怒犯天条（1999）

Excuse me.
来吧
Fill them pews, people.
这就是重点 把一些小孩子也拉进来
That’s the key. Grab the little ones as well.
趁他们还小的时候就抓住他们
Hook them while they’re young.
-很像烟草业的做法 -如果我们有他们的数目
-Kinda like the tobacco industry. -Christ, if only we had their numbers.
真的很感谢您在这么晚的时候还愿意接见我们
We really appreciate you seeing us this late in the day,
主教大人
Your Eminence.
我和我的朋友们赶了一夜的路
My friends and I have been traveling all night
就是希望能够和您谈一下
in hope of talking to you
关于圣米迦勒教堂的赦罪典礼
about the St. Michael’s rededication ceremony.
你们是想来帮些忙
You looking to help out in some way?
我们希望您能够取消这次典礼
We’d like you to cancel the ceremony.
请再说一遍
I beg your pardon.
如果明天的典礼仍然按计划进行的话
There’s gonna be a world of trouble
全世界将会有大♥麻♥烦
if tomorrow’s ceremony goes on as planned.
你们是堕胎支持者
Are you pro-choice?
不不 要惹麻烦的不是我们
The trouble’s not from us.
而是两个因有罪而被贬入人间的堕天使
It’s from these renegade angels that’ve been stuck on Earth since the plagues.
这两个家伙 以为他们自己是堕天使
These guys, they think they’re renegade angels.
瞧 神父 事情是这样的
See, Padre, it goes down like this.
这两个家伙以为穿过那扇拱门可以让他们上天堂
These guys think that by passing through that archway, they can go to Heaven.
因为这个原因 你就想叫我取消典礼
You want me to call off the ceremony for that.
谁派你们来的
Who sent you?
我们是被叫做 就是我 送来
We were sent by Him who is called I Am!
有趣 真的很有趣
Cute. Really cute.
游戏时间结束
Playtime with the cardinal is over.
-为摩斯作 -不要进来
-Worked for Moses. -Stay out of this.
这不是开玩笑
It’s not a joke.
我告诉你 这次的典礼是个大错误
I’m telling you, man, this ceremony’s a big mistake.
天主教堂不会犯错
The Catholic Church does not make mistakes.
拜托 那教堂对奴隶交易的默许又怎么说
Please! What about the Church’s silent consent of the slave trade?
还有二战对犹太人的大屠♥杀♥时那事不关己的态度
And its platform of noninvolvement during the Holocaust?
好吧 是犯过错
All right, mistakes were made.
但你不能因为这些往日的过失
But one can hardly hold the current incarnation of Holy Mother Church
就谴责圣母教堂
responsible for the oversights of old.
我可是个大人物 有很多大事在等著我处理
I’m a very important man with important matters that demand my attention
所以如果能请你们
so if you please,
-可是明天 -明天一切都会顺利进行
-But tomorrow, -Tomorrow goes off without a hitch.
我的意思够明白了吧
Do I make myself clear?
不论是你们还是其他的什么人 除非是上帝本人
Neither you nor any other influence short of the hand of God Himself
都无法干扰到这件事的顺利进行
is gonna keep this thing from going off without a hitch.
欢迎来到新泽西州
我现在可以想见到报纸的头条标题了
I can see the headlines now
如果那时还能有报纸的话
if there were gonna be any.
万物俱灭
Existence Erased.
别担心 目前我们两方比分相当
Don’t worry about it. We evened the score.
把东西拿给我 沉默鲍伯
Hand it over, Silent Bob.
怎么样
What up.
你偷了主教的高尔夫球长打棒
You stole the cardinal’s driver?
谁叫他要惹到我们的女朋友
That’s what he gets for messing with our girlfriend.
她妈的
Cross-dressing fuck.
还真是体贴啊 谢了 小伙子们
That’s sort of sweet. Thanks, guys.
现在我们该拿巴特比和洛基怎么办
What do we do now about Bartleby and Loki?
我猜我们得试试杀了他们
I guess we’re gonna have to try and kill them.
-你说过他们是杀不死的 -更正
-You said they couldn’t be killed. -Correction.
他们不会被杀
They won’t be killed.
为了确保这一点 我们大家都得在这里
And just to ensure that, we’re all gonna sit tight
乖乖地坐好
right here
直到那两个傻瓜穿过那扇拱门
until those two idiots pass through that arch.
这儿只有一个傻瓜 死神
There’s only one idiot here, Azrael
就在我的眼前
and I’m looking right at him.
缪斯
Muse!
正好能来跟我们喝一杯
Just in time to join us for a drink.
你是打哪儿来的
Hey. Where’d you come from?
-你打哪儿来的 -我吗
-Where’d you come from? -Me?
虚无之处
Nothingness.
那也是我要回去的地方 就在大概 一小时后
And that’s where I’m returning to in approximately, oh, one hour.
好吧 柏拉图 看来你已经喝得够多的了
All right, Plato, sounds like you’ve had enough already.
-快走吧 -该死
-Let’s go. -Oh, darn it!
拜托 伙计 就一杯 就喝一杯
Come on, barkeep, just one drink.
我就走 行了吧
One for the road, then I’m gone?
我一直在找你们
I was trying to find you
想告诉你们说我已经发现了这一切的幕后主使者是谁
to tell you I figured out who was behind all this.
是不是我所想到的那家伙
Is that who I think it is?
-还能有谁 -他是谁
-None other than. -Who is he?
好吧 就一杯 然后你就得离开这儿
All right, one drink. Then you’re gone.
我要一份
Give me a
圣调酒师
Holy Bartender.
没听过
Never heard of it.
他不懂怎么调圣调酒师
He doesn’t know how to make a Holy Bartender.
你知道的 对吧 缪斯
You do, Don’t you, Muse?
不知道
Don’t.
有人知道吗
Anybody?
没有吗
No?
我知道怎么调圣调酒员
Well, I know how to make a Holy Bartender.
知道了
Get it?
仁慈的主啊 死神 为什么
Sweet Jesus, Azrael! Why?
来啊 魔鬼 试试对一个死人也来这招啊
Come on, Demon! Try that shit on somebody who’s already dead!
门徒 你要还是这种态度的话
Oh, Apostle, you maintain that kind of an attitude
这个房♥间里可就会不止你和那个酒吧伙计两个死人了
and you and the barkeep won’t be the only corpses in the room.
基♥督♥那娘们也会成为你们中的一个
The Christ bitch will join you.
你真的有那么蠢吗
Are you really that stupid?
你明明知道如果那两个呆瓜进了那间教堂会有什么后果
You do know what’s gonna happen if those two jerks enter that church.
事实上我正期待著呢
I’m actually counting on it.
如果我的计算无误的话
And if my calculations are correct
在我们说话的当儿 那两个小卒就快把王将死了
the pawns are moving into checkmate as we speak.
圣调酒师 我懂了 太酷了
Holy Bartender. I get it. That’s a great one!
我也很高兴地告诉大家
I’d also like to acknowledge
这位杰出的州政♥府♥官员 伊丽莎白·达尔顿
this great state’s governor, Elizabeth Dalton
今早也来到了会场
for coming this morning.
基♥督♥教为宗教改革时由天主教脱离出的新教 两方关系不和
她是名基♥督♥教♥徒♥ 但我们不会因此就排斥她
She’s a Protestant, but we’re not gonna hold that against her.
现在 让我来告诉你们一些有关这间特别的
Now, let me just tell you a little bit of history about this particular
度过了百年岁月的上帝住所的历史
hundred-years-young house of God.
上帝的住所
God’s house?
上帝可不再住在这儿了
God doesn’t live here anymore.
主已经对你们这种肤浅的信仰感到厌倦了
He’s grown weary of your superficial faith.
主不再聆听你们这些只会在口头上祈祷的家伙了
He’s turned a deaf ear to your lip-service prayers.
主遗弃了你们 他最爱的人类
He has abandoned you, his favorites.
让你们沉浸在审判的幻想之中
to the whim of judgment.
伪君子们 骗子们
Hypocrites, charlatans
准备感受上帝的怒火吧
prepare to taste God’s wrath.
-也许我们还是应该走人吧 -你想等死的话 随你
-Maybe we should just leave. -You wanted your body count. You got it.
这些家伙们都有罪 我们要对他们所有人进行审判
This lot is rife with sin. We’ll judge them all.
麦基警官
Officer McGhee.
好了 发言人
All right, mouthpiece.
别骚扰这位和蔼的主教了 让我们去兜风吧
Let’s leave the nice cardinal alone and go for a ride.
麦基先生 不要惹火我
Mr. McGhee, don’t make me angry.
你可不会喜欢我生气的样子
You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.
是嘛
Is that so?
女士们 先生们
Ladies and gentlemen
你们因为对我们的万能上帝有异议而被判定为有罪
you have been judged as guilty of violations against our Almighty God
就在今天
and this very day
我向你们保证 你们全部都要为你们的罪行付出
I assure you you will all pay for your trespasses
血的代价
in blood.
-展开翅膀 现在 -我觉得这有点过太招摇了
-Wings. Now. -I’m feeling a little exposed here.
照做
Do it!
-所以他也是名缪斯 -曾经是
-So he’s a muse too? -Former muse.
他被踢出去了
He was kicked out.
曾经是该死的擦苹果的人
Ever the fucking apple polisher.
然后出什么事了
Then what happened?
是啊 怎么了