怒犯天条（1999）

because he’s like in love with this John Hughes guy.
他主演的每一部电影艾伯特都租回来看
He goes out and rents every one ofhis movies.
他妈的 早餐俱乐部 就是讲一帮被扣住的愚蠢小鬼
Fucking Breakfast Club, where stupid kids actually show up for detention.
他妈的 摩登保姆 就是个娘们想被人扒光和上她
Fucking Weird Science, where this babe wants to undress and get down
可是 不 她没有 因为那是部PG级电影
but, oh, no, she don’t, because it’s a PG movie.
PG级电影表示儿童需有家长陪伴观看
还有 粉红女郎 我根本看不下去那个胖男人
And then Pretty in Pink, which I can’t watch with this tubby bitch anymore
因为当那个红头发钓到她的梦中情人后
because when the redhead hooks up with her dream guy
他就开始像个婊♥子♥似的哭哭啼啼
he starts sobbing like a little bitch with a skinned knee and shit.
再没什么比看一个胖男人做♥爱♥更糟的了
And there’s nothing worse than watching a fucking fat man weep.
你们到底来伊利诺伊州做什么
What exactly brought you to Illinois?
这些电影讲的都是伊利诺伊州一个叫薛莫的小镇
All these movies take place in this small town called Shermer, Illinois
那里的人都不错
where all the honeys are top-shelf but all the dudes are whiny pussies.
除了贾德·纳尔逊 他看起来他妈的让人不爽
Except for Judd Nelson. He was fucking harsh.
但是其中最好的是
But best of all
那儿没有人偷东西
there was no one dealing, man.
这个打动了我
Then it hits me. We could live like phat rats
我们就是薛莫的枢纽
if we were the blunt connection in Shermer, Illinois.
所以我们去收回了一些别人欠我们的钱
So we collected some money we were owed
然后搭了辆汽车
and caught a bus.
可你知道等我们到了后他妈的发现了什么吗
But you know what the fuck we found out when we got there?
伊利诺伊州根本就没有薛莫小镇这么个地方
There is no Shermer, Illinois.
电影他妈的都是在扯淡
Movies are fucking bullshit.
-你们什么时候回新泽西 -这娘们的问题还真多
-When are you going back to New Jersey? -This broad asks a lot of questions.
-明天 -明天
-Tomorrow. -Tomorrow.
没错 你玩肛♥交♥吗
Yeah. So you do anal?
听说那话儿插♥进♥肛♥门♥的时候会放屁 是不是真的啊
Is it true that chicks fart if you blast them in the ass?
我不是叫你们出来做♥爱♥的
I didn’t ask you out for sex.
我要啊
I’ll take head.
真是要命 我简直没法相信我会有这种想法
This is gonna sound really bad. I can’t believe I’m even thinking about this.
我想我得跟你们一起走
I think I should go with you.
你是说确定关系 你要做我的女朋友
Like steady? You wanna be my girlfriend?
好吧 不过沉默鲍伯得和我们一起住
All right, but Silent Bob gets to live with us
而且房♥租得你出
and you pay the rent.
不是 我是要和你们一起去新泽西
No. I wanna go with you to New Jersey.
真的
Really?
你们要引导我至某处
You’re going to lead me somewhere.
我引导你
Me lead you?
小姐 你看看我
Lady, look at me.
我甚至大半时间都不知道自己在什么地方混著呢
I don’t even know where I am half the time.
如果你不要和我们做♥爱♥
If we’re not gonna fuck,
那他妈的叫我们出来干嘛啊
then what the fuck did you ask us out for?
有人告诉我说我会和你们相遇
Someone told me I’d meet you
然后你们会带我去某个我该去的地方
and you’d take me someplace I was supposed to go.
你在瞎嘀咕什么啊
What the hell are you babbling about?
我们从那群发飙的小矮子手里救了你的小屁屁
We saved your ass from some angry fucking dwarves
现在却说我们该带你去个
and now we’re supposed to
连我们都不知道是哪里的地方
Take you somewhere as if we know where it is?
你相信上帝吗
Do you believe in God?
我靠 在那儿乱来
Holy fuck! All the fine, immoral bitches out in front place
耶苏就会出现
and we gotta get the one Jesus freak?
-他妈的我们走吧 -等等
-Let’s get the fuck out of here. -Wait.
-我要喊强♥奸♥了 -我可以付钱给你们
-I’ll scream rape. -I can pay you.
付钱
Pay?
一百块钱 雇你们做我的向导
A hundred bucks for being my guide.
反正你们也是要去泽西 我只是让你们顺带捎我一路
You were going to Jersey anyway. All I’m asking is to tag along.
以上均为电影 星球大战 中的人物
感觉好像我是韩·索罗
I feel like Han Solo,
你是丘伊 她是本·肯诺比
you’re Chewie, and she’s Ben Kenobi
我们就在那个酒吧里面
and we’re in that fucked-up bar!
那性方面怎么办
What about sex?
与性无关
No sex.
比如说我们陷入一种状况 只剩五分钟可活
Let’s say we’re caught in a situation where we have five minutes left to live.
有炸♥弹♥或是什么东西要发射之类的
A bomb or something’s gonna go off.
那时候你会和我们做♥爱♥吗
Would you fuck us then?
在那种极为不可能发生的状况下
In that highly unlikely situation?
好吧 我会
Yeah, sure.
她真是个懒人
She’s a slut.
好吧
All right.
但是得我开车
But I get to drive.
你挂了几档
What gear are you in?
几档
Gear?
我怎么知道什么换档
What do I know about shifting?
好像我以前还真开过车似的
Like I ever drove before.
印第安纳州 俄亥俄州 宾夕法尼亚州
Indiana, Ohio, Pennsylvania
新泽西州
New Jersey.
也许你在屠♥杀♥这件事上搞错了
Maybe you’re wrong about this slaughter thing.
你怎么能够确定这些日子以来
How can you be sure
是有什么来承担主的怒火的 时代在变
what incurs the Lord’s wrath these days? Times change.
我记得以前在礼拜五吃肉就足以下地狱了
I remember eating meat on a Friday used to be a Hell-worthy trespass.
主罪永不会变
The major sins never change.
另外 我能感觉到一里开外的地方有位 破戒者
Besides, I can spot a commandment-breaker from a mile away.
要不要打赌
Bet on it.
这是那个现在还欠著我十块钱赌债的家伙寄来的
This from the guy who still owes me ten bucks over that bet
那次我们是赌哪部电影会更火
about which was gonna be the bigger movie
是 E.T 还是 狂热教授
ET or Krush Groove.
靠 兄弟 时间会证明一切的
Fuck you, man, ’cause time’s gonna tell on that one.
你是不是以为我在损你啊
Are you insinuating that I don’t have what it takes anymore?
暗损 没有啊
Insinuating, no.
是明著告诉你
Flat-out telling you.
那边 就有一个
Right there. There’s one.
怎么了 他们在接吻
So? They’re kissing.
是婚外情
Adultery.
-婚外情 -婚外情
-Adultery? -Adultery.
你真是个头脑简单的家伙
You are just a simple creature.
-我说得不对吗 -我碰巧知道真♥相♥
-Am I right? -I happen to know the truth.
但我不会告诉你的 我想看看你是怎么发现的
I’m not gonna tell you. I want to see how boned up on the job you are.
-你有什么证据 -他戴著结婚戒指
-What’s your proof? -He’s wearing a wedding band.
但你没想过说不定她就是他妻子吗
And it never occurred to you that maybe she’s his wife?
结了婚的男人不会那样吻妻子的
No married man kisses his wife like that.
好吧 幸好你从来没做过
Okay. It’s a good thing you were never
陪审团的成员 我只想说这个
the deciding member on a jury is all I’m saying.
结了婚的男人不会那样吻妻子的 你是呆子啊
No married man kisses his wife like that? Are you stoned?
不好意思
Excuse me.
你结婚了吗
Are you married?
干嘛
Why?
我只是好奇
I’m just curious.
你以为呢
What do you think?
-又怎么了 -跟她
-What? -To her?
-什么 -你是跟她结的婚吗
-What? -Are you married to her?
虽然他妈的不关你的事 但是不是
Not that it’s any of your fucking business, but no.
怎么了
Why?
谁的房♥子
Whose house
Run的房♥子
Run’s house
我说谁的房♥子
I said, whose house
朗的房♥子
Run’s house
谁的房♥子 说
Whose house Say what
朗的房♥子 还要说什么
Run’s house Say what
马丁
Martin
妈的 她一定是喝多了 老大
She’s fucking pissed, dude.
到现在她都没跟我们做过爱
She’s never gonna fuck us now.
或许跟你做了 但绝对没跟我做
Maybe you, but definitely not me.
告诉我她怎么样啊
Let me know how she is.
我不会跟任何人做♥爱♥ 你明白了
Nobody is fucking me! You got that?
我不知道我当时在餐厅里是怎么想的
I don’t know what I was thinking in that diner.
但我已经决定回家 不去新泽西了
But being that I’ve decided to go home, and not to New Jersey.
抱歉打扰你们了 再见
Sorry for the inconvenience and good-bye.
你要和我们分手了
You’re breaking up with us?
见鬼了 你以为你是谁啊 小姐
Who the hell do you think you are, lady?
你不能像这样到处去伤人的心啊
You can’t just go around breaking people’s hearts like that!
我爱上你了 我们爱上你了
I fell in love with you! We fell in love with you!
像我们这样的男人不会他妈的从天上掉下来