爱情与灵药（2010）

I got to get out of here.
我出门了
You’re not going to go see her, are you?
你要去见她吧
No.
不是
Maggie!
玛吉
Hi.
你好
Hey, what’s that?
那是什么
Food.
食物
For? Eating.
用来 吃的
They’re my noodles!
那是我的面条
You already have a face full of noodles!
你满脸都是面条
Jesus!
感谢上帝
My God, you are so selfish. You’re just like my mother.
你就和我妈一样自私
Did you sleep with your mother?
你和你妈上♥床♥吗
What? You know what?
什么 你知道吗
She’s cute, she’s available, you’d love her.
她很漂亮 随时有空 你肯定会爱上她的
The only thing is, she happens to take up all the oxygen in the room
除了她有点胖
and hog all the closet space, but other than that,
会占用房♥间里所有的衣柜外
you two are perfect for each other.
你俩是绝配
Is she hotter than you? I bet she’s hotter than you.
她比你性感吗 她肯定比你还性感
She doesn’t have a disease, either.
是的 而且她没有病
Does that work for you generally?
一般这样做有用吗
What? Selfpity.
什么 自顾自怜
You are a shithead.
你真是个蠢货
What?
怎么了
Nothing.
没什么
This is nice.
这样很好
Okay, I think it’s time to take off your clothes and jump me.
好了 是时候脱衣服做♥爱♥了
Wait. Am I not allowed to say that?
我能说先等等吗
I don’t know.
我不知道
First you bring food, and then you wanna spend the night,
你拿了吃的过来 然后想在这儿过夜
and then you bring a change of clothes,
然后又拿了换洗衣服
and then you bring a razor and, oh, my God, it’s a relationship.
和剃须刀过来 天哪 我们在谈恋爱了
I don’t want a relationship.
我不想谈恋爱
Well, you can’t guarantee that now, can you?
你不能保证什么吧
You might actually have some kind of
没准你突然产生了某种
latent humanity that you don’t know anything about.
内在人格 连你自己都没发觉
You might like being in a relationship, and…
不知道自己或许喜欢谈恋爱
Listen, I said this was nice. I didn’t ask you to marry me.
听我说 我说这样很好 我没请你嫁给我
Well, I wouldn’t want to be with someone who was sick, either.
是我也不想很生病的人在一起
I’m sorry.
抱歉
Sorry. No.
对不起 别道歉
I just… I did that before, and it didn’t…
我以前恋爱过 但…
It wasn’t good.
结果不好
I’d just been diagnosed,
那时我刚被确诊
and he was married.
他是已婚人士
He helped me, and it didn’t end well. So…
他帮助我 但我们最后…
It’s Trey Hannigan, isn’t it?
那个人是特雷·汉尼根吧
Trey Hannigan? It was Trey Hannigan. Yeah, well…
是特雷·汉尼根吧 是的
Are you in love with him?
你爱上他了吗
No, I’m not in love with Trey Hannigan.
不 我没爱上他
I was never in love with Trey Hannigan.
我从没爱过他
He was… Said he was in love with me.
是他说他爱上我了
Which was, you know, a problem.
问题就出在这里
Can we just… Right, yeah.
我们做♥爱♥吧 好的
Yeah? Okay. Yeah.
好吗 好的
Please. Okay.
好 好的
You get a special thank you for bringing food.
你带食物过来 我有特别的谢礼
I do?
是吗
Yes, you do.
是的
You know what? What?
你知道吗 什么
What?
什么
I got to pee.
我想去尿尿
I’ll be right back. All right.
我马上就回来 好
Just give me a second, okay?
等我努努力好吗
Okay.
好的
Focus, focus, focus.
精力集中 精力集中
Should I keep going?
我还要不要继续
This never happens. I’m aware.
这事没发生过 我知道
I’m serious. It doesn’t.
说真的 从没发生过
No, no, no. Don’t worry about it. It’s me. I’m a jinx.
不不 别担心 是我的错 我是克星
That’s really helpful.
这话真让人倍感安慰
You know what? Why don’t you talk about all the other guys
你怎么不说跟你上过床的其他男人
that you slept with that couldn’t get it up, ’cause then it would really like…
他们老二硬不起来是因为…
Just calm down.
冷静点
Just give me a minute.
等一下
Don’t worry about it.
别担心
I am worried about it!
我没在担心
Jesus! Can you just please… Just show me a little kindness?
上帝 你能不能对我稍微仁慈一点
Please.
求你了
Oh, you lying sack of shit! You do have latent humanity.
你这个说谎的大混♥蛋♥ 你还是有人性的
Do you know what’s going on here? I just want to have sex.
你知道这是怎么回事吗 我只是想做♥爱♥
Well, your body’s telling you otherwise.
你身体可不这样想
What is that supposed to mean?
这是什么意思
Sit up.
坐起来
I don’t want to sit up. Come on. Sit up. Sit up. Sit up. Come on.
我不想坐起来 来吧 坐起来
All right. Now talk to me.
好了 跟我聊聊
I don’t want to talk.
我不想聊天
What else are we going to do? You’ve taken sex off the table.
但是你硬不起来 我们还能干什么
Come on. Come on. Tell me how your day was.
来吧 说说今天过得怎么样
My day? Mmmhmm.
我今天吗 是的
So I sneak up to my room and I white out the “D” so it looks like a “B,”
所以我偷偷溜进了我房♥间 把分数从D改成了B
which I did flawlessly. It was undetectable.
没人看得出来
And I go down to his study and I hand him the paper.
然后我去书房♥ 把试♥卷♥交给他
And he gives me the face.
他却怒目相视
And I’m like, “What?”
我说 怎么了
And then, from behind his back, he pulls out the goddamn carbon copy
他从后面把破学校寄的版本
that the school sent home. Oh, no!
拿给我 不会吧
Genius. Genius.
太有才了
You’re so competitive. No!
你挺好强的 我没有
Yeah! Yes, you are. Oh, my God, I tell you
你有 你就有 天哪 我告诉你
I’m involved with Trey Hannigan and you can’t get it up.
我和特雷·汉尼根有一段 结果你就硬不起来了
I could give a shit about Trey Hannigan.
我才不在意毛特雷
All you care about is beating him!
你想把他暴打一顿
Bullshit! You know, it’s so prehistoric.
胡说 这太老土了
All men care about is performance,
男人只关心自己的表现
but they have an appendage that doesn’t work
但他们担心自己的表现时
if they’re worried about performance.
老二就软了
Mmm. Well, you’re an expert, so…
好吧 你成专家了 那么
Okay. If I’m an expert, then why is your company spending
那为什么你们公♥司♥还要花
billions making a drug so that guys can get it up?
那么多钱研制壮♥阳♥药♥
Oh, I wish.
是这样就好了
It’s true. I read it. Pfizer’s making a fuck drug.
本来就是 我看过 辉瑞制药在做性药
Where’d you read that?
在哪儿看到的
I don’t know. Ask your guys.
我不知道 问问你公♥司♥的人吧
I don’t know where I read it. I’m a drug slut. I read everything.
我忘了哪儿看到的了 我是个药罐子 我什么药都看过
What drug? I don’t know,
什么药 我不知道
but it’s hard to believe, isn’t it?
难以置信对吧
It’s hard to believe.
难以置信
It’s gonna be pretty huge, though.
会让老二变得很大
When I think of the size of the problem
当我想到一个人的小老二
and that it’s growing larger, really…
真的在逐渐变大
Really. I can’t even imagine!
真的吗 我想象不出来
You know what I think…
知道我在想什么吗
To have found a solution to the stiffest, hardest…
有办法让它变得那么硬
Pfizer must be swelling with pride. I’m gonna stop you.
辉瑞会挤满人 我得打断你了
No tickling! Stop!
不要挠我痒 不要
Stop! No tickling! No, please!
不要 求你
Don’t tickle me just because you have a limp sense of humor!
不要因为你不懂幽默就来挠我痒
Oh!
太难以置信了
Keep talking.
继续说话呀