疯狂店员2（2006）

说我是个丑陋的 优柔寡断的废物？
what an ugly,
indecisive loser I am?
(laughs)
拜托 你在“小歇便利店”
Come on, you worked
at Quick Stop
工作了10年
for, like, a decade,
在这儿也差不多一年了
and you’ve been here
for a year almost,
在做上这两份工作的第一天
and since day one at both jobs,
你都在说要走出去
all you’ve ever said
is how you needed
开始新的生活
to get out
and start your life.
直到一天艾玛走进来对你说
And it wasrt until Emma walked
through the door and was,
“跟我去佛州吧”
like, “Come down
to Florida with me,
“我会把我♥干♥到精尽而亡”
“and I’ll fuck your brains out,
“我爸爸会给你份工作”
and my daddy will give you
a job, and blah-blah,”
直到这时 你才有所行动
that you actually went
and did something about it.
我明白…
And I get it… it’s…
她就是你的金饭碗
she’s your golden ticket, dude.
呃…
So, uh…
…你呢？
…what’s that make you?
我只是曾经有一次打烊后
I’m just the girl who fucks
ugly, indecisive losers
跟一个丑陋的优柔寡断的男人做♥爱♥的女人
in the kitchen
once this place is closed.
那就是我
(whispers):
That’s me.
(laughing)
DJ:
That’s something for
the lovers out there.
J-RAM Radio.
Right around high noon…
我们不会再提起那件事情了吧？
So, we’re never gonna talk
about it, are we?
有什么好说的呢？
What is there to say?
你后悔吗？
Do you regret it?
你呢？
Do you?
我后悔是在厨房♥的案板上
I regret that it was
on the prep station table.
你还后悔呢…
Yeah, you regret it…
you werert the one
你有没在下面弄得满是蛋黄酱
who got mayo in your cooch.
(both laughing)
你要我说什么？
What do you want me to say?
我们都喝醉了？
We were drunk, you know?
无心之过
It just kind of happened.
算你走运
You’re just lucky
我不是你女朋友那种一夫一妻主义者
I’m not one of those monogamists
like your girlfriend.
否则我就要尽力把你留在新泽西了
Otherwise, I might try
to make you stay in Jersey.
如果有人能留下我 那就只有你
If anyone could do it,
it’d be you.
哥们 你老婆找你
Dude, your old lady’s out here
looking for you.
(door creaks)
好吧
(whispers):
Yeah.
跟我出去 我有给惊喜给你
Come outside with me.
I’ve got a surprise for you.
就是这个吗？
That’s my surprise?
不是
No.
# 再见 马儿… #
# Goodbye, horses… #
嘿
Hey.
哦
Oh.
呃…
So, um…
你在找变形金刚都网站吗？
are you looking for
a good Transformers site?
如果去CarsToBots. Com
Because at CarsToBots. Com,
你可以弄到一个
you can get an avatar
用你的照片修改成机器人的头像
that’s your picture
morphed to look like a robot.
拜托
Come on, man.
你晓得只有在有女孩子在旁边的时候
You know I only surf
Transformers sites
我才会去逛变形金刚的网站
让她们看看我有多酷
when there’s girls around,
so they can see how cool I am.
那你在干什么？
So what are you doing then?
我在帮丹堤先生准备送行的礼物
Trying to secure a going away
present for Mr. Dante.
真的吗？
Really?
送亚玟的宝剑怎么样？
Well, how about
an Arwen sword replica?
什么？
What?
呃…
Uh…
我觉得既有意义而且切实可行
‘Cause it’s, like,
thoughtful and practical.
我在考虑更为性感的东西
I was thinking of something
a little more sexy.
还有什么比精灵公主的宝剑更性感？
Well, what’s sexier than
an elf princess’s sword?
驴子秀
A donkey show.
什么玩意儿？
What’s that?
你有没有看过女孩给骡子口♥交♥？
You ever see a chick
give a mule a blow job?
哦 没有…！
(screeching):
Oh, no…!
嘘…！
Shh…!
老天！
Jesus!
你要是坏我的好事 我就把你的头拧下来
If you spoil this,
I’m gonna brain you.
你能保密吗？
You gonna keep your mouth shut?
能
(muffled):
Yes.
天哪
God.
那是兽♥交♥啊 蓝道
That’s bestiality, Randal.
希望是最好的
At its finest, I hope.
谁要看那种东西？
Who’d want to see
something like that?
我 丹堤还有你
Me, Dante, you.
我才不要看呢
I don’t want to see
something like that.
你为什么要看那么恶心的东西？
Why would you want to see
something like that?
因为有搞头
Because it’s fucked up.
我想晓得
And I want to see
含了一嘴驴子精♥液♥的女孩会不会吞下去
if a chick with a mouthful
of donkey spunk swallows.
有了
All right, here we go.
“怪怪凯莉与性感种驴”
“Kinky Kelly and the Sexy Stud.
“从提哇纳的首演开始”
“Straight from
their dirty debut in Tijuana,
“凯莉正在世界巡回演出”
“Kelly’s taking it on the road.
“应该说是用屁♥眼♥在演出”
Taking it in the ass, that is.”
这么精彩的文字游戏真应该得奥斯卡奖
You got to give it up for Oscar
Wilde-like wordplay that good.
有照片吗？
Do they show pictures?
只有一张
怪怪凯莉给擎天柱口♥交♥的照片
Only one of Kinky Kelly
sucking off Optimus Prime.
真的吗？
Really?
Ow.
把你的手♥机♥借给我
Let me borrow your cell phone.
哇
Whoa.
只有在遇到紧急情况的时候
Well, ’cause, I’m only
supposed to use it
我才能用来打给我父母
to call my parents
in case of an emergency.
现在就是紧急情况
This is an emergency.
我们必须把怪怪凯莉
今晚的表演敲定下来
We got to lock up
Kinky Kelly for tonight,
我们要给丹堤先生一个难忘的送别
so we can give Mr. Dante
a memorable send-off.
你喜欢丹堤先生的 对吧？
You love Mr. Dante, don’t you?
不是同性恋的那种
In a non-gay way.
那就把手♥机♥给我
Then give me your phone.
因为丹堤先生自己不会去看驴子秀
‘Cause Mr. Dante’s never
seen a donkey show.
在他搬去佛州结婚之前
And it’d be nice to give
him this before he goes off
让他看上一场就是做好事
to Florida and gets married and
does all those other things
等他去了佛州