我和厄尔以及将死的女孩

你理解错了 我来这里不是因为我同情你
You got it all wrong. I’m not here ’cause I pity you.
而是因为我妈强迫我来
I’m actually here because my mom is making me.
那更糟
That’s actually worse.
是的 我知道
Yeah, I know.
听着 我没事 真的没事 你就…走吧
Look, it’s okay. Honestly, I’m fine. Just… just go.
好吧 瑞秋 你听我把话说完
Okay, Rachel, just listen to me for a second.
如果我不来找你玩…
My mom is gonna turn my life into a living hell…
那我妈会把我的生活变成人间地狱
if I don’t hang out with you.
我完全没有夸张她的烦人程度
I can’t overstate how annoying she’s being about this.
她几乎是唠叨界的勒布朗·詹姆斯
She’s basically like the LeBron James of nagging.
勒布朗·詹姆斯是打篮球的
LeBron James plays basketball.
我知道勒布朗·詹姆斯是谁
I know who LeBron James is.
听着 我知道我来这帮不了你
Look, I know I’m not doing you any favors here.
我来这是想请你帮我一个忙
What I’m asking is for you to do me a favor.
你想请我帮你一个忙
You want a favor from me?
是的
Yes.
就让我和你一起玩一天吧
Just let me hang out with you for one day.
我就能向我妈交差了
I could tell my mom we hung out
之后我们就不再干涉彼此的生活
and then we’ll just be out of each other’s lives.
成交
Deal?
成交
Deal.
保证
Word.
那是黑人♥权♥利敬礼吗
Is that a Black Power salute?
不是 我只是想碰个拳
No, I was going in for a fist bump.
我站在这里碰不到你的拳头
I can’t fist bump you from up here.
对 我意识到了
Yeah, I realize that.
书挺多
Books.
不错
Nice.
然后是…
And, uh…
树丛墙纸
tree wallpaper.
挺好的
That’s good.
为什么好
Why?
说不上来
I don’t know.
这房♥间里枕头好多
There’s a lot of pillows in here.
唔
Mmm-hmm.
这里到底有…有多少个枕头
Seriously, like, how many… how many pillows is that?
我不知道
I don’t know.
要是我也有这么多枕头就好了
I wish I had that many pillows.
那就问你♥爸♥妈要点
So, ask your parents for some.
不行 他们会怀疑我的
No, they’d be suspicious or something.
怀疑什么 你整天都在睡觉
What, that you’d sleep all the time?
不 大概会怀疑
No. Probably assume
我在上面打飞机吧
I was gonna masturbate all over them.
他们总是把我想得很恶心
They just have some gross ideas about me.
但那是他们的想法
But that’s on them.
他们买♥♥的都是性感的枕头
They’re always getting sexy pillows.
这个枕头挺好看的
This is a nice pillow.
很明显它是公的…
This pillow is a dude, obviously…
但是它让我想起我家以前
but it reminds me of this pillow
有个叫弗朗西丝科的枕头
we used to have named Francesca.
和它颜色差不多
They have a similar coloring.
我们最后不得不把
Anyway, Francesca, we had to eventually
弗朗西丝科送人…
give away because in the end…
因为我们之间的感情成了问题
that whole situation was just a real problem.
一团糟
It was a mess.
没人能否认
There was a real chemistry
我们之间有种化学反应
between us both that I think no one could deny.
我知道世人都认为那是错的…
I know the world may have thought it was wrong…
但是我个人认为 世人才是错的…
but I think, personally, the world was wrong…
一个枕头和一个男孩…
about what could be between…
能产生怎样的情愫…
a pillow, and a boy…
而男孩自此成为男人
who became a man.
随便吧 我只是…
Or whatever. I’m just…
想搞笑一下
trying to be funny.
不 你说得很好玩 谢谢你
No, that was good. Thank you.
该死
Oh, shit.
我其实该走了
I actually have to go.
没事 是谁呀
That’s okay. Who was that?
抱歉 是厄尔
Sorry. Uh, that was Earl.
厄尔是谁
Oh, who’s Earl?
你也许记得15分钟前的那个厄尔
You may remember Earl from 15 minutes ago.
大咪♥咪♥
Titties.
有人以为厄尔是我的朋友
So, some people think Earl is my friend,
但他真的不是
but he’s really not.
他更像是我的合作伙伴
He’s more like a coworker.
从幼儿园起我就认识他了
I’ve known him since kindergarten.
他家离我家只有几步路
His house is a short walk from mine,
但是他家周围环境很差
but in a much tougher neighborhood.
他的爸爸在德州 他的妈妈有抑郁症
His dad is in Texas, his mom is a depressed shut-in.
而他哥哥德里克的狗 杜菲
And his brother Derrick’s dog Doopie
总有一天会把我吃了
will definitely eat me someday.
杜菲 杜菲 冷静
Doopie, Doopie, chill!
所以这么多年来 我们基本都是在我家玩
So over the years we’ve mostly hung out at my place.
一般和我爸爸一起玩 他是社会学终身教授
Usually with my dad, a tenured sociology professor.
小猫 你有什么能耐 想打架吗
What you got, cat? You wanna fight?
我猜你不敢吧 废废猫
Didn’t think so, punk-ass cat.
-孩子们 -他的工作让他可以
-Boys! -His job allows him
经常无所事事地待在家
to be frequently at home doing nothing.
你们一定要来好好看看这个
You’ll want to pay close attention to this.
疯狂的征服者 阿基尔
The insane conquistador, Aguirre,
正狂暴地穿过丛林…
is raging through the jungle…
去寻找并不存在的黄金之城
in search of a golden city that doesn’t exist.
“上帝的愤怒”
“The Wrath of God.”
经典的外国影片
It’s a classic of foreign cinema.
“还有谁和我一起去”
“Who else is with me?”
除了一流的电影…
In addition to the best films…
这是墨鱼
This is cuttlefish.
我家还有古怪之极的食物
my house also has the weirdest food.
一种貌似鱿鱼的海洋生物
A sea creature much like a squid.
是受人喜爱的东亚零食
It is a favorite East Asian snack food.
很明显 我们家庭背景相差悬殊
Obviously we come from pretty different backgrounds.
但不知为何 我们的喜好差不多
But somehow, we like most of the same things.
的确 它的气味在西方人闻起来
Yes, its smell is odd and repellent
又奇怪又恶心
to our Western noses.
而且 我们很早就意识到
And we learned pretty early on
我俩是唯一喜欢…
that we were the only ones who liked…
例如 经典外国电影的
for example, classics of foreign cinema.
为什么我们会喜欢
Why did we like them?
很难说出原因
It’s hard to say.
也许它们很奇怪 而且常充满暴♥力♥
Maybe it’s that they were weird and often violent,
就像我们
like us.
有的很费解并且可能毫无意义 就像生活
Or confusing and possibly meaningless, like life.
“你不能逃出这个臭烘烘的营地
“You can’t escape of this stinkin’ camp
因为不知道他们何时会来电♥话♥
because you never know when they call you.
因为你拿了工资 签了合同”
Because you’re paid for, you’re under contract.”
总之 我们太喜欢电影了
Anyway, we liked them so much
所以我们开始自己拍摄
we started making our own.
开拍
Action!
每部电影的概念就是…
The idea behind each one was…
我们选一部喜欢的电影
we took a film that we liked
然后把电影名改得蠢一点
and made the title stupider.
“不死鼻鼬2″”扒又1/2的午饭””粪人””轰菱艳””桃色汉堡””迷踪记”
再拍成新的电影
And then made a new film
来反映这些蠢影名
to reflect the new stupid title.
这拍摄套路只能产出烂片…
It’s a formula that only produces horrible films…
但是不知为何我们一直遵循着
but for some reason we keep using it.
我们制♥作♥了42部小♥电♥影♥
We’ve made 42 films.
也许你以为我们已经停止拍摄了
You’d think we’d have stopped making them by now.
但是并没有
But we haven’t.
“说实话你哪都去不了
“Honestly, it’s like you can’t go anywhere.
你不能逃出这个臭烘烘的地方…