疯狂店员2（2006）

turned into a couple of
years a little too quickly.
不过 希克斯 我们可以坐在这里
But, Hicks, we can sit here
东拉西扯 说你的最后一天
making small talk
about your last day
说你走了 我该怎么办
and what it is I’m going
to do once you’re gone,
我们也可以像平时一样
or we can treat this
like any other workday.
Ding-a-ling-a-ling!
(chuckling)
蓝道
Randal.
统治世界的魔戒
One ring to rule them all.
你有没有想过为什么
没有女孩子愿意跟你上♥床♥
And you wonder why no chick’ll
let you stick your cock in her.
从来没想过
I never wondered that.
因为你早就接受
Yeah, ’cause you’ve accepted
the fact
你永远都泡不到妞
that you’ll never get a chick
a long time ago.
只要我愿意 再容易不过了
I could get a chick if I wanted.
你开玩笑吗？
(laughs):
Who are you kidding?
你才不会有机会呢 可怜虫
You can’t get a chick, you mook.
你既怪诞又可悲
You’re too weird and sad.
女孩们让我左拥右抱我都还不要呢
I turn down chicks
left and right.
你左拥右抱的是你两颗卵蛋吧
Your chicks are
your “left” and “right.”
才怪 你根本不知道
Yeah, right.
What do you know?
我晓得你是个大呆子
Uh, I know
you’re a huge fuckir nerd
没有那个女孩喜欢呆头鹅
of Potsie-like proportions,
and no chicks dig nerds,
特别是喜欢《魔戒》的呆头鹅
especially nerds that are
into Lord of the Rings.
(laughs quietly)
女孩也喜欢《魔戒》蓝道
Chicks dig Lord of the Rings,
Randal.
是啊 那种女孩
Yeah. The kind of chicks
喜欢精灵和剑的女孩
that are into swords
and elves and shit,
我才不愿意用我的刚多火炬操她们呢
and I wouldn’t fuck them
with the Torch of Gondor.
你真恶心！
Oh, you’re so gross!
(door moos electronically)
嘿
Hey, man.
欢迎 需要点什么？
Welcome to Mooby’s.
May I take your order?
嗯…
Yeah, um…
我看看
let’s see.
给我一杯美味牛奶饮料
Give me one Udderly
Delicious Moo-ilk Shake,
连皮牛肉和一份洋葱圈 谢谢
Skinny Calf and an order
of onion rings. Thanks.
(register beeping)
“魔戒全属至尊御”
“One ring to rule them all.”
(register beeping)
“至尊指引诸魔”
“One ring to find them.”
老天
Oh, Jesus.
“至尊魔戒唤众戒”
“One ring to bring them all.”
“众戒归一黑暗中”
“And in the darkness bind them.”
哥们！
Yes! Dude!
看了几遍？
How many times?
第一部看了三遍
Well, um, three
for Fellowship,
第二部两遍
two for Towers,
第三部看了4遍
four for Return.
《王者归来》我看了5遍
Five for Return.
哥们！
Dude!
好吧
All right, look,
只有一个《王者回归》
there’s only one Return, okay,
不是什么国王…
而是绝地武士
and it ain’t of the king…
it’s of the Jedi.
哦 《星战》白♥痴♥
Oh, Star Wars geek.
我是白♥痴♥？
Oh, I’m the geek?
看看你俩 一人一个宝贝戒指
Look at you two,
whipping out your preciouses.
请你原谅他
You’ll have to excuse him.
他不喜欢那三部曲
He’s not “down”
with the trilogy.
这个世界是怎么了？
Oh, what the fuck happened
to this world?
世上只有唯一的三部曲
There’s only one trilogy,
你们这些该死的白♥痴♥
you fucking morons.
跟你说
You know what?
也许我们该叫你的朋友“阿米达拉女王”
Maybe we should start
calling your friend Padme,
因为他喜欢天行者的模型
because he loves
Mannequin Skywalker
朝思暮想 对吗？
so much, right?
“危险 危险”
(robotic monotone):
“Danger, danger.
“我的名字叫安纳金”
“My name is Anakin.
“看看我 就晓得什么是失败”
My shitty acting
is ruining saga.”
是啊 你疯了
(chuckles): Yeah.
Yeah, you’re crazy, Jar-Jar.
我疯了？
Oh, I’m crazy?
那些个霍比人的电影烂透了
Those fucking hobbit movies
were boring as hell.
说的就是一帮人在走路
All it was
was a bunch of people walking.
整整三部电影说的就是一帮人去火山
Three movies of people walking
to a fuckir volcano.
第一部是这样
Here’s the first movie.
第二部是这样
And here’s the second movie.
他讲得一点都不对 废物
He is way off. Loser.
准备好看第三部了吗？
You ready for the third movie?
(sighs)
该死的混♥蛋♥
Fuckir A.
甚至电影里面树都在走
Even the fuckir trees walked
in those movies.
跟你说？
You know what?
我受够你了
I’ve had enough of you.
谁会认可你的简单化分♥析♥
Your simplistic analysis
of the trilogy aside,
《魔戒》取得巨大成功
The Lord of the Rings
was a massive achievement that
连奥斯卡评委都认可
even the Academy recognized
他们把最佳导演奖给了彼得·杰克逊…
when they gave Peter Jackson
the Best Directing Oscar…
而你的玩具小朋友乔治·卢卡斯从没得过
an award your little friend
George “Toy Boy” Lucas has never
也永远得不到
and will never win.
来一下
Bones.
哦 蠢驴
Oh, sick burn.
我告诉你
Let me tell you something.
如果彼得·杰克逊真想
If Peter Jackson
really wanted to blow me away
用《魔戒》征服我
他就应该
with those “Rings” movies,
he would’ve ended the third one
以合乎逻辑的方式结束第三部
on the logical closure point,
而不是现在那个无聊的结尾
not the 25 endings
that followed.
合乎逻辑的结尾是什么？
What’s the logical
closure point?
是啊 朋友
Yeah, friend,
说来听听
enlighten us.
当那个白♥痴♥从昏迷中醒过来
When fucking Frito wakes up from
his little coma or whatever,
发现小霍比人在他床上蹦来蹦去
and the little hobbits are
jumping up and down on his bed,
山姆靠在在门框上
and Sam leans in the doorway
用基佬的眼神看着他
and gives him
that very fuckir gay look.
别说了 蓝道
ELIAS:
Not the Rings, Randal.
你说耶酥都不要紧
Say what you will about Jesus,
求你别说《魔戒》
but leave the Rings out of this.
我要把你踢回夏尔
I am gonna kick your ass
back to the Shire
如果你还不闭嘴的话
if you don’t
shut your fuckir mouth.
那眼神如此放荡 我觉得山姆
That look was so gay,
I thought Sam was gonna tell