而人们又笨又无聊
而你觉得…
and you feel that you’ve had
已经受够了
quite enough.
但别忘了，你身处在
Just remember that you’re standing
一个正在进化的星球之上
On a planet that’s evolving
每小时运转九百英哩
And revolving at 900 miles an hour
因此每秒以十九英哩的速度在进行
It’s orbiting at 19 miles a second so it’s reckoned
太阳是所有动力的来源
A sun that is the source of all our power
而太阳和所有你我看得见的行星
The sun and you and me and all the stars that we can see
每天都要移♥动♥一百万英哩
Are moving at a million miles a day
在银河系外旋臂上
In an outer spiral arm at 40,000 miles an hour
则是每小时四万英哩
Of the galaxy we call the Milky Way
我们的银河系包含了百兆亿的星球
Our galaxy itself contains a hundred billion stars
它们之间的距离是十万光年
It’s a hundred thousand light years side to side
It bulges in the middle 16,000 light years thick
在中间的膨胀处还要再加上一万六千光年
但是距离我们只要加上三千光年
But out by us, it’s just 3,000 light years wide
所以我们离银河系的中♥央♥点是三万光年
We’re 30,000 light years from galactic central point
每一年我们移♥动♥两亿英哩
We go round every 200 million years
而我们的银河系只不过是其中的两百亿之一
And our galaxy is only one of millions of billions
在这个奇妙且浩瀚的宇宙
In this amazing and expanding universe
而宇宙本身仍继续不断
The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding
向不同方向扩张开来
In all of the directions it can whizz
而且是以光速在进行
As fast as it can go The speed of light, you know
每分钟一千两百万英哩即最快的速度
Twelve million miles a minute and that’s the fastest speed there is
所以当你感到渺小和无助时
So remember when you’re feeling very small and insecure
记住你的诞生实在没有价值
How amazingly unlikely is your birth
并且祷告在太空的某处有高智慧的生物存在
And pray that there’s intelligent life somewhere up in space
因为地球上只有笨蛋
‘Cause there’s bugger all down here on Earth
让你觉得很卑微，是不是？
Makes you feel so, sort of insignificant, doesn’t it?
是的，是的
Yeah. Yeah.
那能不能把你的肝给我？
Can we have your liver, then?
好吧！你说服我了
Yeah, all right. You talked me into it.
艾克！
Eric!
捐肝公♥司♥
最大的美国公♥司♥
再次让我们思考
Which brings us, once again, to the urgent realization
还有什么是我们没有拥有的
of just how much there is still left to own.
议程第六项 生命的真谛
ltem six on the agenda, the Meaning of Life.
海瑞，你有什么看法？
Now, Harry, you’ve had some thoughts on this.
过去几个礼拜我有一组人专门研究这个问题
I’ve had a team working on this over the past few weeks,
结果可以缩小为两个基本概念
and what we’ve come up with can be reduced to two fundamental concepts.
One. People are not wearing enough hats.
第一：人们帽子戴的不够
Two. Matter is energy.
第二：能源问题
在宇宙中有许多我们察觉不到的能源
In the universe, there are many energy fields which we cannot normally perceive.
Some energies have a spiritual source, which act upon a person’s soul.
有些能源来自心灵 根据人类的灵魂所产生
However, this soul does not exist ab initio,
但是，这种灵魂
as orthodox Christianity teaches.
根据正统基♥督♥教义并不存在
It has to be brought into existence,
要经过自我观察的程序
才会渐渐成形
by a process of guided self-observation.
总之，人类为每天的琐事而分心
However, this is rarely achieved, owing to man’s unique ability
几乎无法达到这个境界
to be distracted from spiritual matters by everyday trivia.
再谈一下帽子的事？
What was that about hats again?
Oh, people aren’t wearing enough.
喔，人们仍然戴的不够
真的吗？
Is this true?
当然，帽子销♥售♥是有增加
Certainly. Hat sales have increased,
但仍然不够，根据研究…
but not pari passu, as our research…
当你说“足够” 它的目的是什么？
When you say “enough,” enough for what purpose?
我能不能问你有关第二点…
Can I just ask, with reference to your second point,
当你说到因为人类会分心 所以无法达到心灵的发展
when you say souls don’t develop because people become distracted…
Has anyone noticed that building there before?
有没有人注意到 那栋楼本来就在那里吗？
什么？ 我的天！
– What? – Good Lord!
我的天！
Good Lord!
永保公♥司♥血泪史
The Crimson Permanent Assurance!
插播！
We interrupt this film
我们对配角的不当攻击致歉
to apologize for this unwarranted attack by the supporting feature.
好在我们有所准备
Luckily, we have been prepared for this eventuality
现在马上矫正
and are now taking steps to remedy it.
谢谢
Thank you.
第六部 暮年
先生，女士们，晚安
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
这是我在加勒比海所写的
Here’s a little number I tossed off recently in the Caribbean.
有阳♥具♥真好
Isn’t it awfully nice to have a penis
有小♥弟♥弟♥真不错
Isn’t it frightfully good to have a dong
兴奋时它会挺起 能有它是神的旨意
It’s swell to have a stiffy It’s divine to own a dick
不管是小是大
From the tiniest little tadger to the world’s biggest prick
让我们为它欢呼三声
So three cheers for your Willy or John Thomas
小♥弟♥弟♥万岁
Hooray for your one-eyed trouser snake
它是你的宝贝 也是你太太最好的朋友
Your piece of pork, your wife’s best friend, your percy or your cock
你可以把它包装起来 也可以放在袜套里
You can wrap it up in ribbons You can slip it in your sock
但是千万不要在公共场所拿出来 否则法庭见面
But don’t take it out in public or they will stick you in the dock
而且永远不会回来
And you won’t come back
非常谢谢你们
Thank you very much.
这是一首富于机智的歌♥
Oh, what a frightfully witty song.
充满智慧
Terribly clever.
非常好 太棒了
– Jolly good. – Marvelous.
啊！糟糕，是克索先生
Oh, shit! It’s Mr. Creosote!
Good afternoon, sir, and how are we today?
下午好，今天如何？
最好 最好？
– Better. – Better?
最好拿个桶子来，我快吐了
Better get a bucket. I’m gonna throw up.
阿盖？拿个桶子给先生用
Gaston? A bucket for monsieur.
在这里，先生
There we are, monsieur.
阿盖，谢谢你
Merci, Gaston.
I haven’t finished.
我还没吐完
对不起！阿盖？
Oh, pardon! Gaston?
真对不起您！
A thousand pardons, monsieur.
今天下午我们有您最喜欢的煮野兔
Now, this afternoon, we have monsieur’s favorite, the jugged hare.
野兔很大 调味料也很浓
The hare is very high and the sauce is very rich,
其中有松露、醍鱼、熏肉和奶油
with truffles, anchovies, Grand Marnier, bacon and cream.
阿盖，谢谢你
Thank you, Gaston.
还没完
There’s still more.
让我来
Allow me.
A new bucket for monsieur.
再拿一个新桶子来
And the cleaning woman.
还有叫清洁工
趁她在整理，要不要来点开胃菜
Et maintenant, would monsieur care for an aperitif,
还是直接点主菜
or would he prefer to order straightaway?
今天的开胃菜有…抱歉…
Today, we have for appetizers, excuse me,
鱼冻、鹅肝酱、鲟鱼卵
moules marinieres, pate de foie gras, beluga caviar,
圣班尼迪克的蛋、韭菜饼
eggs Benedictine, tarte de poireaux, that’s leek tart,
和青蛙腿等等
frogs’ legs amandine or oeufs de caille Richard Shepherd.
更棒的是 以洋菇做底上面放鹌鹑蛋这道菜
C’est a dire, little quails’ eggs on a bed of pureed mushrooms.
非常精美且多汁
It’s very delicate, very succulent.
我全部都要
I’ll have the lot.
真是聪明的选择
A wise choice, monsieur.
你要我们怎么上菜呢？
And now, how would you like it served?
全部混起来，放在桶子里好吗？
All mixed up together in a bucket?
把蛋放在最上面
Yeah. With the eggs on top.
当然
But of course. Avec des oeufs frites.
多给点鹅肝酱
Don’t skimp on the pate?
我向你保证
Oh, monsieur, I assure you,
虽然全部混在一起
just because it is mixed up with all the other things,
份量上只多不少
we would not dream of giving you less than the full amount.
这样吧！我亲自保证，给您双份
In fact, I will personally make sure you have a double helping.
您要不要喝点酒？
Something to drink, monsieur?
要，给我六瓶四五年的白兰地
Yeah, I’ll have six bottles of Chateau Latour ’45,
四五年
’45.
和双份香槟
and a double Jeroboam of champagne.
好，还要麦酒吗？
Bon, and the usual brown ales?
好，等等，还是不要了 我最多只能装下六瓶
Yeah. No, wait a minute. I think I could only manage six crates today.
Tsk, tsk, tsk.
希望昨天您没喝太多
I hope monsieur was not overdoing it last night.
闭嘴！
Shut up! D’accord.
啊！拿新桶子和叫清洁工来了
The new bucket and the cleaning woman.
菜有问题吗？
