人生七部曲（1983）

If a sperm is wasted
上帝就会发怒
God gets quite irate
每个精♥子♥都是神圣的
Every sperm is sacred
每个精♥子♥都是神圣的
Every sperm is great
浪费一个精♥子♥
If a sperm is wasted
上帝就会发怒
God gets quite irate
让异教♥徒♥
Let the heathens spill theirs
随便浪费
On the dusty ground
上帝会要他们…
God shall make them pay
为每一个浪费的精♥子♥付出代价
For each sperm that can’t be found
每个精♥子♥都有人要
Every sperm is wanted
每个精♥子♥都是好的
Every sperm is good
每个精♥子♥都被需要
Every sperm is needed
你的邻居们
In your neighborhood
印度教、道教、摩♥门♥教♥
Hindu, Taoist, Mormon
不珍惜他们的精♥子♥
Spill theirs just anywhere
上帝喜欢那些…
But God loves those who treat
珍惜精♥子♥的人
Their semen with more care
每个精♥子♥都是神圣的
Every sperm is sacred
每个精♥子♥都是神圣的
Every sperm is great
浪费一个精♥子♥
If a sperm is wasted
上帝就会发怒
God gets quite irate
每个精♥子♥都是神圣的
Every sperm is sacred
每个精♥子♥都是好的
Every sperm is good
Every sperm is needed
每个精♥子♥都被需要
你的邻居们
In your neighborhood
每个精♥子♥都有用
Every sperm is useful
每个精♥子♥都很美好
Every sperm is fine
上帝需要每个人的
God needs everybody’s
我的，我的和我的
Mine, and mine And mine
让异教♥徒♥们
Let the pagans spill theirs
随意浪费
O’er mountain, hill and plain
上帝会为这种浪费
God shall strike them down
而教训他们
For each sperm that’s spilt in vain
“教宗的折扣屋”
每一个精♥子♥都是神圣的
Every sperm is sacred
每个精♥子♥都是好的
Every sperm is good
每个精♥子♥都被需要
Every sperm is needed
来造福乡里
In your neighborhood
每个精♥子♥都是神圣的
Every sperm is sacred
每个精♥子♥都很伟大
Every sperm is great
If a sperm is wasted
如果浪费精♥子♥
上帝就会发怒
God gets
Quite irate
所以孩子们，我的困难是…
So you see my problem, little ones.
不能再继续抚养你们
I can’t keep you all here any longer.
大声点！
Speak up!
不能再继续抚养你们
I can’t keep you all here any longer!
上帝赐给我这么多 但是我没法喂饱你们
God has blessed us so much I can’t afford to feed you anymore.
为什么不把你的小♥弟♥弟♥切掉
Couldn’t you have your balls cut off?
阿尼，没那么简单，上帝全知道
It’s not as simple as that, Nigel. God knows all.
他看破我们的诡计 如果能对自己做的，也会对他做
He’d see through such a cheap trick.
What we do to ourselves, we do to Him.
你可以安排让它意外被拉掉
You could have had them pulled off in an accident.
孩子们，我知道你们想帮忙 但我主意已定
No. Children, I know you’re trying to help,
but believe me, me mind’s made up.
我仔细的想了很久
I’ve given this long and careful thought,
你们大多要送去做医学实验品
and it has to be medical experiments for the lot of you.
每个精♥子♥都是神圣的
Every sperm is sacred
每个精♥子♥都很伟大
Every sperm is great
看看他们，该死的天主教♥徒♥
Look at them. Bloody Catholics. Filling the bloody world up
让该死的世界充满那些养不活的该死人类
with bloody people they can’t afford to bloody feed.
亲爱的，我们是什么？
What are we, dear?
新教♥徒♥，而且以此自豪
Protestant, and fiercely proud of it.
Well, why do they have so many children?
为什么他们有那么多小孩
因为每次性♥交♥，就有小孩
Because every time they have sexual intercourse, they have to have a baby.
哈瑞，我们不是也一样
But it’s the same with us, Harry.
你是什么意思？
What do you mean?
我们有两个小孩
Well, I mean we’ve got two children,
而我们只性♥交♥了两次
and we’ve had sexual intercourse twice.
那不是重点 重点是任何时候我们都可以性♥交♥
That’s not the point. We could have it any time we wanted.
真的？
Really?
是的，而且…
Oh, yes. And what’s more,
因为我们不相信天主教的噱头
because we don’t believe in all that Papist claptrap,
因此可以有预防措施
we can take precautions.
你是说把门锁起来吗？
What, you mean lock the door?
不，不，我指我们新教♥徒♥在十六世纪中叶 成功的向宗教制度挑战
No, no. I mean because we are members of the Protestant Reformed Church,
which successfully challenged the autocratic power
of the Papacy in the mid-sixteenth century,
使我们能有橡胶套的装置
we can wear little rubber devices to prevent issue.
你是什么意思？
What do you mean?
当我们性♥交♥时
I could, if I wanted, have sexual intercourse with you.
喔，是的，哈瑞
Oh, yes, Harry.
由于替小♥弟♥弟♥戴上橡胶套
And by wearing a rubber sheath over my old fellow,
所以在完事后，保证你不会怀孕
I could ensure that when I came off, you would not be impregnated.
这就是新教♥徒♥的好处
Ooh! That’s what being a Protestant’s all about.
因此它是我们的教会
That’s why it’s the church for me.
也是那些尊重个人♥权♥益…
That’s why it’s the church for anyone
who respects the individual
认为人有决定权的教会
and the individual’s right to decide for him or herself.
When Martin Luther nailed his protest up to the church door in 1517,
一五一七年马丁路德在教堂抗♥议♥
当时也许不知道意义有多重大
he may not have realized the full significance of what he was doing
但感谢他，四百年后的今天
but 400 years later, thanks to him, my dear,
我能在小♥弟♥弟♥上放上不同的装置
I can wear whatever I want on my John Thomas.
不只是保险套
And Protestantism doesn’t stop at the simple condom. Oh, no!
甚至可以戴法式搔痒套
I can wear French Ticklers if I want.
你戴什么？
You what?
法式搔痒套、黑曼波套、鳄鱼肋骨套
French Ticklers, Black Mambos, Crocodile Ribs…
这些护套不只保护
Sheaths that are designed not only to protect,
but also to enhance the stimulation of sexual congress.
更能增加刺♥激♥而得到满足
你有吗？
Have you got one?
我有吗？我，没…
Have I got one? Well, no…
但是任何时间我都能到哈瑞店里
but I can go down the road anytime I want and walk into Harry’s…
扬着头，高声而坚定的说
and hold my head up high and say, in a loud, steady voice,
“哈瑞，我要买♥♥保险套”
“Harry, I want you to sell me a condom.
“因为我是新教♥徒♥，所以我要买♥♥法式搔痒套”
“In fact, today I think I’ll have a French Tickler, for I am a Protestant.”
那你怎么不去买♥♥？
Well, why don’t you?
但是他们…他们不能…
But they, they cannot,
因为教会尚未超越中世纪的思想
because their church never made the great leap out of the Middle Ages
而且仍被外国的主教霸权所支配
and the domination of alien Episcopal supremacy.
因此新教会所倡导的性♥爱♥乐趣
But despite the attempts of Protestants
to promote the idea of sex for pleasure,
才会使小孩不断繁殖
children continue to multiply everywhere.
第二部 成长与学习
在第三个钟头时 他们有两次看到骆驼
And spotteth twice they the camels before the third hour.
所以米迪安人向索斯王朝旁
And so the Midianites went forth to Ram Gilead,
比盖美兹的瑞吉来雷高地出发
in Kadesh Bilgemath, by Shor Ethra Regalion,
来到佳叙比拜索巴达的家里
to the house of Gash-Bil-Bethuel-Bazda,
当初是他把牛油带到巴叙摩的
he who brought the butter dish to Balshazar,
将帐蓬架在罗柜门屋的旁边
and the tent peg to the house of Rashomon,
在此，他们开始畜养山羊
and there, slew they the goats,
然后把它们切小块放到锅中煮
yea, and placed they the bits in little pots.
学习结束
Here endeth the lesson.
让我们赞美主
Let us praise God.
喔，主呀
– O Lord. – O Lord.
喔，你是那么的大
Ooh! You are so big.
喔，你是那么的大
Ooh! You are so big.
如此巨大
So absolutely huge.
如此巨大
So absolutely huge.
唉，我可以告诉你 在下面的我们都印象深刻
Gosh, we’re all really impressed down here, I can tell you.
唉，我可以告诉你 在下面的我们都印象深刻
Gosh, we’re all really impressed down here, I can tell you.
主呀！原谅我们的谄媚
Forgive us, O Lord, for this, our dreadful toadying.
以及无♥耻♥的阿谀
And barefaced flattery.
但是你是这样的强状
But you’re so strong,
是那么超级
and, well, just so super.