祝你好运，里奥·格兰德（2022）

No! No, no, I didn’t mean that. No.
不是的 我只是了解你的学历
No, I was just asking about qualifications and…
你上过学吗
Did you go to school?
当然 我妈妈是个非常严格的爱尔兰天主教♥徒♥
Of course. I mean, my mother was a very strict Irish Catholic.
她对你现在的工作有什么看法
And what does she think about what you’re doing now?
你想谈我妈妈 真的吗
You want to talk about my mother? Really?
是你先提起她的 -好吧 现在我不提了
Well, you brought her up. -Well now I’m dropping it.
但说真的
But seriously…
她不知道
She doesn’t know.
你穿这个真性感
You know, this looks so sexy on you.
她以为你是干什么的
What does she think you do?
如果我告诉你 我们能不再聊这个了吗
If I tell you, can we drop it?
因为你穿这个真的很好看
Because you really do look good in this.
我保证
I promise.
她以为我在石油钻塔工作
She thinks I work on an oil rig.
石油钻塔吗
An oil rig?
是的 石油钻塔 在北海
Yes, an oil rig. In the North Sea.
不 但是 但是做
No, but… But do…
你和她经常联♥系♥吗 你会给她发信息吗
Do you keep in contact? Do you send her updates
说说在石油钻塔上的生活 -南希你答应过的
about life on the oil rig? -Now, Nancy, you promised.
但你怎么知道石油钻塔上会发生什么
But how do you know what happens on an oil rig?
我可以上网搜索
I Google it, you know.
我找到一个网站 上面有石油钻塔生活的故事
I found a website where there’s stories about life on an oil rig
有时候我会复♥制♥粘贴
and I copy and paste them sometimes.
哈 这太神奇了 这日子过的
Ha. That’s amazing. What a life.
天啊 与此同时 我儿子正在大学攻读硕士学位
Oh, dear. Meanwhile, my son’s doing his Masters at university.
你不高兴吗
Are you not happy about that?
哦 当然 我很高兴 我当然很高兴
Oh, yes, no, I am, of course I’m happy.
好极了
It’s great.
我为什么会不高兴呢 这就是我期望的
Why wouldn’t I be happy? It’s just what’s expected.
为什么你听起来这么矛盾
Why do you sound so ambivalent about it?
“矛盾”也是个好词 -嗯哼
“Ambivalent”, that’s another good word. -Mm-hmm.
那么 你儿子怎么样
So… your son?
好吧 我 我 我 哦 亲爱的
Yes, well, I… I… I… Oh dear.
我从来没有对任何人说过 这太糟糕了
I’ve never said this to anyone before, this is awful.
没关系 我还能和谁说呢
It’s OK, who am I going to tell?
说吧
Come on.
事实上 我觉得他很无聊
I… well, the truth is I find him boring.
你觉得自己的儿子很无聊吗
You find your own son boring?
是啊 很糟糕 是吧
Yes. That’s awful, isn’t it?
我只是从没听人这么说过自己的孩子
I’ve just never heard anyone say that before.
你是一直都觉得他很无聊吗
Have you always found him boring?
不是 并没有 不是的 他是个好孩子
No, not always. No, he’s a very nice boy.
他就是很容易被看穿 像他父亲一样
He’s just very predictable, like his father.
他在学的什么
What’s he studying?
化学 算了 当我没说过这些
Chemistry. Please forget I said that.
算了吧 他是个可爱的男孩 我非常爱他
Just forget it, he’s a lovely boy and I love him very much
我应该心存感激因为他的表现非常好
and I should be grateful because he’s turned out very well.
还有其他孩子吗
Any other kids?
嗯 还有个大女儿 我们合不来
Mm. Daughter. Older. We don’t get along.
为什么
Oh, why not?
她觉得我很冷漠
She thinks I’m cold.
你怎么想的
And what do you think?
我不觉得我冷漠
I don’t think I’m cold.
我的意思是 我不觉得内心冷漠
I mean, I don’t feel cold inside
但也许我对她冷漠 那是因为她总是太张扬了
but maybe I’m cold with her because she’s so over the top all the time.
和她弟弟正好相反
So the opposite to her brother.
她住在巴塞罗那 一个波西米亚风格的地方
She lives in Barcelona, in this bohemian set-up.
那里都是艺术家 虽然我从没在那见过什么真正的艺术品
They’re all artists, although I’ve never seen any actual art.
除非这门艺术包括烧掉你♥爸♥妈的钱
Unless the art consists of burning your parents’ money, which…
事实上 这也不是不可能
Actually, it’s not out of the question.
至少她不无聊
At least she’s not boring.
是的 是的 的确 的确如此
No, no, there is that. There is that.
所以你的孩子们让你失望了 南希
So your children have disappointed you, Nancy.
是的 但是你最后一次见你妈妈是什么时候
Yes. But when did you last see your mum?
为什么问这个
Why?
因为我对你来自哪里很感兴趣
Cos I’m interested in where you come from.
我不是从哪个地方来的
I don’t come from anywhere.
你知道吗 我其实是在一片豆子大小的小蘑菇下被发现的
You know, I was actually found under a little patch of mushrooms
由友善的狼抚养长大
size of a bean, raised by friendly wolves.
说吧 告诉我点东西叹
Oh, go on. Tell me something.
我敬畏所有成为妈妈的人
I’m in awe of anyone who becomes a mother.
世界上最难的工作
Hardest job in the world.
你是从妈妈网上看到的吗
[注 英国最受欢迎的育儿网站]
Did you get that off Mumsnet or something?
什么
Sorry?
太笼统了 不是所有的妈妈都是伟大的
It’s a bit general. Not all mothers are good.
我不知道 我才喝了一杯
Well, I wouldn’t know. I’ve only had one.
是啊 我们都是得过且过 不是吗
Yeah, we’re all stuck with whatever we get, aren’t we?
父母和孩子都一样
Parents and children alike.
不过至少我知道自己在做什么
At least I know what mine are up to, though.
你有没有想过 你儿子说的关于他的生活是在骗你
Haven’t you ever wondered if your son is lying to you about his life?
不可能 -为什么
No. -Why not?
也许他不想让你失望
Maybe he doesn’t want to disappoint you.
他有伴侣吗
Has he got a partner?
是的 是个好女孩 也很无聊
Yes. Nice girl, also boring.
正在接受培训成为一名小学教师 无聊 无聊 无聊
Training to be a primary school teacher. Boring, boring, boring.
你不是说你是个老师吗
I thought you said you were a schoolteacher?
是啊 但我是中学的宗教教育老师
Yeah, but I was a Religious Education teacher
这和教六岁儿童的涂色
in a secondary school. That’s a very different beast to…
是非常不同的
colouring in with six-year-olds.
他们说小学教育是最重要的
They say primary education is the most important.
他们错了
Well, they’re wrong.
你知道有多少比例的中学生认为
D’you know what proportion of secondary school students think
宗教教育值得他们花一点时间和精力吗
that Religious Education is worth even an ounce of their time and attention?
我是说 我 -是的 没错
I mean, I… -No, well, exactly.
正是如此 所以我会在那里年复一年
Exactly. So there I would be, year after year
滔滔不绝地讲同样的老东西 不能脱离课程
spouting the same old stuff, unable to break away from the curriculum
以防我收到领导的投诉 也不能问他们任何真正的问题
in case I got complaints from the head and unable to ask them
以防我们浪费时间
anything real in case we lost time
只是努力完成工作
and just battling through the work
帮他们通过考试
and getting them through the exams
然后第二年再重新开始
and then you just start again the following year
一直都是老样子 太无聊了
doing the same old stuff. It was just stultifying.
我想我可能破坏了气氛
I think I may have killed the mood.
我不确定有什么气氛被破坏了
I’m not sure there was a mood.
对不起 我太失礼了 -不是的 是我的问题
I’m sorry, that was rude of me. -No, it’s true.
不对 你没有为事实买♥♥单
No, but you’re not paying for the truth, though.
你在为幻想买♥♥单
You’re paying for a fantasy.
此时此刻 我都不知道我付钱是为了什么
At this moment, I’m not sure what I’m paying for.
我可以展现给你看
I can show you.
我毫不怀疑
I don’t doubt it.
怎么做能让你恢复心情
What would get you back in the mood?
什么
Hmm?
你丈夫会怎么做才能让一切重新开始
What would your husband do to get it all going again?
嗯
Um…
好吧
Well…
他 他会
He… He would, er…
脱♥光♥衣服躺在床上
take all his clothes off, and lie in the bed
不♥穿♥睡衣
without putting his pyjamas on.
我会脱♥光♥衣服
And I would take all my clothes off
穿着我的睡衣
put my nightie on
躺在他旁边
and lie in the bed next to him
然后他会轻轻地摩擦我的肩膀和胸部
and then he would rub my shoulders and breasts a bit
然后他会爬到上面做正事
and then he would climb on top, do the business
亲吻我的脸颊 滚开 穿上他的睡衣
kiss my cheek, roll off, put his pyjamas on
然后继续睡觉
and go back to sleep.
就这样吗 -就这样
That’s it? -That’s it.
一直都这样吗 -一直都是
Always? -Always.
31年来没有过例外
No deviation for 31 years.
那就是你唯一经历过的性方式吗
And that’s the only sex you’ve ever had?