默默无闻（2020）

只能更好
Only it would be way better.
载了多少
How many did you get in?
呃
Mmm…
我只想 我只想要个孩子来爱
I mean, I just… I just want a child to love, you know?
给他我的爱
To give my love to.
他小时候是什么样子的
What was he like as a baby?
他让我们 折腾整晚
Er… he kept us, er… Well, me really, up all night.
他的母亲无法给他喂奶 长牙也很困难
His mother couldn’t give him milk and teething was difficult.
你在他这个年纪的时候是什么样子的
And what were you like when you were his age?
不知道
I don’t know.
只知道四岁前是我爸抚养
Er… they told me my dad brought me up for my first four years.
他是卡车司机
He was a lorry driver.
床就放在座位后
Kept the cot in the back of the cab.
然后就去寄养家庭
And then after that, it was foster homes.
可以问你问题吗
Can I ask you something?
你最爱跟爸爸做什么
What do you like to do with your dad?
嗯
Mmm…
这几天很少运动 对吧
Well, we don’t do so much physical stuff these days, do we?
读书和看电视 去公园
So we, we read and watch TV, go to the park.
有时一起洗窗子 对吧 麦可
And sometimes we wash windows, don’t we, Michael?
你喜欢洗窗子啊 喜欢被弄湿吗
Do you love washing windows? Do you love getting wet?
不喜欢
No.
你什么时候会死
When are you gonna die?
呃
Er…
天啊
Jesus.
这个嘛 不知道耶 麦可
Well, I don’t know, Michael.
应该没人知道吧
I don’t think anyone knows.
希望别太久
I hope it’s not for ages.
我曾经好忌妒
You know, I used to be so jealous.
我很羡慕所有年事高
I was so envious of all those who lived on,
还活着的人
all those old people,
我先生快死时 还很年轻
and my husband was going to die and he was still young.
躺在他身边彻夜难眠 我好气
I’d lie awake at night next to him and… I just got so angry.
但他也不想
But he wasn’t like that at all.
他说他更珍惜我们在一起的每一分钟
He said he enjoyed even more every minute we spent together,
周遭的一切变得更珍贵 更奇妙
that everything around him seemed to be more special, wonderful.
太阳更亮
The sun was brighter…
花的颜色更丰富
The colours of the flowers were richer.
甚至连草都更绿
Even the grass was greener.
我不确定我知道他在说什么
I’m not sure I know what he was on about.
或许他只是想让我感觉好点
Maybe he said it just to make me feel better.
我眼前看到的尽是死亡 到处是
All I see is death, always there. Everywhere.
就像想要什么东西的家伙晃来晃去
Like some bloke hanging around who wants something.
我从小就不甘示弱
Never show weakness is how I grew up.
只要在哪个地方示弱 你就惨了
You showed weakness in one of those places, you were screwed.
我这一生就是酱
That’s how I lived my whole life.
但有时
But sometimes…
当我送他上学
When I drop him off at school,
总有一些妈妈带着小孩
there’s all those mums there with their kids…
我总会热泪盈眶
The tears well up.
不知所措
And there’s nothing I can do,
只能赶快掉头离开 别让人看到
just turn around, walk away and hope that nobody sees,
感觉 好无助
nobody, nobody comes over and tries to help.
那不是示弱 孩子 那是爱
That’s not weakness, angel, that’s love.
我怎么能这样对他
Yeah, but how can I do this to him?
我给他一个家 如今却要夺走它
I’ve given him a family and now I’m taking it away.
你正在做的事很勇敢
You are doing something very brave.
你应该骄傲得要死［而瞑目］
You should be dead proud of what you’re doing for him.
抱歉 我是说
I’m sorry, I mean…
有趣的是明明里面腐烂 却不知道
It’s funny how you can rot inside and not even know it.
是啊
I know.
你还思念他吗
Do you still miss him?
对 不对
Yes. No.
我每天跟他说话
I talk to him every day.
我们一起度过很棒的五十年
We had fifty wonderful years together.
最大的遗憾是膝下无子
Our only sadness was that we never had children.
要不是我太老了 真希望能帮你养
I wish I wasn’t so old I could do this for you.
去年圣诞节我才把他的牙刷都扔掉
I finally threw out his toothbrush last Christmas.
来
Come here.
我们不一定要领养
We don’t have to adopt.
我确定我先生和我有能力
I’m, I’m sure my husband and I are perfectly capable…
生出可爱的北鼻
of bringing a lovely baby into the world,
但这不是我们的选项
but it’s just not our choice.
满怀希望
The idea of waddling around happily expectant…
从医院带回来一个新生儿
and then bringing a little tiny newborn home from the hospital…
关上门 住在小小的窝
and closing the door and… living in a little cocoon,
远离世界
all away from the world…
那对我来说不切实际
It’s just not really me.
对我们来说也不切实际 对吧 崔佛
It’s just not us, is it, Trevor?
对
No.
我俩都
We, We both feel that…
我们喜欢正视生活
We like to confront life.
我们喜欢正面面对事物
We like to face things head on.
对我们来说 这将是 一个新的旅程
And for us this would be… A new journey.
一个全新的冒险
A whole new adventure.
反正我们心中还有空间
And we have room in our hearts…
当然还有更多的房♥间 那为何不呢
and we certainly have plenty of room in our home, so why would we not?
如果有人找父母 我们就来当父母
And if someone needs parents, then we can be those parents.
好啊
That’s good.
我 为你们高兴
I’m, er… glad for you.
呃 喜欢吗 麦可
Er… do you like him, Michael?
他叫吉米
His name’s Jimmy.
跟崔佛说谢谢
Say thank you to Trevor.
谢谢
Thank you.
相片里的是他吗
He doesn’t really look like his photo, does he?
我是说你啦 他长得像他妈妈
I mean, or you. Does he look like the mother?
眼睛像妈
Aye, he has his mother’s eyes.
怎么有做妈妈的舍得小孩
I mean, how any mother can leave a child?
我是说 离开父亲我完全理解
I mean, leaving the father I can completely understand,
但离开小孩
but leaving a child?
小孩离不开妈妈
A child needs a mother.
你想要一个妈咪吗 麦可
Wouldn’t you like a mummy, Michael?
这个会拿走
This will have to go.
我们动作太快了
Wejumped the gun a bit.
洛琳
Lorraine…
我们原本想有个北鼻 但t
We were hoping for a baby, but…
但是请 请相信我 我们会好好爱他
But please, please believe me, we will love him,
我们 会用爱抚养他
we will, er… we will bring him up with love.
不只为他 也为我们
Not just for him, but, but for us.
那会很棒
That will be good.
好好度过一生 有点值得骄傲的东西
A life well spent, something to be proud of.
毕竟 还有什么比帮助孩子成长更好的呢
I mean, after all, what could be better than helping a child grow up…
准备好面对生活
Ready to face life…
就像你父母为你所做的那样
Like your parents did for you?
当离开这个世界时 知道你对一些真实的事情有贡献
And to leave this world knowing that you contributed to something real,
你在这个地球上的旅程是有目的的
that your passage on this earth had a purpose…
还有某种意义
And a meaning.
不好意思 有时我会没完没了
Sorry. You have to excuse me. Sometimes I go on.
这是我的房♥间
And, er… this, this is my room.
其实是间火车室
Well, it’s the train’s room, really.
洛琳不明白我为什么在这花那么多时间
Lorraine doesn’t understand why I spend so much time in here.
但这总有忙不完的事 有的要修改 有的要修理
But there’s always something to do, something to improve, something to fix.
得花时间仔细看
You just have to take the time to look at it,
花心思 就像带小孩
carefully, like a child would.
麦可会喜欢吗
Do you think Michael would like it?
他喜欢卡车
He likes lorries…
还有火车
And trains.
可以给他看看 对 对
– Maybe you could show it to him. – Yeah, yeah.
等他大了 会是小小的收藏
When he’s older. It’s, It’s all a little delicate.
嗨 爸
Hello, daddy.