与安德烈晚餐（1981）

我被赐予了一个新的名字 他们称我为杨德鲁斯
And I was given a new name. They called me Yendrush.
有一些人是完全严肃地看待它的
And some of the people took it completely seriously…
还有一些人只是觉得好玩
and some of them found it funny.
而我 我真的觉得自己有了一个新的名字
But, uh, I really felt that I had a new name.
然后我们举♥行♥了盛大的宴会 有从野外摘的蓝莓
And then we had an enormous feast, with blueberries picked from the field…
有巧克力 还是某个人从大老远买♥♥来的
and chocolate someone had gone a great distance to buy…
还有悬钩子汤和炖兔肉
and raspberry soup and rabbit stew.
我们唱起波兰歌♥ 希腊歌♥
And we sang Polish songs and Greek songs…
我们每个人都跳舞跳到清晨
and everybody danced for the rest of the night.
嗯 – 对了 我有张照片
Hmm. – Oh, I have a picture.
看 这张是… 让我找找
See, this was — Let’s see.
哦 这儿呢 喏 这是我在森林里的时候
Oh, yeah. This was me in the forest. See?
天啊！ – 一点也不错
God! – That’s what I felt like.
[咯咯笑]
[Chuckling]
我当时就是这个样子 – 天啊
That’s the state I was in. – God.
对了 我记得乔治 呃 告诉我他那时候见过你
Yeah. I remember George, uh, told me he’d seen you around that time.
他说你看上去就像从战场下来
He said you looked like you’d come back from a war.
对 我记得我见过他 他 呃 他问了我很多友好的问题
Yeah, I remember meeting him. He, uh — He asked me a lot of friendly questions.
我也给你打过电♥话♥呀 那个夏天 有没有？
I think I called you up, too, that summer, didn’t I?
哈
Huh.
可能当时我不在城里
I think I was out of town.
嗯 说起来 大多数见过我的人都觉得我哪儿不对劲
Yeah, well, most people I met thought there was something wrong with me.
他们嘴上没说 但我能感觉出来
They didn’t say that, but I could tell that that was what they thought.
可是…
But…
你看 我觉得我所经历的
you see, what I think I experienced… was…
是我生命中第一次
for the first time in my life…
懂得什么才算真正活着
to know what it means to be truly alive.
听着 这是非常恐怖的
Now, that’s very frightening…
因为它伴随着一种 死亡意识的觉醒
because with that comes an immediate awareness of death…
因为它们如影随形
’cause they go hand in hand.
就是这种力量驱使沃特·惠特曼写出《草叶集》
You know, the kind of impulse that led to Walt Whitman, that led to Leaves of Grass.
那种与万事万物相通的感觉
That feeling of being connected to everything…
同时意味着与死亡相通
means to also be connected to death.
它是非常可怕的
And that’s pretty scary.
但我真的觉得自己仿佛悬于空中 脚不沾地 而非行走
But I really felt as if I were floating above the ground, not walking.
你知道吗 我甚至会去公路上
You know, and I could do things like go out to the highway…
看着信♥号♥♥灯从红色变成绿色 然后想 “美极了”
and watch the lights go from red to green and think, “How wonderful.”
[沃利咯咯笑] – 后来 在一个早秋
[Wally Chuckles] – And then one day, in the early fall…
我去了乡间 走在田野里
I was out in the country, walking in a field…
我忽然听见一个声音说 “小王子”
and I suddenly heard a voice say, “Little Prince.”
当然 《小王子》 是一本我一直认为
Of course, The Little Prince was a book that I always thought of…
令人生厌 幼稚 甜的发腻的书
as disgusting, childish treacle.
可是我又想 “如果一个声音在田野里降临我” –
But still, I thought, “Well, you know, if a voice comes to me in a field” —
这可是我的第一次接触
This was the first voice I had ever heard.
或许我该回去读读它
Maybe I should go and read the book.
巧的是 在同一天早上 我收到一封信
Now, that same morning I’d got a letter…
是波兰小组里的一位年轻女人写来的
from a young woman who’d been in my group in Poland.
在信里 她写到“你支配了我”
And in her letter she’d written, “You have dominated me.”
你要知道 她的英语非常糟糕
You know, she spoke very awkward English.
后来她又查了词典 把“支配”划掉了
So she’d gone to the dictionary, and she’d crossed out the word “dominated”…
她又写到 “不 我想说的是‘驯服’”
and she’d said, “No. The correct word is ‘tamed.”‘
当我回到城里 买♥♥了《小王子》开始读它
And then when I went to town and bought the book and started to read it…
我发现“驯服”正是整本书里最核心的词
I saw that “taming” was the most important word in the whole book.
放下书时 我热泪盈眶 这个故事是如此打动我
By the end of the book, I was in tears, I was so moved by the story.
之后我试着去给她写封回信
And then I went and tried to write an answer to her letter…
因为她写给我的信很长
‘Cause she’d written me a very long letter.
可我就是想不出合适的话 所以最后我把自己的手
But I just couldn’t find the right words, so finally I took my hand…
放到一页纸上 用笔把它勾勒出来
I put it on a piece of paper, I outlined it with a pen…
然后我在中间写下一些话 比如“汝心在我掌中”
and I wrote in the center something like, “Your heart is in my hand.”
类似的话
Something like that.
完了以后 我又到我的兄弟家游泳时
Then I went over to my brother’s house to swim…
因为他住在靠郊区 所以有个游泳池
’cause he lives nearby in the country and he has a pool.
当时他不在家 我去了他的藏书室
And he wasn’t home. I went into his library…
他曾在一个拍卖♥♥会上买♥♥下了 全套收藏的《弥诺陶》
and he had bought at an auction the collected issues of Minotaure.
你知道吗？ 超现实主义者期刊？ 哦 它是二三十年代发行的 一份非常非常棒的 超现实主义杂♥志♥
You know, the surrealist magazine? Oh, it’s a great, great surrealist magazine of the ’20s and ’30s.
而我从未-你知道 我认为自己算是个超现实主义者
And I never–You know, I consider myself a bit of a surrealist.
我却从未见过 任何一份《弥诺陶》
I had never, ever seen a copy of Minotaure.
它们都在这儿 按年份顺序摞在一起
And here they all were, bound, year after year.
所以我随手挑了一本出来 我翻开它
So, at random, I picked one out, I opened it up…
那里有一整页字母“A”的复写
and there was a full-page reproduction of the letter “A”…
来自坦尼尔画的《爱丽丝漫游仙境》
from Tenniel’s Alice In Wonderland.
我当时思忖- 瞧 这是充满了巧合的一天
And I thought, that –Well, you know, it’s been a day of coincidences…
但是作为超现实主义者 对《爱丽丝》感兴趣也是很正常的
but that’s not unusual that the surrealists would have been interested in Alice…
我自己就做过一部关于《爱丽丝》的戏剧
And I did a play of Alice.
于是我随手翻到了另一页
So at random, I opened to another page…
那里有四个掌印
and there were four handprints.
一个是安德烈·布列东（超现实主义诗人） 另一个是安德烈·德兰（先锋画家）
One was Andre Breton, another was Andre Derain…
第三个是安德烈- 我把它记在哪儿了
the third was Andre — I’ve got it written down somewhere.
不是马尔罗（艺术评论家） 好像是一个- 反正是另一个超现实主义者
It’s not Malraux. It’s, like, someone — Another of the surrealists.
都是A开头的 第四个就是 安托万·圣埃克苏佩里（飞行家/作家）
All A’s, and the fourth was Antoine de Saint-Exupery…
正是《小王子》的作者
who wrote The Little Prince.
他们是在把掌印给某种专家看
And they’d shown these handprints to some kind of expert…
而不说明这些都是谁的
without saying whose hands they belonged to.
在埃克苏佩里的掌印下 写着他是个艺术家
And under Exupery’s, it said that he was an artist…
并且有着锐利的眼睛
with very powerful eyes…
是个野兽的驯养者
who was a tamer of wild animals.
我当时想 “这太不可思议了”
I thought, “This is incredible, you know.”
我翻到后面去找发行年份
And I looked back to see when the issue came out.
它是在1934年5月12号♥上架的
It came out on the newsstands May 12, 1934…
而我正是在1934年5月11号♥出生的
and I was born during the day of May 11, 1934.
看 这就是一切的开始 关于我 圣埃克苏佩里和《小王子》
So, well, that’s what started me on, uh, Saint-Exupery and The Little Prince.
现在 当然如今-
Now, of course today–
如今我能感到一种非常法♥西♥斯♥主义的东西 隐藏在《小王子》下面
today I think there’s a very fascistic thing under The Little Prince.
你知道 我- 实际上 我觉得有种-
You know, I — Well, no, I think there’s a kind of–
[笑声]我觉得书里某些地方 有种党卫军式的集权主义情绪
[Laughing] I think a kind of S.S. Totalitarian sentimentality in there somewhere.
你明白的 有一种- 关于-
You know, there’s something, you know — that —
关于热爱 呃-
that love of, um —
这么说吧 一种对于汗湿肌肉的阳刚之爱（参考《搏击俱乐部》）
Well, that masculine love of a certain kind of oily muscle.
你明白没有？ 我是说 我不能确切指出是哪里
You know what I mean? I mean, I can’t quite put my finger on it.
但我完全能想象 某个英俊的党卫军成员
But I can just imagine some beautiful S.S. Man…
热爱着《小王子》这本书 – [沃利的笑声]
loving The Little Prince. – [Wally Laughs]
现在 我也不知道为什么 它在我看来不对劲了 它令人厌恶
Now, I don’t know why, but there’s something wrong with it. It stinks.
[尖声的笑]
[High-pitched Laughing]
乔治好像告诉过我 你当时打算排一部 根据《小王子》改编的戏？
Well, didn’t George tell me that you were gonna do a play that was based on The Little Prince?
嗯 实际上是这么回事 沃利
Hmm. Well, what happened, Wally…
那个秋天我在纽约
was that fall I was in New York…
结识了一位年轻的日本佛僧 他叫宏山
and I met this young Japanese Buddhist priest named Kozan…
我觉得他就像是 从《仲夏夜之梦》里走出来的小精灵帕克
and I thought he was Puck from the Midsummer Night’s Dream.
他有着如此美丽 淡淡的微笑
You know, he had this beautiful, delicate smile.
我当时感觉他 就是小王子
I thought he was the Little Prince.
很自然地 我决定出发去撒哈拉沙漠
So, naturally, I decided to go off to the Sahara desert…
去制♥作♥ 《小王子》这部戏 带着两个演员和那个日本僧人
to work on The Little Prince with two actors and this Japanese monk.
你当真去了？
You did?
我想说 沃利 我那时还处在一种非常另类的状态
Well, I mean, I was still in a very peculiar state at that time, Wally.
你知道吗 我那时会看着车里的后视镜
You know, I would — I would look in the rearview mirror of my car…
欣赏自己自言自语
and see little birds flying out of my mouth.
我还记得我那个时期 持续地感到疲倦
And I remember always being exhausted in that period.
我总感到虚弱 你看 我真的不知道自己怎么了
I always felt weak. You know, I really didn’t know what was going on with me.
我会一个人连日独坐在乡间
I would just sit out there all alone in the country for days…
除了写日记 什么也不干
and do nothing but write in my diary.
还有 我总是想到死亡 – 呃
And I was always thinking about death. – Huh.
但你还是去了撒哈拉
But you went to the Sahara.
哦 是的 我们踏进了撒哈拉沙漠
Oh, yes, we went off into the desert…
我们穿行在荒漠里 骑着骆驼
And we rode through the desert on camels.
我们骑啊骑啊
And we rode and we rode.
到了晚上 我们会步入 无垠的天穹下
And then at night we would walk out under that enormous sky…
遥望群星
and look at the stars.
我则不断地想着同一些事情 我在家时老想的那些-
I just kept thinking about the same things that I was always thinking about at home —
尤其是关于乔姬塔
particularly about Chiquita.
实际上 我只想到了我的婚姻
In fact, I thought about just about nothing but my marriage.