天才捕手（2016）

“他们之间由一道轨道隔开”
“Across the chasm of that room…
“那双湛蓝的眼睛”
“that blue, those eyes…
“将他吞噬 一扫而过 却从未在他身上停留”
“devoured him and looked past him and never saw him…
“也不会在他身上停留 他很确信这一点”
“and never would, of that he was sure.
“从那一刻起”
“From that moment…
“尤金终于明白”
“Eugene understood…
“这么多年来 那些诗歌♥的所言所感了”
“what the poets had been writing about these many years.
“这一刻 所有迷失 彷徨 孤独的灵魂之中 多了他一个”
“All the lost, wandering, lonely souls who were now his brothers.
“他爱上一个人 却明白自己永远无法拥有这份爱”
“He knew a love that would never be his.
“一切都发生得太快”
“So quickly did he fall for her…
“快到所有在他身边的人 都没听到任何声响”
“that no one in the room even heard the sound.
“爱神之箭射出时发出的嗖嗖声”
“The whoosh as he fell…
“以及他的心破碎时发出的龟裂声”
“the clatter of his broken heart.
“周围虽然还是一片宁静”
“It was a sure silence…
“但他的人生已然灰暗”
“but his life was shattered.”
章节完结
End of chapter.
你不喜欢吗？
You don’t like it?
我当然喜欢
You know I do.
但这不是重点
That’s not the point.
所以他是看见一个女孩
So he sees a girl…
然后就对她一见钟情了 对吗？
and he falls in love for the first time, yes?
当时他的脑海中有联想到海洋生物吗？
Does his mind go to deep-sea marine life?
那一刻是有的
At that moment, yes.
这一点有待考究
I don’t believe it.
我觉得你爱上的是所有的这些表象 而不是这个女孩
I think you fell in love with the images, not the girl.
所以要把动物学家 和雪茄都删掉
So we cut the zoology and the cigar brands.
– 好吧 – 粉色这个点再考虑一下？
– I’ll do it. – And the ruminations on pink?
不 不行！
No. No!
这些形容词都没用错 他就是以这种视角看问题的人
The adjectives are true. He’s a man who thinks that way.
粉色远不止这一个概念
Pink is never just pink.
它还代表其他很多的方面 而这些都是对塑造这个形象攸关重要的
It’s a thousand other things, all profoundly important to him.
都是他心理状态的一种反映
All variations on his psychological state.
每一个场景的描写 以及每一种声音都是很重要的
Every image and the sound of every word matters.
并不是
No, it doesn’t.
– 这些都是毫无意义的 – 它们非常重要！
– They’re vital! – Nonsense.
– 别自欺欺人了 – 很重要！
– Vital! – You’re losing the plot.
他恋爱了
He’s falling in love.
你第一次陷入爱河时 是怎样的感受 汤姆？
What was it like the first time you fell in love, Tom?
跟玉米秆似的黄色 还有浮夸的大衣有关吗？
Was it cornstalk yellow and pompous Chesterfields?
是像被闪电击中一般
It was a lightning bolt.
这就是恋爱的感觉啊 如闪电击中一样
And that’s what it should be, a lightning bolt.
闪电的声音就不用写了
Save all the thunder.
明白了
I got you.
明白了
I got you.
这个删掉
Cut that.
这个删掉
Cut that.
好了 把对衣物的描写都划了
All right. We cut the textile.
“他看见一个女人…”
“He saw a woman…”
删掉 删掉 删掉
Cut. Cut. Cut.
“但真正让他心跳加速 无法呼吸的”
“But it was her eyes that stopped his breath in his throat…
“是她那双迷人的眼睛”
“that made his heart leap up.”
不 别学华兹华斯
No, cut the Wordsworth.
“让他无法呼吸”
“It stopped his breath.”
– “蓝色的双眼…” – 把贝壳删掉
– “Blue they were…” – Cut the marine life.
– “蓝得动人 似大海般透彻” – 陈词滥调
– “A blue beyond blue, like the ocean.” – Cliche.
“蓝得清澈 就像…”
“A blue beyond blue like…”
蓝色就行了 不用比喻
Like nothing but blue.
“是一种让他愿意永远沉溺其中的蓝…”
“A blue he could swim into forever and never miss…”
恩 这句话删掉
Mmm, cut this.
后面接…
Then pick up with…
人世间有此等动人的蓝吗？有此等迷人的眼吗？
Had there ever been such blue? Had there ever been such eyes?
– 这里不需要用反问 – 为什么？
– Don’t need the rhetorical. – Why?
因为这样偏题了 它不是在描述恋爱的感觉
It’s not a lightning bolt. It’s a digression.
“蓝得…” 不！
“A blue beyond…” No!
她的眼睛是清澈的蓝
Her eyes were blue.
好多了
Better.
这里也删掉
And cut.
他一无是处 但是她就是他的全部
He was worthless. She was everything.
她就是一个从他眼前经过的女孩 这样就行了
That’s enough. She was a girl across a room. That’s enough.
所以“所有迷失 彷徨的灵魂…”这一句都不要了
And so, cut “the lost, wandering souls…”
删掉
Cut.
“这一切发生得太快”
“So quickly did he fall for her…
“快得连他周围的人 一点声响都没听见”
“that no one in the room even heard the sound…
“爱神之箭离弦的声音 他心碎的声音…”
“the whoosh as he fell, the clatter…”
嗖嗖声 哗啦声 这些东西有意义吗？
The whoosh, the clatter. Is that the point?
那你恋爱的时候会听见什么？
Well, what did you hear when you fell in love?
听见什么？哗啦声？
What did you hear? Clattering?
我想表达的重点 是他的心理活动
The point is it was all happening inside him.
他的人生在那一刻发生了改变
His life changed.
但是他周围的人都没注意到
No one else in the room noticed anything.
那就这么写啊
Then make that the point.
我讨厌删减内容！
I hate to see the words go!
也许我们可以换个角度看这个问题
Maybe the larger question is this.
在一本满是华丽辞藻的书中 如何才能使你描写的这段场景
In a book crowded with great rolling mountains of prose…
在所有内容之中凸显出来？
how is this moment profoundly different?
– 让它变得简单 – 不加修饰
– Because it’s simple. – Unadorned.
就像闪电一样
Like lightning.
在黑夜之中一闪而过 干脆且令人印象深刻
Standing out in the black sky by its starkness.
完全正确
Exactly.
天啊！
God damn!
请上车！
All aboard!
十二号♥线 前往西南方向的十二号♥线将马上发车
Track 12, Southwest trunk line now departing from Track 12.
“尤金看见一个女人”
“Eugene saw a woman.
“她的眼睛是清澈的蓝色”
“Her eyes were blue.
“他对她一见钟情”
“So quickly did he fall for her…
“那种恋爱的感觉突如其来 快到周围的人毫无察觉”
“that no one in the room even heard the sound.”
句号♥ 第四章结束
Period. End of Chapter Four.
还有九十八章就完成了！
Only 98 more to go!
我爱你 麦克斯·珀金斯！
I love you, Max Perkins!
…和弗朗西斯 尤金一起在巴黎
…with Francis and Eugene in Paris.
没错！想象你自己正在横跨大西洋
Exactly! As if you’re skipping across the Atlantic.
“这让尤金感到迷惑”
“Matching Eugene’s disorientation.”
他不知道 他们以后永远不会再见面 也不知道 她永远不会爱上他
He didn’t know that she would never see him, that her love would never be his.
他怎么可能知道？
How could he know that?
– 等一下 他知道 – 怎么知道的？
– Hold on, he did. – How?
“黄昏的太阳 似葡萄大小 绽放出微弱的光”
“The subtle grapy bloom of dusk.”
汤姆 我们说好用一句话 来连接删减部分前后的内容
Tom, we discussed a transition line. One line to bridge the cut.
但你给了我整整五十页新的内容 来讲这个医生
You’ve given me 50 new pages on the doctor.
上面描述了他的整个人生轨迹 还有他父亲的整个人生轨迹
You’ve given me his whole life story and his father’s whole life story.
– 我喜欢这个医生 – 我也是啊
– I like the doctor. – Well, so do I.
我也喜欢医生这个角色 但用得着五十页来写他吗？
I adore the doctor. But by God, 50 pages?
有些书本身就应该长篇大论 你知道吗？
Some books are supposed to be long, you know?
谢天谢地 托尔斯泰当年没遇见你
Thank Christ Tolstoy never met you.
不然他的小说里 应该就只剩战争场景了
We’d have that great novel War and Nothing.
作为一名作家 你必须学会取舍
To be a novelist, you have to select.
必须学会精雕细琢
You have to shape and sculpt.
为什么？
Why?
因为我们努力了整整两年 但这本书仅仅只削减了一百页的内容
Because we’ve been working for two years and the book is only 100 pages shorter.
我只需要五秒钟 让我安静一会儿！
Five goddamn seconds of peace is all I ask!
你就不能给我安静五秒吗？
Can’t you give me five goddamn seconds?
该死！
God damn!
这里只需要随笔带过就行了 汤姆 不用把所有细节都交代清楚
It’s the tip of the iceberg, Tom. You’re giving me the full iceberg.
所以你是说 这些都是垃圾 垃圾…
So you’re saying this is trash, this is trash…
你明明知道我不会来
You knew this was gonna happen.
为什么还要这么天真的做无用功？
Why are you playing all dewy-eyed ingenue?
因为我自以为已经非常了解你 知道你的所有缺点
Because I did not imagine, even taking you at your absolute worst…
但没想到你竟如此的自私
you could be so selfish.
我不能把我的工作丢在一边
I can’t turn my back on the work.
艾琳！
Aline!
那是我的工作啊 是我的梦想
It’s what I do. It’s my job.