嘛提这件事？
…why you bringing that up now?
他以前在那裡工作，这是个笑话
He used to work there. It’s banter.
-没错 -对，你知道是怎样的
-Yeah. – Yeah. You know how it was, like,
你得走到地下室去使用员工厕所
if you have to go to the staff loos by going down to the basement?
我受够了
Got tired of doing that.
所以我开始在果汁瓶子裡小便
So, I just started pissing in Oasis bottles,
因为瓶口很大，不会溢出来
’cause you know that big rim, no spillage.
我把它们都藏在置物柜裡 我一直提醒自己
I stuck ’em all in my locker, and I kept on sayin’, like,
「要清掉，清掉」
“Just empty it. Empty it.”
结果我被经理逮到置物柜裡有18瓶小便
And manager caught me with, like, 18 bottles of piss in there.
我试着告诉他那是果汁
I tried to say it was apple juice.
但他说：「不，是小便，我闻得出来」
But he was like, “Nah, that’s piss. I can smell it.”
「对，是小便」
“Uh, yeah, it’s piss.”
真不敢相信他这样就把你炒了
I can’t believe they fired you for that.
就是嘛，他们…超种族主义的
I know. They’re, like– They’re super political there.
他们…没错
– Mmm. -They’re– Yeah.
抱歉，很抱歉
Sorry, sorry.
有件事我真的搞不懂
I’m struggling with something here.
妳给唐戴绿帽就为了他？
You cheated on Dom with him?
-妳什麽意思？ -雅丝…
-Excuse you? -Yas–
不，我必须弄清楚，因为我想不通
No, I need to figure this out because it’s baffling.
妳把这位幽默、聪明、有成就的会计甩了
You dumped this funny, clever, successful accountant
就为了这个无业游民？
for this jobless human bin-fire?
这有点伤人耶
Oh, that hurts a little bit.
我懂，他的手臂很结实 但妳跟他能聊什麽？
I mean, I get it, the arms are nice, but what do you even talk about?
你想坐视不管，让她教训我吗？
Are you gonna sit there and let her say that shit to me?
但她说我的手臂很结实
Well, she said my arms are nice.
现在看来这不是个好主意
In hindsight, this was a terrible idea.
我只想让大家和睦相处
I was trying to give everyone some harmony
都活出真实的自己，但随便啦
and allow everyone to live in their truths, but whatever.
但妳的确活出了真实的自己
But you are living your truth.
妳睡了他从小学就认识的好朋友
You cheated on him with his best mate from primary school.
是邓洛伊的圣约翰国小 七叶树，七叶树，啦…啦
St John’s, Dunloe. Buckeye! Buckeye-kye! La-la-la-la la…
妳骗了他，让他误以为他找到了
You tricked him into believing he’d found a person
一个真正想要瞭解他的人
that wanted to get to know him, like, properly,
妳没领悟到那是多大的福分
and instead of realising what a gift that was,
他向妳展现了最真实的灵魂，妳害怕了
someone baring their actual soul to you, you got scared.
妳就从新开始
And so you clicked reset
选了跟妳最靠近 最不複杂的艾瑞克继续过日子
and moved on with the closest and least complicated option.
这就是真实的妳
That is your truth.
顺便告诉妳，大概一週前 妳男人在交友软体上滑到我了
And, by the way, your man swiped me on Tinder, like, a week ago.
-什麽？ -没有，我没有
-What? -Mmm. No, I didn’t.
-我没滑到妳 -给我你的手♥机♥
-I didn’t swipe you. – Give me your phone.
-或是任何人 -马上
-Or anybody. -Now.
-我没滑她 -艾瑞克
-I didn’t swipe her. – Eric.
-手♥机♥ -在待机模式中
-Phone. – It’s on rest mode.
-在睡眠模式中，关机了 -马上给我
-It’s on sleepy mode. It’s off. – Now.
飞航模式？
Airplane mode?
真不敢相信妳竟然那麽做
I can’t believe you just did that!
我们合编卡拉OK故事时 妳有看到吉雅的表情吗？
Did you see Gia’s face when we were tag-teaming the karaoke story?
她真的很受不了
She was shook!
好痛快啊
I feel good.
妳是怎麽想到的？
Man, where did that come from,
那些她活出了真实自己的话？
all that stuff about it getting too real for her?
不知道，是你说的那些事给我的灵感吧
Uh, don’t know. I guess just everything you told me.
妳说得太精确了
Well, you nailed it.
那就是我一直想要说的