好小子们

Soren? Yeah.
他说了我名字 他说了索尔吗
He said my name? He said “Thor”?
-差不多吧 -太好了
– Pretty much. – Sweet.
女孩也会去 你知道这意味着什么吗
There’s also gonna be girls there. You know what that means?
-撕逼 -是接吻
– Drama. – Kissing.
你们两个知道怎么接吻吗
So, do you guys know how to kiss?
-我他妈完全不懂 -不知道
– I have no fucking clue. – No.
完全不懂
No, not at all.
输入”接吻”
Type “kissing.”
不不不 输入”奶♥子♥”
Ooh. No, no, no. “Boobs.”
“乳腺癌研究”“怎样找到合身的胸罩”
“Breast cancer research.” “How to find a bra that fits.”
我有主意了
I have an idea.
“您是否已满18岁”
“Are you 18 or older?”
我要点击”是”
I’m gonna click “yes.”
我们没有18岁
We’re not 18 or older.
这记录会跟随我们一辈子
This could go on our permanent record.
我是你的后妈
I’m your stepmother.
你不能在我洗澡时偷看我
You are not supposed to be looking at me in the shower.
别告诉我爸爸 他逼我退出了运动队
Don’t tell my dad. He made me quit the sports team.
起来 起来
Get up. Get up.
他遇上麻烦了
He’s in trouble.
你必须接受惩罚
You deserve a punishment.
把短裤脱下来
Pull down your shorts.
有了后妈就会发生这种事吗
Is that what happens when you get a stepmom?
好恶心
Ew.
这么大不可能放进去
No way that’s gonna fit in there.
快逃啊 女孩
Get out of there, girl!
他手放哪去了
Where did his hand go?
好恶心 天哪
Ew! Oh, my God!
都没有人接吻
Nobody even kissed.
是啊 至少亲的不是嘴唇
Yeah, not on their mouths, at least.
我父母有个心脏复苏娃娃
My parents have a CPR doll.
我们可以用她练习接吻
We can go practice kissing on that.
快来
Come on.
这个心脏复苏娃娃真好看
This is a really pretty CPR doll.
那就我先来吧
I guess I’ll go first.
住手 你在干什么
Stop. What are you doing?
亲她
Kissing her.
你不能不经允许就亲别人
You can’t kiss someone without their permission.
忘记学校集♥会♥上说的了吗
Remember from assembly?
把它当成布莉克斯丽
Pretend it’s Brixlee.
-尽量绅士一点 -好啦
– Try to be a gentleman. – Okay.
布莉克斯丽 我可以亲你吗
Brixlee, can I kiss you?
为什么
Why?
-为什么 -是的
– Why? – Yeah.
你喜欢我哪一点
What do you like about me?
你人很好 闻起来很香
You’re sweet. You smell good.
而且还很聪明
You’re smart, too.
你总是帮亨利推轮椅
You always push Henry in his wheelchair
尽管他超级刻薄
even though he’s super mean.
当我以为你对我的爱意心知肚明时
And just when I think I’ve got you figured out,
你却转头去滑滑板了
you go ahead and start skateboarding.
我愿意
I consent.
-感觉怎么样 -黏黏的
– How was it? – Sticky.
为什么她嘴里有头发
Why does she have hair in her mouth?
算了 这东西什么都教不了我们
You know what? This isn’t teaching us anything.
我们要看真人接吻
We need to see real people kissing.
只有这样我们才能知道自己做得对不对
That’s the only way to know if we’re doing it right.
我的邻居是个彻头彻尾的色情狂
My neighbor is a total nymphomaniac.
她男朋友总来她家
Her boyfriend’s always over.
她喜欢放火吗
She starts fires?
不 那是纵火狂 她是色情狂
No, that’s a pyromaniac. She’s a nymphomaniac.
她在地上和海里做♥爱♥
Someone who has sex on land and sea.
真的吗
Seriously?
我本来想等到明天再给你惊喜的
Okay, I was gonna wait till tomorrow to surprise you,
但我能现在说吗
but can I just tell you?
-不用了 我很好 -不 你会想知道的
– Nah, I’m good. – No, you want to know.
我什么都看不见
I can barely see anything.
我知道自从我遇见了本吉
I know we haven’t been hanging out much
我们就很久没有一起玩了 但我想弥补你
ever since I met Benji, but I want to make it up to you.
明天我会翘掉学校的课
So, tomorrow, I’m skipping school,
然后我们开车到城里看肯德里克·拉马尔
and we’re driving to the city to see Kendrick Lamar.
肯德里克·拉马尔 美国说唱歌♥手
-不会吧 -我们还会来点莫莉
– Shut up! – And we’re gonna do Molly.
莫莉 即摇♥头♥丸♥
-你安排好了一切 -当然了
-You thought of everything. – Of course I fucking have.
我们明天将会玩得超开心
It’s gonna be amazing.
两位美女
Remix!
是本吉搞到的莫莉
Well, Benji got us the Molly.
-本杰明 -谢谢
– Benjamin. – Oh, thank you!
看
Look.
这样没用 也许我们应该去爬树
This isn’t working. Maybe we could go climb a tree.
不行 他们会看到我们的
No, they’d see us.
不 我是说我们别看了 还是爬树去吧
No, I just meant let’s go climb a tree.
兄弟 等等 我知道看他们接吻的办法了
Dude, wait. I know a way we can see them kiss.
想都别想
我做不到
I can’t.
它自带摄影头 我们什么都看得见
It has a camera. We could see everything.
我们能学到真正的技术
We can learn technique.
这是他爸爸工作用的 这不是玩具
It’s for his dad’s work. It’s not a toy.
这当然是玩具了 是在玩具店卖♥♥的
Of course it’s a toy. They sell it at toy stores.
我的叔叔原来在军队开无人机
My uncle flew a drone for the Army,
现在他睡觉时会喊叫而且疯狂腹泻
and now he yells in his sleep and has crazy diarrhea.
他把无人机放家里就够糟的了
It’s messed up that he even keeps it in the house.
你每天都要从旁边经过
You have to walk by it every day.
-他是在折磨你 -你说得对
– He’s torturing you. – It’s true.
就像你表妹穿比基尼在你身边走来走去
It’s like when your cousin walks around in a bikini
还嘲笑你
and she taunts you.
如果他发现了 你会被禁足的
If he finds out, you’ll be grounded.
你就没法去索伦的派对了
You won’t be able to go to Soren’s.
更糟糕的是 你会失去父亲的信任
And even worse, you’ll lose your father’s trust.
你说得也对
That’s true, too.
她会爱上你的本质
She’ll love you for who you are.
是啊 吻技烂得一批
Yeah, a shitty kisser.
还记得之前看的黄♥片♥吗
Remember the porn from earlier?
那个男的都不知道怎么接吻
That guy didn’t even know how to kiss.
只是在舔那个女的的屁♥眼♥
He was just licking that woman’s asshole.
-你也想亲屁♥眼♥吗 麦克斯 -不
– You want to kiss an asshole, Max? – No.
麦克斯 别听他的
Max, don’t listen to him.
他想去是因为他痴迷于受欢迎的男孩
He just wants to go because he’s obsessed with popular boys.
相信我 麦克斯 不知道怎么接吻
Believe me, Max. You don’t want to go to Soren’s
你不会想去索伦的派对的
not knowing how to kiss.
那么 明天和闺蜜玩尽兴后
So, tomorrow, after you get some girl time,
不如过来和你的男人尽性吧
why don’t you come over for some man time?
不 我跟你说了这个周末要和莉莉出去玩
No, I told you I’m hanging out with Lily this weekend.
是啊 只是你不在的时候我很煎熬
Yeah, it’s just… You know, it’s hard for me not to see you,
因为你是我最好的朋友
’cause you’re my best friend.
但莉莉才是我最好的朋友
But Lily’s my best friend.
好的 我懂了 完完全全懂了
Yeah, I get it. Totally, totally get it.
或许我应该约我前女友玛格丽特
I’ll probably just hang out with my ex, Margaret.
你是想让我嫉妒吗
Are you trying to make me jealous?
不 怎么了 你嫉妒了吗
Uh, no. Why? Are you jealous?
这样做没有用的
Yeah, this isn’t working out.
我懂 你是什么货色 哪有资格对我甩脸色
I know. You’re not hot enough to be acting like this,
下一次在你想好男人都去哪了的时候
so the next time you’re wondering where all the nice guys went,
记得你在这里放走了一个
just remember that you let one walk right out the door.
什么
What?
我什么都没说
I didn’t say anything.
我再也不想见你了
I never want to see you again.
你没事吧
Are you okay?
等等 那个男的去哪了
Wait, where’d the guy go?
管他呢 女孩们抱在一起了
Who cares? The girls just hugged.