疯狂店员2（2006）

need love… too… #
如果他要打手♥枪♥
If he’s gonna jerk off,
我也要打手♥枪♥
I’m gonna jerk off, too.
我不认为他要打手♥枪♥
I don’t think
he’s gonna jerk off.
# So moving like you’re 40 #
# This groove
is much too naughty #
# Can’t you see? #
# I want you just for me #
– # Boys, make some noise… #
– (brays)
喂 你们要错过精彩的了！
Yo, you guys
are gonna miss this shit!
那壮男要把他那根放到它…屁♥眼♥里了！
The big guy’s gonna cornole
that ass… with his wiener!
等等再讲
Hold that thought.
# Freeze, freeze,
freeze, freeze… #
(moaning)
希望那驴子屁♥眼♥里没有怪物
I hope that donkey doesn’t have
a heinie troll.
# Temporary love’s so bad… #
好吧 我是
All right, I do.
是什么？
Do what?
# Then along came you… #
我是爱你的
I do love you.
# Temporary, temporary… #
什么变♥态♥的人会被
What kind of sick
fuck gets turned on
一个男人鸡♥奸♥一只公驴激起性♥欲♥
watching a guy fuck a donkey?
# Naughty girls need love #
# Baby, baby #
(sobbing)
对不起 耶苏
I’m sorry, Jesus.
(moaning)
# Then along came you… #
丹堤？
Dante?
发生什么事了？
What’s going on?
蛋糕
Ooh, cake.
(moans)
我在外面小便时听到了新闻
Yo, I was outside taking a piss
when I heard the news.
恭喜！
Congrats!
你要生小孩了 对吧？
You’re having a baby, right?
没呀 谁说的？
No. Who said that?
一个混♥蛋♥说的
Some asshole.
# Temporary, temporary… #
对不起
I’m sorry.
# Naughty girls need love… #
你这猪头！
You fuck!
(thud, Dante groans)
快 用这个打那猪脑袋！
Quick, hit that
two-timing fuck with this!
嘿 有没有兴趣去约会？
Hey, want to go out sometime?
艾玛 我不…
我不知道该说什么
Emma, I don’t…
I don’t know what to say.
把他拿去吧 你♥他♥妈♥的裱子
Take him, you fucking whore.
(ring jingles as it bounces
across floor)
艾玛！
Emma!
(sirens blaring)
不
Oh, no.
# Don’t let me #
# Baby #
# Temporary love’s so bad #
# Temporary love’s
so bad #
# Then along came you… #
妈的 别又来了
必须快点结束
Oh, shit, not again.
Got to finish.
喂 警♥察♥在外面
我们身上还有大♥麻♥
(moans)
Yo, cops are outside,
we’re holding,
我还在假释中
and I’m still on probation.
– (sighs)
– # Temporary, temporary… #
这是什么？
What the fuck?
(brays)
懒猴？！
Porch monkey?!
不 不 没关系的
Oh, no, no, it’s cool.
我把它收回
I’m taking it back.
(whooping)
我爱♥女♥人♥和啤酒
I love pussy and beer!
Whoo-hoo!
(我来本不是召义人悔改
乃是召罪人悔改 路克5:32)
(groans)
似曾-他妈-相识 不是吗？
Deja fucking vu, right?
牢房♥设计几世纪都没变过
Jail cell design hasn’t changed
much in centuries, has it?
也许他们应该换成雷射栏杆或什么的
Maybe it’s time they brought in
the laser bars or something.
或是他们可以做个塑胶牢房♥
Or they can make
就像X战警2里关万磁王的那个
a hard plastic cage
like Magneto’s in X-Men 2.
不 拜托 老兄
No, come on, dude,
你能不能现实点？
let’s keep it in the real world,
all right?
你知道什么主意不错吗？
But you know
what wouldn’t be a bad idea?
碳质炸♥药♥
Carbonite.
你觉得怎样 丹堤？
What do you think, Dante?
我想我要杀了你！
I think I’m gonna kill you!
放开我！
Get off of me!
怎么了？铁笼决赛？
What up?! Steel cage match!
你毁了我的人生！
You ruined my life!
你的人生早就毁了！
Your life was already ruined!
老天爷！
Jesus!
你在想什么？
What were you thinking?
他妈的驴子秀？！
A fucking donkey show?!
是给你践行的礼物！
It was your going-away present!
真好的礼物
DANTE:
It sure was.
我没想到我竟然会被关到监狱里
I just never thought
I’d be going away to prison.
嘿 孩子们
SEXY STUD:
Hey, boys.
你们不会因为观赏
种族交叉交♥媾♥而被关的
You can’t be imprisoned
for watching
an inter-species sex act.
你们会被放出去的
You guys’ll walk.
我最多也只会因虐待动物被罚款
The most I’ll get’ll be a fine
for animal abuse
还有引来一堆保守者的鄙视眼光
and a lot of disgusted looks
from asswipe conservatives
他们根本就不懂探索性趣
who can’t appreciate
sexual exploration.
Hey!
(chuckles)
(sighs)
我想念我的驴
I miss my donkey.
真不敢相信你
I can’t believe you.
我好不容易步上正轨了
I finally get my shit together.
再几个小时就会离开这里
I’m hours
from getting out of here
重新开始我的生活
但你还是有办法
and really starting my life,
and you somehow figure out a way
毁掉这一切
还害我变成囚犯
to obliterate all that
and reduce me to a convict.
对 都是我的错
害你的人生被毁
Oh, yeah, it’s my fault
your life’s fucked up.
是我订了婚又把我老板搞大肚子
I’m the engaged guy
who knocked up my boss.
你把穆比的老板搞大肚子？恶
You knocked up the guy
who owns Mooby’s? Ew.
什么？
(chuckling):
What?
你能不能闭嘴？
Would you shut up?
(chuckling)
你是混乱的转世
You’re chaos incarnate, man.
我们的一生
Our whole lives,
你一直让我扯进麻烦里
让我无法前进
you’ve been getting me into
trouble and holding me back.
我让你无法前进 是吗？
Oh, I’m holding you back, right?
我记得十年前
I remember, like, ten years ago,
我们去茱莉·怀尔葬礼那晚
the night we went
to Julie Dwyer’s funeral,
你一直是一副“我需要去大便或是戒掉大♥麻♥”
you were all like, “I need
to shit or get off the pot.”
是你说“大便或戒掉大♥麻♥”
不是我
You said, “Shit
or get off the pot,” not me.
那时你兴致勃勃的说要掌握你的人生
You got all fired up about
taking charge of your life,
结果你做了什么？
and what’d you do?
你在一家便利商店工作