月亮上的男人（1999）

摔交对我来说是项很严肃的运动
Wrestling’s a very serious sport to me,
我不喜欢 象你这样的人拿它来取乐
and I don’t appreciate some jerk like you trying to make fun of it.
我不允许象你这样的人 试图用它来作弄从南方来的人
And I certainly don’t appreciate a jerk like you trying to make fun of people from the South!
那么我们在法庭上见
So we can go to court,
or you can get in the ring with a man and wrestle for real!
你想跟我摔交吗?
Oh, you wanna “rassle” me?
你想跟我来孟斐斯风格的
You wanna “rassle” me Memphis style?
我告诉你 洛勒… 我强烈要求你手下留情
Well, let me tell you something, Mr. Lawler… I am gonna make you scream for mercy!
过来，考夫曼
Come on, Kaufman!
他们不知道什么打得他们
They didn’t know what hit them! Oh!
是演戏吗? 是演戏吗?
Is it an act? Is it an act?
或是你喜欢制♥造♥麻烦?
Or are you just addicted to causing trouble?
或宝贝， 只要我喜欢随时可以退出
I can quit anytime I want, baby!
你知道什么? 我不是支柱
You know what? I’m not a prop.
别再对我那佯
Don’t ever treat me like that again.
对不起，嗨，嗨
I’m sorry. Hey. Hey.
我只是着急了， 没别的意思
Uh, I just get caught up, that’s all.
有时我会失控的
Sometimes I get lost.
安迪，别再摔交了
Please, Andy, enough with the wrestling.
你认为我赢不了他?
You don’t think I can beat him?
他是南方的重量级拳击冠军 他会杀了你的
He’s the Southern heavyweight champion. He’ll kill you.
我不知道
I don’t know.
我和比他高大的女人都摔过交 我可以用他们来拖地
I’ve wrestled women bigger than him, and I’ve mopped the floor with them.
你首先要打败女人 然后你就打败南方
First you piss off women. Then you piss off the South.
你就被杀了， 而我已经定了演唱会
Then you get killed, and I did the booking.
好笑
Funny.
我希望你能接受这项工作
Listen, I got this job that I want you to take.
是每个星期五的电视秀
It’s guest-hosting the TV show Fridays.
不是很好可对你有好处
It’s not a great TV show, but it’ll be good for you.
是实况转播的 他们会全权委托你…
It’s live, they’ll give you carte blanche…
你又可以让人们大笑了
and you get back in the business of making people laugh.
– 你说是实况转播? – 实况转播
– You said live? – Live.
我不会幽默
I don’t do drug humor.
安迪， 那是整个节目的需要
Andy, it’s fine. This is what the show is all about.
年轻人喜欢这种素材
Kids love this stuff.
我不会吸毒， 我也不会轻视他们
I don’t do drugs, and I don’t enjoy making light of them.
你们不是答应我创造性的调节吗
I was promised creative control.
没人答应你创造性的调节
Nobody promised you creative control.
三天前我就给你剧本了 到今天你没说一句话
I got you the script three days ago, and you haven’t said a damn word until today.
几分钟后，就要实况转播了 太迟了
We’re going live in a few minutes. It’s too late.
走，让观众进来
Let’s go! Bring the audience in!
从洛杉矾来的实况转播 – 詹尼斯，开始了
– Live from the Los Angeles Basin, – Janice, it ‘s on!
现在是每周星期五
it ‘s Fridays!
特别嘉宾: 安迪·考夫曼
Andy Kaufman!
这个画面里 两对已婚的夫妇出去吃饭
In this sketch, two married couples are out to dinner.
每个人都秘密的带了块肉
Everybody has secretly brought along a joint.
卡尔是最后一个 鬼鬼祟祟进入浴室的人
Carl was the last one to sneak to the bathroom to get a little high,
现在他返回餐桌
and now he’s coming back to the table.
一千元，饭店的东西太贵了， 不是吗
Gee, restaurants are amazing, aren’t they?
周围的人都面无表情
Strangers sitting around, stuffing dead animals into their faces.
真是难以置信?
It’s incredible, isn’t it?
是啊，一千元
Yeah, gee,
并且…卫生间…
and… the bathrooms…
是…如此…华丽…
are… so… colorful…
你没事吧… 卡尔?
Everything okay… Carl?
对不起 我… 我只是… 不能做
I’m sorry. I… I just… can’t do it.
我… 我不能太兴奋了
I… I can’t play stoned.
看提示性卡片
Read the cue cards.
我不能太兴奋了
I can’t play stoned.
我… 我感觉… 很傻
I… I feel… stupid.
你感觉很傻? 我们呢?
You feel stupid? What about us?
对不起
I’m sorry.
对不起
– I’m sorry.
安迪
Andy.
你没必要那样做
You didn’t have to do that.
住手
Cut it out!
你这个笨蛋
Oh… You jerk!
好了，现在继续广♥告♥节目
Okay, that’s it. Go to commercial now.
– 我告诉你我不想演这个场景 – 考夫曼，离开我的舞台
– I told you I didn’t want to do this sketch. – Kaufman, get off my stage.
别碰我，疯子
Don’t you touch me! You’re a nut!
– 别打架 – 疯子
– Break it up! – A nut!
安静
Settle down.
安迪为什么要那样做
Oh, why does Andy do that? Why? Why?
我开始用娴雅 …
I started using Suave…
我们应该继续广♥告♥节目
We’ve gone to commercial!
– 对不起 – ABC开除你了
– Excuse me! – You’re never gonna work at ABC again!
女士们，先生们，请原谅
Excuse me! Ladies and gentlemen, please.
你们刚才看到的是场意外
You have all just participated in a happening.
Oh!
你们知道
Now, okay, you know,
为了逼真，台下有人可能知道 可能不知道
to make it real, some of you down there knew what was going on and some of you didn’t.
但我们不想扰乱在家的人
But we don’t want to upset the folks at home,
所以安迪会告诉 他们这只是个闹剧
so now Andy is going to tell them that it was all just a prank.
不要广♥告♥了…
Coming back from commercial, and…
在广♥告♥中
During the commercials,
ABC的人委托我向你们解释一下…
the people at ABC told me to explain to you…
整个的打架事件都是在演戏
that this whole fight episode was staged.
– 哦，好啊 – 这是假的
– Oh, good. – It’s a lie!
只是骗局而已
It’s a cover-up!
我不明白，你们为什么笑? 我现在不好笑了呀
Why are you laughing? I don’t understand. I’m not being funny now.
你们见到的是真的
What you saw was real!
这些是总是在网上发生
No, these… these things happen all the time at the networks, only they cut away.
– 剪掉广♥告♥ – 你们看?
– Cut to commercial. – You see?
你们看?
You see?
他们一定会解雇我 如果你们想再见我 就到孟斐斯来
For sure they’re gonna fire me, so if you want to see me again you’ll have to come to Memphis…
孟斐斯有什么?
– Ho ho ho Green Giant – What’s in Memphis?
巨大的诱惑力让你…
The Giant’s flavor-tight pouch Lets you…
那家伙完全失常
That kid is totally meshuga.
杰尔·洛勒
Jerry Lawler!
来自田纳西州孟斐斯的…
The most popular athlete…
最受欢迎的运动员
in the history of Memphis, Tennessee,
走进拳击场
stepping inside a squared circle.
重236磅
At 236 pounds,
杰尔·洛勒王子
Jerry “The King” Lawler!
介绍
“March And Fanfare – And introducing,
191磅
at 191 pounds,
世界冠军获得者
the holder of the world intergender championship,
安迪·考夫曼来了
here is Andy Kaufman!
你们可以听到 大家对安迪·考夫曼欢呼声
You can hear the ovation, or lack of one, for Andy Kaufman.
欢呼变成了嘲讽
The cheers turned to jeers.
洛勒会为我们每个人讨回公道
Lawler is gonna settle a score for each and every one of us,
因为我们都受了 来自好莱坞可怕的安迪·考夫曼的羞辱
because we’ve all been insulted by this hideous Andy Kaufman from Hollywood, California.
裁判员安排的这次较量… –
The referee assigned to this bout…
我们比赛前
Before we begin this event,
我想跟你们讲几件事 让你们感到恶心
I just want to say a couple of things to you disgusting people!
那是不对的
Oh, come on. That’s just not right.
你们听吗?
Are you listening to me?
好
Okay!
各位
Ladies and gentlemen,
这是一块肥皂
this is a bar of soap.
跟我说
Say it with me.
肥皂
“Soap.”
你们要做的是打湿肥皂…
All you have to do is wet this bar of soap…
用它擦你的手…
and wipe your hands with it…
擦你的身体
and rub it on your body,
不久那专人厌恶的脏东西就清除了
and soon that disgusting, filthy dirt will come off!
他为什么说这些?
Why is he saying these things?
他只是想引起观众的兴趣 激怒他们
He’s just engaging the audience. He’s riling them up.
他们就会中伤他
They are going to lynch him.
第二件事
And now for lesson two!
这是卫生纸！
This is toilet paper!