小鬼当家

噢，闭嘴！你看什么看？
Ah, shut up, will you? What is it?
你缺牙了
You’re missing some teeth.
是哪颗？我的金牙！
Where? It’s my gold tooth.
我的金牙没了！我非杀了他不可！
My gold tooth I’ll kill him I’ll kill him!
你再用罐子打…
You bomb me with one more can, kid…
老子一定把你的小鸡鸡扯下来放在油锅里煎！
…and I’ll snap off your cojones and boil them in motor oil!
九一一紧急专线
911 emergency.
喂，有人在我家行窃
Hello, my house is being robbed.
地址是林肯大道六百五十六号♥，我的名字叫墨菲
My address is 656 Lincoln Boulevard. My name is Murphy.
不知道上面有什么东西
You never know what’s up there.
他在那里！
There he is!
抓到你了！我抓到他了！哈利！
I got you! I got him, Harry.
抓到了！
I got him.
哈利，快起来，帮我！
Harry, give me a hand!
我抓到他了
I got him!
哈利，帮我一把！快起来呀！
Harry, help me. Get up!
我抓到他了！
I got him.
马文，你在干嘛？
What are you doing?
哈利，不要动！
Harry, don’t move.
不要动！
Don’t move.
马文，你要干什么？
Marv, what are you doing?
打死了吗？
Did I get him?
打死了吗？
Did I get him?!
在哪里？在哪里？
Where is it? Where is it?
别管它，爽了没有？你这个浑蛋
Never mind that. Here! How do you like it, huh? You jerk!
快去抓那个小孩！去呀！快去！抓住他！
Get that kid, before l… Get that kid!
跑哪去了？
Where’d he go?
说不定自杀了吧
Maybe he committed suicide.
在下面！你们两个大坏蛋，来抓我呀，要不然我报♥警♥了！
Down here, you big horse’s ass! Come get me before I call the police.
– 我去把这小子抓来！ – 等等
– Let’s get him! – Wait, wait.
这小子就是要我们…
It’s just what he wants us to do:
从楼下过去！中他的机关，想狠狠修理我们
Go back through his fun house so we get all tore up.
他就要报♥警♥了！
He’s gonna call the cops!
在树屋怎么报♥警♥？
From a tree house?!
过去
Come on.
从窗户过去？
Out the window?
我可不行
I’m not going out the window.
怎么？你害怕了？马文，你是不是怕了？
Why, you scared? Are you afraid? Come on, get out here.
快点啦你
Come on.
快点啦
Come on!
– 快点！ – 哈利，还是回去吧
– Come on. Keep going. – Let’s go back, Harry.
马文！别叫啦！
Shut it, Marv.
你好！
Hey, guys!
再看看这个！
Check this out.
快回去！快回去！
Go back. Go back.
他在那里！
There he is!
我要去报♥警♥！
Hey, I’m calling the cops!
等等，他就是想我们跟着他
Wait, wait! He wants us to follow him.
看我的，这边走
I got a better idea. Come on.
嗨，兄弟
Hiya, pal.
这回栽在我们手里了吧，过来吧你
We outsmarted you this time. Get over here!
哈利，我们怎么修理他？
What are you gonna do, Harry?
以牙还牙
I’ll do exactly what he did to us
我要用喷灯烧他的头！
Burn his head with a blowtorch.
我要用熨斗烫他的脸！
I’ll smash his face with an iron
再用油漆桶往他的脸上摔！
I’d like to slap him in the face with a paint can!
要不就把钉子插到脚掌里去！
Shove a nail through his foot!
把他的小嫩手指一根一根咬下来，一次咬一根
I’m gonna bite off every one of these little fingers, one at a time.
快走，快回家去
Come on. Let’s get you home.
哇！这下可好了！
Wow! This is great.
做得很好，每次做案都放水
Nice move, leaving the water running.
现在知道了，有水的房♥子就是你们干的
Now we know each and every house that you’ve hit.
找你们两个很久了
We’ve been looking for you guys for a long time.
好啊，记住了，我们就是有名的“水盗”
Yeah. Well, remember, we’re the “Wet Bandits.”
– 我们就是水盗，就是流水的水… – 闭嘴！闭嘴！上车！
– Wer Bandits that’s W-E-T – Shut up! Get in the car!
快点！
Hey, come on. Come on.
– 别碰我的头，朋友 – 上车！
– Hand off the head, pal! – Come on.
我不是个好母亲，不是好母亲
I’m a bad parent. I’m a bad parent.
不，你是个好母亲
No, you’re not.
你太自责了
You’re beating yourself up there. This happens.
别这样，这是常有的事
These things happen, you know.
要是说起不称职的父母，看看我们吧
You want to talk about bad parents? Look at us.
我们一年中有四十八到四十九个星期在外巡回演出，几乎见不到家人
We’re on the road 48, 49 weeks a year. We hardly see our families.
那边的乔治…
Joe, over there. Gosh, you know…
不记得自己孩子的名字
…he forgets his kids’ names half the time.
那边的兹吉根本就还没见过自己的孩子呢
Ziggy over there, he’s never even met his kid.
还有艾迪，他对不起家里的事就更多了
Eddy… Let’s just hope none of them write a book about him.
你们有因为去度假，把孩子忘在家里吗？
Tell me, have you gone on vacation and left your child home?
没有
No.
但是我倒是有一次把孩子忘在殡仪馆了
But I did leave one at a funeral parlor once.
那也是同样让人很难受
Yeah, it was terrible too. I was all distraught and everything.
我和我太太把孩子留在殡仪馆了
The wife and I, we left the little tyke there in the funeral parlor.
孩子被忘在殡仪馆里整整一天，到了晚上…
All day. You know, we went back at night, when we…
才想起他来，我们赶紧去找他
…came to our senses, there he was.
他在遗体旁待了整整一天
Apparently, he was there all day with a corpse.
六，七个星期之后，他就好了，你知道的…
Now, he was okay. You know, after six, seven weeks.
就又说又蹦又跳了
He came around and started talking again.
小孩子很快就恢复了，不像大人那样
They get over it. Kids are resilient like that.
我们或许不应该谈论这个话题
We shouldn’t talk about this.
既然你开头了，我就想让你振作起来
I was just trying to cheer you up.
是的，对不起
I’m sorry I did.
妈！
Mom?
妈！
Mom?
凯文！
Kevin!
圣诞快乐！宝贝
Merry Chris tmas sweetheart
凯文，妈妈真的对不起你
Oh, Kevin, I’m so sorry.
其他人都去哪了？
Where’s everybody else?
噢，他们回不来
Oh, baby, they couldn’t come.
他们是想回来的，可是…
They wanted to so much…
我才没有流口水呢！有吗？
I didn’t fall asleep in the back and drool all over you, did I?
– 你流了 – 别吵了
– You do drool! – Shut up!
凯文，你还好吧？
Kevin, my boy. How are you?
你没事吧
You’re all right.
我爱你，你还好吗？
I love you. You okay?
你还没把房♥子给烧了，真是了不起
It’s cool that you didn’t burn the place down.
谢谢，巴兹
Thanks, Buzz.
等一下，你们是怎么回来的？
Wait a minute. How’d you guys get home?
我们坐的是你不愿意等的那班飞机
On the morning flight you didn’t want to wait for.
– 喔！谢谢 – 圣诞快乐！
– Oh, no. Oh! Thank you. – Merry Christmas.
圣诞快乐！
Merry Christmas.
谁去找间有开门的商店，我们连牛奶都没有
Someone has to find an open store.
我昨天去店里买♥♥了
I went shopping yesterday.
你？买♥♥东西？
You, shopping?
我买♥♥了牛奶，买♥♥了鸡蛋，还有柔软精
I got some milk, eggs and fabric softener.
– 什么？ – 真的假的？
– What? – No kidding?
这孩子还真好玩
What a funny guy.
我们不在家的时候你还做了什么？
What else did you do while we were away?
只是在屋里东摸西摸
Just hung around.
把东西拿上楼
Bring your stuff upstairs.
他去买♥♥东西？他连自己的鞋带都不会系，还会买♥♥东西？
He went shopping? He doesn’t know how to tie his shoe. He’s going shopping?
宝贝，这是什么东西？
Honey, what’s this?
凯文！看你把我的房♥间搞成什么样子？
Kevin! What did you do to my room?