与安德烈晚餐（1981）

你明白 你必须放开自己 投入进去 你必须和他们有来有往
I mean, you know, you have to reach out, you have to go back and forth with them…
你必须得产生关联 可你是在和某种幽灵产生关联
and you have to relate, and yet you’re relating to a ghost or something.
怎么说呢 因为我们就是幽灵
I don’t know, because we’re ghosts.
我们是幻象 我们是谁？
We’re phantoms. Who are we?
那也就是去承认 去面对一个事实 你是完全孤独的
And that’s to face, to confront the fact that you’re completely alone.
而接受你的孤独 也就是接受死亡
And to accept that you’re alone is to accept death.
你是说 当你孤独时 你其实是在伴随着死亡
You mean, because somehow when you are alone, you’re alone with death.
就是说 再没什么能挡在你和它之间 之类的意思
I mean, nothing’s obstructing your view of it, or something like that.
没错
Right.
如果我理解正确的话 我想 呃 海德格尔说过
You know, if I understood it correctly, I think, uh, Heidegger said…
如果你要充分经历自己的存在
that, uh, if you were to experience your own being to the full…
你就会经历存在向死的衰败
you’d be experiencing the decay of that being toward death…
作为你经验的一部分
as a part of your experience.
你知道 在性♥爱♥中有那么一刻 是彻底忘我的
You know, in the sexual act there’s that moment of complete forgetting…
这很神奇
which is so incredible.
而下一刻 你就开始想事情：
Then in the next moment, you start to think about things:
戏剧工作 明天该干什么
Work on the play, what you’ve got to do tomorrow.
我不知道你是不是这样 我觉得这应该很普遍
I don’t know if this is true of you, but I think it must be quite common.
世界很快就闯入了
The world comes in quite fast.
同样的 这可能是因为 我们害怕位于忘我的状态
Now, that again may be because we’re afraid to stay in that place of forgetting…
因为那同样接近死亡
because that, again, is close to death.
就像那些害怕睡觉的人
Like people who are afraid to go to sleep.
也就是说 你产生相互关联 而你不清楚下一刻什么会到来
In other words, you interrelate, and you don’t know what the next moment will bring.
不清楚下一刻有什么
And to not know what the next moment will bring…
会让你进一步感知到死亡
brings you closer to a perception of death.
这也是我认为 为什么人们要搞男女关系
You see, that’s why I think that people have affairs.
你看 在戏剧这行 当你得到好评
I mean, you know, in the theater, if you get good reviews…
有那么一刻 你会觉得自己拥有点什么
you feel for a moment that you’ve got your hands on something.
你明白吗？ 那是种很好的感觉
You know what I mean? I mean, it’s a good feeling.
可之后它很快地消逝了
But then that feeling goes quite quickly.
再一次 你不知道接下来该做什么
And once again you don’t know quite what you should do next.
会发生什么呢？
What’ll happen?
好 搞男女关系 到了某一点上
Well, have an affair, and up to a certain point…
你可以实在感到 自己正脚踏实地
you can really feel that you’re on firm ground, you know.
接下来有性事要去征服 有各种各样的问题
There’s a sexual conquest to be made. There are different questions.
她喜欢咬耳朵吗？
Does she enjoy the ears being nibbled?
在一家雅致的法国餐厅谈论叔本华要不要太激烈呢？
How intensely can you talk about Schopenhauer at some elegant French restaurant?
所有这些乱七八糟的
Whatever nonsense it is.
这些都会给你一种安全感的假象
It’s all, I think, to give you the semblance that there’s firm earth.
然而 谈一场认真的恋爱 和另一个人持续几年的恋情-
Well, have a real relationship with a person that goes on for years —
那是完全不可预测的
That’s completely unpredictable.
那样你就砍断了所有拴船的绳索 你驶入了未知的大海
Then you’ve cut off all your ties to the land, and you’re sailing into the unknown…
蛮荒的海域
into uncharted seas.
你看 人们紧紧攀住这些形象 父亲 母亲 丈夫 妻子
I mean, you know, people hold on to these images of father, mother, husband, wife…
为了同一个原因-
again for the same reason —
因为这些似乎能给提供某种安全感
’cause they seem to provide some firm ground.
可那儿根本没有什么妻子
But there’s no wife there.
它意味着什么？一个妻子
What does that mean? A wife.
一个丈夫 一个儿子
A husband. A son.
一个婴儿抓住你的手
A baby holds your hands…
倏忽间 一个大汉将你从地上举起
and then suddenly there’s this huge man lifting you off the ground…
而后他便不在了
and then he’s gone.
那个儿子在哪？
Where’s that son?
[沃利的独白]所有别的顾客 好像几个小时前就走了
[Wally Narrating] All the other customers seemed to have left hours ago.
我们拿到账单 安德烈掏的钱
We got the bill, and Andre paid for our dinner.
真的吗？
Really?
[模糊的交谈]
[Conversing, Indistinct]
[沃利的独白] 我为自己叫了辆出租车
[Wally Narrating] I treated myself to a taxi.
回家路上 我穿过城市的街道
I rode home through the city streets.
没有哪条街 哪栋建筑
There wasn’t a street, there wasn’t a building…
不会勾起 我脑中的回忆
That wasn’t connected to some memory in my mind.
那儿 我买♥♥了一套衣服 和我的父亲
There, I was buying a suit with my father.
那儿 我在放学后 喝了一杯冰激凌苏打
There, I was having an ice cream soda after school.
当我终于到家时 黛比已经下班回来了
When I finally came in, Debby was home from work…
然后我告诉了她所有的事 关于我和安德烈的晚餐
And I told her everything about my dinner with Andre.