疯狂店员2（2006）

What the fuck are you doing
up there?!
如果你要跳下来的话
Yo, if you’re gonna jump,
先让我上上你吧
let me get a crack
at that pussy first.
让我尝尝
Let me find out.
你的手提音响还在吗？
You still got your boom box?
随便放些什么 把音量转最大
Play something,
and turn it way up.
放些舞曲
Something danceable.
在这里？
Up here?
你认真的吗？
Are you serious?
你要在这里教我跳舞？
You’re gonna teach me
to dance up here?
怎么？你想要我在所有顾客前教你？
What? You want I should do it
in front of all the customers?
什么顾客？
What customers?
闭嘴
过来
Shut up.
Come over here.
准备好跟着音乐
Okay, get ready for the music.
你会感觉到…在这里
You feel it… here.
来了
Here it comes.
# Grandma, what was it like #
# To be on the holiday site? #
放点较不邪恶的吧！
Something a little
less demonic, please!
# But with them by my side
in the twilight… #
谢谢
Thank you.
(Jackson Five’s “ABC”
playing)
这个好
就跟着我做
Yes! Okay, okay, um,
just-just follow
我做什么你做什么 了解？
whatever it is I’m doing, okay?
– 往前踏
– 好
– Step forward…
– All right.
往后踏
– # You went to school… #
– Step back.
往右
To your right.
# Things you never,
never knew before… #
往左
To your left.
向右转
Turn to the right.
# Like “l” before “E”
except after “C” #
# And why two plus two
makes four #
# Now, now, now,
I’m gonna teach you #
# Teach you, teach you #
# All about love, girl #
# All about love #
# Sit yourself down… #
你跳得真的很差 坐下
Okay, you really do suck.
Sit down.
告诉你了吧
Told you.
看着我跳 懂吗？
Just watch me, all right?
# A, B, C #
# Easy as one, two, three #
# As simple as do, re, mi #
# A, B, C, one, two, three #
# Baby, you and me, girl #
# A, B, C #
# Easy as one, two, three #
# As simple as do, re, mi #
# A, B, C, one, two, three #
# Baby, you and me, girl #
# Come on and love me
just a little bit #
# I’m gonna teach you
how to sing it out #
# Come on, come on, come on #
# Let me show you
what it’s all about #
# Reading, writing, arithmetic #
# Are the branches
of the learning tree #
# But without the roots
of love every day, girl #
# Your education
ain’t complete #
# Tea-Tea-Tea-Teacher’s
gonna show you #
# She’s gonna show you #
# How to get an “A” #
# Na-na-na-na-na-na #
# How to spell “me,” “you,”
add the two #
# Listen to me, baby,
that’s all you got to do #
# Oh, A, B, C #
# It’s easy as one, two, three #
# As simple as do, re, mi #
# A, B, C, one, two, three #
# Baby, you and me, girl #
# A, B, C, it’s easy #
# It’s like counting
up to three #
# Singing simple melodies #
# That’s how easy love can be #
# That’s how easy
love can be #
# Singing simple melodies #
# One, two, three, you and me! #
# Yeah! #
– (Silent Bob mouthing)
– # Sit down, girl #
# I think I love you #
# No, get up, girl #
# Show me what you can do #
# Shake it, shake it, baby #
# Come on, now #
# Shake it, shake it, baby #
# Ooh, ooh, shake it,
shake it, baby, yeah #
# One, two, three, baby #
# Ooh, ooh, A, B, C, baby #
# Na, na, do, re, mi, baby #
# Now that’s how easy
love can be #
– GROUP: # Whoo! #
– # A, B, C, it’s easy #
# It’s like counting
up to three #
# Singing simple melodies #
# That’s how easy love can be #
# Teacher’s gonna teach you
how to sing it out #
# Come on, come on, come on #
# Let me show you
what it’s all about #
# A, B, C, it’s easy #
# It’s like counting
up to three… #
我爱你 贝琪
I love you, Becky.
# Singing simple melodies… #
我怀孕了 丹堤
I’m pregnant, Dante.
# That’s how easy… #
(gasps, grunts)
Oh!
(door creaking)
(door bangs shut)
我有点犹豫了
I’m having second thoughts.
有关你的性向？
About your sexuality?
有关去不去佛罗里达
About going to Florida.
嗯 对
Yeah, right.
怎么突然这样？
Why now, all of a sudden?
贝琪怀孕了
Becky’s pregnant.
是吗？
She is?
Huh.
怎么…你怕错过她的婴儿庆生会？
So, what, are you afraid you’re
gonna miss the baby shower?
我是爸爸
I’m the father.
那真惨
This sucks, man.
我有他妈的骨盆泌尿症
I have pelvic piss syndrome
like a motherfucker,
所以给我安静点
so be really fucking quiet.
喂 大哥 别看我的老二
Ew, dude, don’t try
looking at my dick.
– 干♥他♥妈的
– 什么？
– JAY: What the fuck?
– RANDAL: What?
我们应该丢下里面那顾客不管吗？
Should we have
left that guy in there?
管他去死！
你怎么让
Oh, fuck him! How the fuck
did you father a child
不是你未婚妻的女人怀孕的？
with a chick
that’s not your fiance?!
妈的
Holy shit!
她从你上次打手♥枪♥
She got pregnant
off the toilet seat
残留在马桶上的精♥液♥受孕的
you jerked off onto!
我早就该知道了！
I fucking knew it!
不是 我们有次下班后发♥生♥关♥系♥了
几个礼拜前的事
No, we had sex one night
after work, a few weeks ago.
什么？！在哪？！
What?! Where?!
这里 就在准备台桌上
Here, on the prep station table.
恶！那是我的准备桌
Ew! That’s my prep table.
我不知该怎么办
I don’t know what to do.
贝琪说什么？
What did Beck say?
她说她想生下来
She says she wants to have it.
天啊 她想要你跟艾玛分手
Oh, my God, so she wants
you to break it off
– 然后和她结婚
– 不是
– with Emma and marry her?
– No.
她要告诉艾玛？
She’s gonna tell Emma?
不是！
No!
等等…
那你的问题是？
Wait a second…
then what’s the problem?
– 你那么笨吗？
– 我是认真的