疯狂店员2（2006）

And?
呃… 你也晓得
Well… I mean, as you know,
我的网名叫擎天柱（无敌铁牛）
my online handle
is Optimus Prime.
我晓得
I know that.
I wish I didn’t.
不仅真人变形金刚开拍
Well, so not only is it awesome
让我感到高兴
that there’s gonna be a
live-action Transformers movie,
等电影上映后
but I’m, like,
positioned or whatever
你想想 我可能拥有
with the best possible
Net handle and e-mail address
最热门的网名和电邮地址
for when the movie comes out.
哦 你就会大受小骚B的欢迎了
Oh, you’re gonna be rolling
in the pussy, man.
你太恶心了
Don’t be gross.
跟自己老妈热吻的人
Says the guy
who was just playing
居然也说别人恶心
tonsil hockey with his mother.
丹堤先生！
Mr. Dante!
别去骚扰伊赖亚斯 蓝道！
Leave Elias alone, Randal!
别看他的小鸡鸡
Don’t look at his wee-wee.
哥们 变形金刚烂死了
Dude, the Transformers sucked.
哦 才不是呢
Oh, no, they didn’t.
他们才没有那么简单呢
They were more
than meets the eye.
(scoffs)
他们随时都能把
危机突击队打个稀巴烂
They could beat the pants
off Ranger Danger any day.
是啊 想着你那句话的正确性
Yeah. I’ll lose sleep wondering
whether you’re right
我恐怕会失眠了
– about that or not.
– Ow.
你是基♥督♥徒 我猜想
I thought you werert even
allowed to watch a lot of TV
你父母可能都不怎么让你看电视
in your house ’cause you’re all
Christian and shit.
他们发现小汽车和卡车
Well, as it turns out,
cars and trucks
变成…
that turn into…
机器人并不会亵渎神明
robots aren’t really
that blasphemous,
因为我的牧师说
because my pastor says
一种机器会有可能变成另一种机器
that machines can turn
into other machines,
所以并不是对上帝不敬的诡计
and it’s not a sleight
against God.
变形金刚当然是对上帝不敬的诡计
Transformers were
a total sleight against God,
因为上帝让他唯一的儿子
inasmuch as God sent
His only begotten son
死在十字架上以拯救人类
to die on the cross
to redeem mankind,
而我们回报他的
and all we did to pay him back
居然是制♥作♥变形金刚这样的该死动画
was make terrible fucking
can’toons like the Transformers.
射得很准
Nice shot.
在圣经研习班的时候
我们画了一个流程图…
Well, ’cause at Bible camp,
we made this flow chart which…
我是说
I mean, I don’t know,
在某种程度上证明了…
kind of, like, proved
or whatever that…
好吧…
Well, okay…
圣经研习班？！
Bible camp?!
既然上帝创造了…
Since God created…
既然上帝创造了人类
Since God created man,
人类创造了变形金刚…
and man created
the Transformers…
…所以变形金刚也是上帝的馈赠 蓝道
…the Transformers are like
a gift from God, Randal.
不 不是上帝的馈赠
No, sir.
They are not a gift from God.
他们是来自我们称之为
They are an unoly curse
“荒凉鬼蜮”的邪恶诅咒
from the beast
we call the Desolate One.
我不想听你说这些 蓝道
I don’t really want
to hear this, Randal.
第一个堕落的人
The first of the fallen,
处♥女♥杀手
the spoiler of virgins,
堕胎大♥师♥！
the master of abortions!
我不喜欢谈黑暗的东西 蓝道
You know I don’t like to talk
about dark forces, Randal.
# 让我来帮你 #
(in high-pitched voice):
# Let me help you #
# 从椅子上站起来 奶奶！ #
# Out of your chair, Grandma! #
# 奶奶 来到节日的现场 #
# Grandma, what was it like #
# 滋味怎么样？ #
# To be on that holiday site? #
# 那晚 我半夜醒来 #
# Late that night,
I awoke from my sleep #
# 听到未知的声音#
# Hearing unknown voices #
# 疯狂地笑着… #
JAY/RANDAL:
# Laughing insane… #
(screaming)
(gasps)
(groaning):
Oh…
# #
你♥他♥妈♥干什么？
Oh, what the fuck was that?
什么？
What?
你挥手了
That wave.
我看见贝琪 所以就挥手了
I saw Becky, so I waved.
只要20秒她就能进来了
She’ll be in here in 20 seconds.
怎么了？
And?
你居然在她进来之前
And you’ve got to greet her
还要跟她打招呼 你这个马屁精？
before she gets in here,
you fuckir ass-kiss?
这算怎么回事？
What’s that all about?
这叫做友谊
It’s called friendship.
她是你老板
She’s your boss.
下属怎么可能成为老板的朋友？
You can’t be friends
with your boss.
不 你不可能成为老板的朋友
No, you can’t be friends
with your boss.
我喜欢我的老板
I like my boss.
你俩之间肯定有一腿
I think there’s
something going on
between you two.
你疯了
You’re crazy.
你经常跟她说话
You spend an awful lot
of time talking to her.
我也经常跟你说话
I spend an awful lot of time
talking to you, too.
我一直认为
And I’ve always maintained
你对我有意思 虽然我一直没理睬你
you’re harboring an unrequited
homosexual crush on me.
我们只是朋友
We’re just friends.
我早就跟你说清楚了
That’s what I keep telling you.
白♥痴♥ 我说的是我和贝琪
No, you idiot, me and Becks.
“贝琪”？
“Becks”?
我就晓得
I knew it.
你跟我们的老板上♥床♥了
You’re fucking
around with the boss.
是啊 所以我才跟未婚妻搬到佛州
Yeah, that’s why I’m moving
to Florida with my fiancee.
你为什么尽找一些
Why would you want
to fuck around
跟你年纪相当的人上♥床♥？
with a chick your own age, man?
如果你想吃野食
If you’ve got to sow
some of your wild oats,
放学之后来我们这里的年轻小妞多得是
there’s all
these fine young chicks
that stop in here after school.
首先 我没有背着未婚妻乱搞
First off, I’m not cheating
on my fiancee.
其次 如果我要背着未婚妻乱搞
Secondly, if I was cheating
on my fiancee,
也不会是年轻小妞
it wouldn’t be with a teenager.
为什么呢？
Why not?
这份工作最大的乐趣
The best part of this job
就是能经常看到
那些刚到合法年龄的小妞
is all the barely-legal pussy
that comes in here.
她们进来后都仰慕地看着我
And they all look up to me,
因为我有驾照
’cause I’ve got
a driver’s license.
– 了不起
– 你都33了
It’s awesome.
You’re 33.