与安德烈晚餐（1981）

他们活在一个疯狂的幻想世界中
Now, they’re living in an insane dreamworld.
他们根本没有在看 这让我感到非常奇怪
They’re not looking. That seems very strange to me.
对 因为他们不知怎么 目中无物
Right, because they just didn’t see anything, somehow…
除了 呃 那些他们想看见的小事
except, uh, the few little things that they wanted to see.
没错 你看 这就像 我母亲去世前不久的一件事
Yeah, you know, it’s like what happened just before my mother died.
我们去医院看望母亲
You know, we’d gone to the hospital to see my mother…
我进了病房♥
and I went in to see her…
她看上去非常不好 像是奥斯维辛或达豪集中营的幸存者
and I saw this woman who looked as bad as any survivor of Auschwitz or Dachau.
然后我出来在大厅里 试着安慰我父亲
And I was out in the hall sort of comforting my father…
这时 我母亲的医生 胳膊疾病方面的专家
when a doctor who was a specialist in a problem she had with her arm…
走进病房♥ 又欢喜地走出来
went into her room and came out just beaming.
他说“老弟 我们不是该感到高兴么？
And he said, “Boy, don’t we have a lot of reason to feel great?
她进展的不是很顺利吗？”
Isn’t it wonderful how she’s coming along?”
在他眼中 就只有那条胳膊 那是他唯一看到的
Now, all he saw was the arm. That’s all he saw.
这又是一个活在梦里的人
Now, here’s another person who’s existing in a dream.
除此之外 他还是某种凶手
Who, on top of that, is a kind of butcher…
他犯下某种家族谋杀罪
who’s committing a kind of familial murder…
因为当他走出病房♥时 他从心灵上杀死了我们
because when he comes out of that room, he psychically kills us…
他把我们带进一个幻想世界
by taking us into a dream world…
让我们感到迷惑和恐惧
where we become confused and frightened…
因为片刻前 我们看见一个将死之人
’cause the moment before, we saw somebody who already looked dead…
现在又来了这么个专家 告诉我们一切都好
and now here comes a specialist who tells us they’re in wonderful shape.
我是说 这些简直把我父亲逼疯了
I mean, they were literally driving my father crazy.
他是位82岁的老人家了 又非常容易激动
I mean, you know, here’s an 82-year-old man who’s very emotional…
你知道 如果你刚走进去 看到这个人活不久了
and you know, and if you go in one moment, and you see the person’s dying…
你又不想失去他们 然后一个医生 五分钟以后出来
and you don’t want them to die, and then a doctor comes out five minutes later…
告诉你病人看起来很好-
and tells you they’re in wonderful shape —
你明白吗 你真的会疯掉的
I mean, you know, you can go crazy.
是的 我明白你所说的 – 医生根本没看见我母亲
Yeah. I know what you mean. – I mean, the doctor didn’t see my mother.
公共剧院的人根本没看见我
The people at the Public Theater didn’t see me.
我们只不过在迷雾中游荡
I mean, we’re just walking around in some kind of fog.
我认为我们全都活在恍惚中 我们像僵尸一样四处走动
I think we’re all in a trance. We’re walking around like zombies.
我不-我甚至不认为我们能意识到自我 或我们对事物的反应
I don’t — I don’t think we’re even aware of ourselves or our own reaction to things.
我们-我们只是终日碌碌 如同没有知觉的机器
We –We’re just going around all day like unconscious machines…
与此同时 还有种种狂躁 忧虑 和不安
and meanwhile there’s all of this rage and worry and uneasiness…
不停地在我们体内 积聚啊积聚啊
just building up and building up inside us.
一点没错 它一直积聚着
That’s right. It just builds up, uh…
然后莫名其妙地蹦出来
and then it just leaps out inappropriately.
我记得 有次我演一出戏
I mean, I remember when I was, uh, acting in this play…
它改编自布尔加科夫的《大♥师♥与玛格丽特》
based on The Master and Margarita by Bulgakov.
我扮演猫
And I was playing the part of the cat.
他们在制♥作♥猫服时遇上一些困难
But they had trouble, uh, making up my cat suit…
所以直到首映当晚我才拿到它
so I didn’t get it delivered to me till the night of the first performance.
尤其是头部-我是说 我从没试穿过
Particularly the head — I mean, I’d never even had a chance to try it on.
4个我的演员同事 来到我跟前
And about four of my fellow actors actually came up to me…
他们说的那些话 让我忍♥不住要怀疑
and they said these things which I just couldn’t help thinking…
是故意要整垮我
were attempts to destroy me.
有一个说 “哦 那个头嘛
You know, one of them said, uh, “Oh, well, now that head…
会彻底影响你在演出时的听力”
“will totally change your hearing in the performance.
“你可能会听啥都不一样了”
“You may hear everything completely differently…
“可能会很恼火哦”
“and it may be very upsetting.
“我曾经在演戏时戴过护耳
“Now, I was once in a performance where I was wearing earmuffs…
结果一个字都听不见”
and I couldn’t hear anything anybody said.”
另一个人说“哦 我在台上的时候 就算带顶帽子
And then another one said, “Oh, you know, whenever I wear even a hat on stage…
都想要晕倒”
I tend to faint.”
这些谈论 简直就充满敌意
I mean, those remarks were just full of hostility…
因为 你看 如果我照这些人说的 我走上台去
because, I mean, if I’d listened to those people, I would have gone out there on stage…
我会什么也听不见 我会想晕倒
and I wouldn’t have been able to hear anything, and I would have fainted.
但这些敌意 根本就不合时宜
But the hostility was completely inappropriate…
因为 实际上他们都喜欢我
because, in fact, those people liked me.
我是说 这些敌意只是某种
I mean, that hostility was just some feeling that was, you know…
以往某些体验中残留下的情绪
left over from some previous experience.
因为 不知怎么 在我们今天的社会生存里
Because somehow in our social existence today…
表达我们情感的方式
we’re only allowed to express our feelings, uh…
只能是古怪的和扭曲的
weirdly and indirectly.
如果你直接地表达出来 没有人能受得了
If you express them directly, everybody goes crazy.
那么 你有没有表达你的感受？ 关于他们的说三道四？
Well, did you express your feelings about what those people said to you?
没有[咯咯笑] 你看 我甚至不清楚我是什么感觉 直到事后再去想它
No. [Chuckles] I mean, I didn’t even know what I felt till I thought about it later.
充其量 在那种情况下
And I mean, at the most, you know, in a situation like that, uh…
即便我清楚自己的感受
even if I had known what I felt…
如果我确实很不爽的话 我会说一些
I might say something, if I’m really annoyed…
比如“哦 是啊 那真是再好不过
like, uh, “Oh, yeah. Well, that’s just fascinating…
还有 呃 我今晚可能要晕倒了 跟你似的”
and, uh, I probably will faint tonight, just as you did.”
我处理的方式和你一模一样
I do just the same thing myself.
我们不能坦率 所以最后变成 说出最古怪的话来
We can’t be direct, so we end up saying the weirdest things.
我记得有天晚上 那是我母亲去世后的两周
I mean, I remember a night. It was a couple of weeks after my mother died.
我的情绪还非常糟糕
And I was in pretty bad shape.
有3个比较亲密的朋友 和我一起吃晚饭
And I had dinner with three relatively close friends…
其中两个和我母亲挺熟
two of whom had known my mother quite well…
三个人认识我都很久了
and all three of whom had known me for years.
你知道吗 我们一起度过一整个晚上 我却没有任何机会
You know that we went through that entire evening without my being able to…
哪怕一小会儿 谈到关于-
for a moment, get anywhere near what —
倒不是我想坐到那 过这么个沉闷的夜晚
Not that I wanted to sit and have this dreary evening…
我好谈论所有这些痛苦啦 我所承受的种种啦
in which I was talking about all this pain that I was going through and everything.
真的没有 一点也没有
Really, not at all.
但事实是没一个人能说句
But the fact that nobody could say…
“天啊 真为你母亲感到遗憾” 或是“你感觉好点了吗？”
“Gee, what a shame about your mother” or “How are you feeling?”
就好像什么也没发生一样 他们全都在说说笑笑
It was just as if nothing had happened. They were all making these jokes and laughing.
实际上 我感到相当抓狂
I got quite crazy, as a matter of fact.
有个人 提到了某个我不怎么喜欢的家伙
One of these people mentioned a certain man whom I don’t like very much…
我就开始嘲笑他是怎么 刚被人在布朗克斯河上找到
and I started screeching about how he had just been found in the Bronx River…
他的老二因为淋病掉下来了 以及各种荒唐的事情
and his penis had dropped off from gonorrhea, and all kinds of insane things.
当我回家以后 我才意识到 自己是多么迫切地想打破僵局
And later, when I got home, I realized I’d just been desperate to break through this ice.
没错
Yeah.
你知道吗 沃利 如果你 把相同的情境放在一个藏族家庭中-
I mean, do you realize, Wally, if you brought that situation into a Tibetan home —
那可就太有意思了 他们根本无法理解的
That’d be just so far out. I mean, they wouldn’t be able to understand it.
因为这原本就- 就是如此古怪 沃利
That would be simply– simply so weird, Wally.
如果四个藏族人齐聚一堂 其中的一位刚经历了不幸
If four Tibetans came together, and tragedy had just struck one of the ones…
而他们整个晚上都在- [大声地笑]
and they spent the whole evening going — [Loud Laughing]
你看 藏族人会把它视作-
I mean, you know, Tibetans would have looked at that…
会认为这是最不可思议的举止
And would have thought that was the most unimaginable behavior.
但对我们来说 这却是司空见惯的 – 嗯哼
But for us, that’s common behavior. – Mm-hmm.
说真的 非洲人 可能会把我们四个人串在矛上
I mean, really, the — the Africans would have probably put their spears into all four of us…
因为这让他们抓狂
’cause it would have driven them crazy.
他们会把我们看做 某种危险动物之类的
They would have thought we were dangerous animals or something like that.
没错 – 我的意思是 这绝对是种病态的行为
Right. – I mean, that’s absolutely abnormal behavior.
两位先生 一切是否妥当？
Is everything all right, gentlemen?
很好 – 好着呢
Great. – Yeah.
但这些对我们来说 却是典型的晚会
But those are typical evenings for us.
我们所去的晚宴和派对 一向如此
I mean, we go to dinners and parties like that all the time.
这些晚会真像某种病态的梦
These evenings are really like sort of sickly dreams…
因为人们都在做符号♥的对白
because people are talking in symbols.
他们就好像 从这片符号♥和无知之觉 的迷雾中漂过
Everyone is sort of floating through this fog of symbols and unconscious feelings.
没人说真心话
No one says what they’re really thinking about.
然后他们开始讲些笑话 和某种秘密代码似的
Then people will start making these jokes that are really some sort of secret code.
没错 在这些晚会里 通常是这样的
Right. Well, what often happens in some of these evenings…
当一些疯狂的小小幻想 开始被把玩
is that these really crazy little fantasies will just start being played with, you know…
人人都立刻聊开了 说一些比如
and everyone will be talking at once and sort of saying…
“嘿 要是法兰克·辛纳屈和尼克松太太如此这般
“Hey, wouldn’t it be great if Frank Sinatra and Mrs. Nixon and blah-blah-blah…
在这样的那样的情况下 不是很棒么？”
were in such and such a situation?”
总是和名人有关 还总是很离奇
You know, always with famous people, and always sort of grotesque.
或者人们会说一些 可怕的事情
Or people will be talking about some horrible thing…
比如-比如 和泰德·肯尼迪同车那个姑娘的死
like — like, uh, the death of that girl in the car with Ted Kennedy…
他们就那样爆发出一阵大笑
and they’ll just be roaring with laughter.
我是说 这太不可思议了 简直难以置信
I mean, it’s really amazing. It’s just unbelievable.
任何感情被表达的唯一途径 就是这些愚蠢透顶的笑话
That’s the only way anything is expressed, through these completely insane jokes.
我是说 我认为这就是为什么 我从来不理解派对上发生的事情
I mean, I think that’s why I never understand what’s going on at a party.
我总是感到彻底的困惑
I’m always completely confused.
呃 黛比有一回 在去过了一个这样的纽约晚会后
You know, uh, Debby once said, after one of these New York evenings…
她说她觉得自己
she thought she’d traveled a greater distance…