我和厄尔以及将死的女孩

Bottom line, dude’s terrified
称别人为朋友…
of callin’ somebody his friend…
要是有人说”嘿 老兄 我不是你的朋友”
And they sayin’, “Hey, bro, I’m not your friend.”
他就得去自杀了
Then he’d have to kill himself.
不过你们怎么叫合作伙伴
But how are you coworkers?
我们一起拍电影
We, um, we make films.
电影
Movies?
对 我们一起拍电影有几年了
Yeah. We been making them for a few years now.
一共拍了大约42部
We have, like, 42 in total.
格雷戈 你从没和我说过
Greg! You never told me.
我们从未告诉任何人
Well, we never told anybody ’bout them.
都是烂片 我是说 烂到爆
They suck. I mean, they’re terrible.
我敢肯定那些电影不烂
I’m pretty sure they don’t suck.
要是你愿意 你可以自己去看看烂不烂
Well, you can see for yourself if you want.
你确定吗
Are you sure?
当然了 没什么好担心的
Hell, yeah, don’t even worry about it.
就是别告诉别人
Just don’t tell nobody.
当然 我不会告诉别人的
No, of course, I won’t.
好了 小子 站起来吧
All right, son, get on your feet.
好主意
Sounds good.
我们要去哪儿
Where are we going?
充满异域风情的饮品…满含寓言之梦[仿”蓝丝绒”]
我们可以送你回家
We can walk you home.
他还没恢复过来
He needs to recover,
你还是照看好他吧
and you probably should look after him.
一路平安
Peace, peace.
-谢谢 -再见
-Thanks. -Bye.
该死 厄尔
Goddamn it, Earl.
小子 别跟我来这套
Son, don’t even start.
猪蹄
Pig’s foot.
随着我们这个愚蠢故事的深入…
So, we’re pretty far into this stupid story now…
你可能会告诉自己
and you’re probably saying to yourself,
“嘿 我喜欢这个叫瑞秋的女孩
“Hey. I like this girl Rachel.
如果她最后去世了 我会很郁闷的”
And I’m gonna be pissed if she dies at the end.”
所以我想告诉你 别担心 她活下来了
So I am just telling you. Don’t freak out. She survives.
希望这样能让你安心
So, hopefully, that reassures you.
虽然这又怎么会有用呢
Although, actually, why would it?
你们今天的热情真叫我感慨
I’m just overwhelmed with your enthusiasm today.
我猜我们得用
I guess we’re just gonna have to do it
最古老的方法来解决了
the old-fashioned way.
我脑子里已经有了一个人
I’m thinking of one of you.
在这我就不提他的名字了
I’m not gonna mention any names,
不过你的名字缩写…
but your initials…
是斯考特·马修
are Scott Mayhew.
其实格雷戈告诉大家
In fact, Greg’s been telling everyone
你的汤里有大♥麻♥
your soup has marijuana in it.
我没有告诉任何人
I didn’t tell anyone.
我在公交车上听见你喊了
I heard you bellowing about it on public transit.
是事实吗 格雷戈
Is that a fact, Greg?
听着 昨天厄尔和我不知怎么就嗨了
Look, yesterday, Earl and I got stoned somehow.
就是在喝过你的汤之后
And it was after we both ate your soup.
而我们并没有抽大♥麻♥
And we didn’t smoke any marijuana,
我也从来没抽过 所以…
which I have never done, so…
你的汤里一定有大♥麻♥
your soup must have drugs in it,
因为我们吃过的食物就只有汤…
’cause that was the only thing we both ate…
还有从毒贩子”病态菲尔”那
other than some cookies we got from Ill Phil,
拿的饼干
the drug dealer.
老兄 你怎么会不知道是饼干的原因
Man, how did you not know it was the cookies?
老兄 是你这笨蛋在车上大吼大叫的
Man, it was your dumb ass yelling that shit on the bus.
哟 格雷戈
Yo, Greg!
你打我的小报告了
Did you snitch on me?
他当然打了
He did snitch on you!
我就在场
I was there.
我听见你嘲笑我
I heard you ridiculing me
就当着你那些恶心的闺蜜的面
in front of your loathsome harem.
你让自己…多了一个死敌
You have made… a mortal enemy.
我永远都不会放过你
And I will never stop hounding you.
没错 而且你的死敌是两个 老子可捅过人的
Yeah, you made two mortal enemies. I stabbed a dude.
老天啊
Jesus.
我会用20招干掉你
I’ll kiil you in 20 different ways
用刀捅死你 拿死光射死你
Stab you with blades. Shoot you with death rays.
把你丢在迷宫里 拿蛋黄酱噎死你
Abandon you in a maze. Choke you on mayonnaise
所以他们还没真的动我
So they haven’t really done anything.
过去快一个月了
It’s been about a month now.
他们确实说永远不会放过我…
They did say they’re never gonna stop hounding me…
所以也就是迟早的事吧…
so, sooner or later… you know…
迟早被他们抓到
gonna get hounded.
对不起 下次我会带些花来
Sorry, next time I’ll bring you some flowers.
不过我都不知道能放在哪里
Though I don’t even know where I’d put them.
几乎只有呕吐筐还是空的
It’s like, like the only place left is the barf bucket.
鲜花
Flowers.
你呕吐的地方
Where you barf.
我喜欢你头上的帽子
I like that hat.
蛮可爱的
It’s pretty cute.
听着 我从小就不是特别漂亮…
Look, I’ve never been very beautiful…
那也没关系 因为我不看重外貌
and that’s fine because that’s not important to me.
但是…
But…
我本以为接受我现在的样子没那么难
I thought it’d be easier looking like this.
但并非如此
It’s just not.
大家来看到我这样…
Everyone comes in here and sees me…
明显能看出他们的厌恶
and they’re so clearly repulsed.
真的比我想象的难多了
It’s so much harder than I thought it would be.
嘿 别这么说
Hey, come on.
你很漂亮
You look good.
我很丑 格雷戈 真的很丑
I’m ugly, Greg! I’m so ugly.
每个人都觉得应该对我说好话
Everyone feels like they have to lie to me
而没人意识到那更伤人
and no one realizes how insulting that is.
大家都觉得是在帮我 其实并非如此
Everyone thinks they’re helping, and they’re not.
拿着
Here.
这片子叫”罗生疹”
That one’s called Mono Rash.
根据黑泽明的”罗生门”拍的
It’s based on Rashomon by Kurosawa.
故事讲的是厄尔一直在杀人
Plot’s basically just Earl killing people
因为他长了疹子…
’cause he has a rash…
病因是单核细胞增多症
from mono, you know, the STD.
不管怎样 我们就要制♥作♥新片了
Anyway, we’re supposed to go work on
致敬”现代启示录”
our homage to Apocalypse Now.
我们的叫”一盒郁金香 哇”
Ours is called A Box O’ Lips, Wow,
肯定比”罗生疹”还逊
which is even worse than Mono Rash.
它是一部战争片 讲的是两个人
It’s a war movie where these two guys
卷入了残酷得难以形容的战争…
take part in the unspeakable brutality of war…
然后他们找到了一盒郁金香
and then they find a box of tulips.
“一盒郁金香” 然后他俩就”哇”地大叫
Box O’ Lips, yeah. And they’re just, “Wow.”
郁金香的美丽让他们难以忘却
They can’t get over how great these tulips are,
就像这样叫”一盒郁金香 哇”
it’s like, “A box o’ lips, wow!”
不过最惨的是郁金香太贵了
The worst part is, tulips might not
完全超出了我们的预算
even be in the budget anymore.
我还是在这儿呆着吧
I should actually just stay here
不能让你看我们拍的烂片
and keep you from watching that.
没关系 你去拍吧
No! I’m fine. Go make it.
好吧
Okay.
好吧 那祝你尽情享受
Okay. Have fun watching
这部史无前例的烂片
this incredibly terrible movie.
嗯 祝你新作顺利
Mmm. Have fun making the next one.
唔
Mmm-hmm.
嘿 白人小子
Hey, white boy!
给我做一朵郁金香 不然我就
Why don’t you make me a tulip ‘fore I have Doopie come down
放杜菲下来咬你
there and eat your face.
不过 说真的 你能帮我做一朵郁金香吗
But no, for real. Can you make me a tulip?
天啊 我真的在片场吗
Oh, my God! Am I on set right now?
-我去 -天啊
-Oh, damn! -Oh, my God!
啊 我好激动 开机 停机
Ahh! I can’t take it! Action! Cut!