疯狂店员2（2006）

会赶小霍比人出去
the little hobbits
to take a walk
扑向弗罗多
so he could saunter
over to Frodo
去舔他的老二
and suck his fuckir cock.
这才是配得上奥斯卡奖的结尾
Now, that would’ve been
an Academy Award-won’thy ending.
嘿 基佬 他们不是同性恋
他们是霍比人
Hey, faggot, they’re not gay.
They’re hobbits.
等他们互相舔完之后
And then right after
the Sam-Frodo suckfest,
演职员表将要出现之前
right before the credits roll,
山姆就一下子喷在了弗罗多嘴里
Sam fucking flat-out bricks
in Frodo’s mouth.
我发誓…
I swear…
去你♥妈♥的♥！
Fuck you!
我嘲笑一个魔戒迷太过于厉害
(laughs): I made fun of
Lord of the Rings so hard,
他吐得柜台上到处都是
it made some super-geek puke
all over the counter.
拖把和桶在哪儿？
Where do we keep
the mop and bucket
我让伊赖亚斯收拾干净
so I can have
Elias clean it up?
跟其他清洁设备一起在储藏间
In the closet with the rest
of the cleaning products.
我们有清洁设备吗？
We have cleaning products?
(light jazz playing
over radio)
什么味道这么怪？
Why does it smell so weird
in here?
再见
Buh-bye.
我会看着你的
I’m on to you.
你晓得等你走了 没人保护他
You know he’s not
gonna make it here long
他肯定待不久的
once you’re not here to protect
him anymore, don’t you?
是你在鼓励他
Well, you’re the one out
there encouraging him,
鼓吹“ATM”
advocating ass to mouth.
我没有鼓吹 你这个假正经
I wasrt advocating it,
you big prude.
我只是说偶尔为之也无可厚非
I just said it was fine
once in a while.
如果艾玛让你这么做你还不做？
Like you wouldn’t do it
if Emma told you to.
当然不！
(scoffs):
Christ, no!
我以为爱无所不为
Oh, I thought love
knew no bounds.
呃 有点恶心是不是？
Ew. That came off
kind of catty, didn’t it?
是的 像白天的肥皂剧
A little daytime soapish, yeah.
抱歉
I’m sorry.
我也不晓得为什么脱口而出
I don’t know why I said that.
我实际上还是喜欢艾玛的
I actually kind of like Emma.
我也是
So do I.
所以你们才要结婚！
So that’s why
you’re getting married!
我等不及要看你订婚呢
I can’t wait until
you get engaged,
我就可以像你现在这样开你的玩笑了
so I can bust your balls as
hard as you’ve busted mine.
那你要久等了 先生
You’re going to be waiting
a long time, sir.
没错 我忘记了
Oh, that’s right.
I forgot.
你是冷血的冰山公主
You’re the cold-hearted
ice princess
你不相信婚姻
that doesn’t believe
in marriage.
我不是说你做得不对
I’m not saying that
it’s not all right for you,
不过 我觉得
but, yes, I do think
婚姻有违人的原始天性
that marriage goes
against our primal nature.
被爱？
To be loved?
随心所欲做♥爱♥…
To fuck as much as possible…
到处播撒种子
以免物种灭绝
spread the seed around
and keep the species going.
电影里面跟贺卡上面写的那些东西
And all that shit
they feed us in the movies
都只是为了宣传
and greeting cards
is just propaganda
骗我们结婚生子 让经济正常运行
to get us to marry, have kids
and keep the economy going.
结婚有很多商机
Marriage is just
the keystone to economics.
你真是个蠢姑娘
You’re such a sappy girl.
你是想告诉我
– Mm.
– Are you trying to tell me
你不相信爱 贝克菈？
you don’t believe in love,
Beckalah?
爱情
In romantic love,
不相信
no.
我爱我的父母
Like, I love my parents.
我爱我的车 我爱你
I love my car.
I love you.
但爱情 心和鲜花
But romantic love,
hearts and flowers,
“这世上只有一个人与你是天作之合”？
“There’s only one person
out there for me”?
拜托 晓得世界上有多少人吗？
Come on, you know how many
people there are out there?
比跟你结婚的人
Odds are there’s always going
to be someone who’s
a better match for you
更加适合你的人多得是
than the person
you end up marrying.
根据你的理论
So based on your theory,
有比艾玛更适合我的人咯
there’s someone out there
better for me than Emma.
哦 那个我不便置评
Oh, no,
I’m not touching that one.
等等
Wait a second.
你觉得我不是真的爱她？
You don’t think
I really love her?
我觉得…
(sighs):
I think…
你爱她所代表的
you love what she represents.
是什么呢…？
Which is…?
她那种女孩 在高中时候
Come on, Dante, she was
the girl who wouldn’t give you
根本都不会正眼瞧你
the time of day
back in high school.
等几年后 她在外面玩累了
And years later,
after she’s played the field
发现那些虚有其表的男人并不能满足她
and realized how unsatisfying
the so-called “hotties” are,
她最终就会找上那些长得…
she’s finally gone
with someone who looks…
老天
Oh, my God,
你是要说“丑毙了”是吗？
you’re gonna say
“fugly,” aren’t you?
不是传统意义上的丑！
Unconventional!
变得好快啊
Ah, nice backpedal.
谢谢
Thank you.
(laughs)
她用了很多年
It took her a few years
才最终懂得所有母亲教给女儿的真理
to finally figure out
that thing
that every mother tries
to teach their little girl
当然只有靠自己才会真正明白
but she has to learn on her own,
那就是长得像你这样的男人更有价值
and that’s that guys
that look like you
因为你们比长得比你们漂亮的男人
have a lot more to offer,
because you’ll always
要更加努力
try harder than the pretty boy.
我成什么了 丑陋的流浪汉吗？
What am I, some hideous
fucking CHUD over here?
不 你是个值得猎取的人…某种程度上
(laughs):
No, you’re a catch… kind of.
艾玛也是
And Emma’s a catch, too.
不仅仅是因为她漂亮…
‘Cause not only
is she pretty, but…
她还能事事帮你做决定
she’ll make all your decisions
for you.
对你来说非常幸运
因为你这个人很是优柔寡断
Which is lucky,
because you’re pretty terrible
at making decisions.
我的最后一天 你就是要不停揶揄我
So my last day
is all about you telling me