疯狂店员2（2006）

(quiet, noble melody playing)
(music fades)
(car approaching)
(keys jingling)
(flames crackling)
(flames crackling)
是的 “小歇便利店”着火了
Yeah, I got a fire
at the Quick Stop.
是的
Yeah.
(steam hissing)
(hissing and crackling)
(debris rattling)
(bell dings)
恐怖袭击？
Terrorists?
我是不是又忘记关咖啡壶了？
I left the coffee pot
on again, didn’t I?
娘的！
Shit!
这下子我老妈在家的时候
Now where am I gonna
bring chicks to fuck
我到哪找地方跟马子爽呢？
when my mom’s home?
(Talking Heads’ “Nothing
But Flowers”intro playing)
片名：《无事生非２》
(horn honks)
# Here we stand #
# Like an Adam and an Eve #
# Waterfalls #
# The Garden of Eden #
# Two fools in love #
# So beautiful… #
最后一天都准备好了？
So, ready for your big last day?
嗯
I am.
你跟你老婆什么时候动身去佛州？
When do you and your old lady
head down to Florida?
明早
Tomorrow morning.
车都装好了
Car’s all packed up.
永远离开新泽西之前
You gonna do anything crazy
想不想做点荒唐事？
before you leave
New Jersey forever?
你认识我多久了？
How long have you known me?
如果我是你 我就会在整面墙上
If I were you,
I’d spray-paint “eat pussy”
用大大的字母写上“吃B去”
across the side of the building
in huge letters.
为什么？
Why?
让他们记得你
Let ’em know
you were there, man.
我宁愿让他们记得我不是个浑球
I’d rather let them know
I’m not an asshole.
来不及了
Too late for that.
我会很想你的 哥们
I’m really gonna miss you, man.
# Hey #
# Once there were parking lots #
# Now it’s a peaceful oasis #
# You’ve got it, you’ve got it #
# This was a Pizza Hut #
# Now it’s all covered
with daisies #
# You’ve got it, you’ve got it #
# I miss the honky-tonks,
Dairy Queens and 7-Elevens #
# You’ve got it, you’ve got it #
# And as things fell apart #
# Nobody paid much attention #
# You’ve got it, you’ve got it #
# Years ago #
# I was an angry young man… #
他们居然置之不理
就这样让它站在路边
I can’t believe they haven’t
done anything with it yet.
上帝已经出过手了
The Lord did
something with it.
一出手就除掉了这个狗屎地方
He smited that hellhole.
瞧你说的
Listen to you.
你敢说你一点都不怀念这个地方？
Do you mean to tell me
you don’t miss
that place at all?
当然不了
(scoffs):
God, no.
你呢？
Do you?
当然也不
Of course not.
# I wish I had a lawnmower #
# You’ve got it, you’ve got it #
# #
（吃屄♥♥去）
# #
# #
# I dream of cherry pies #
# Candy bars
and chocolate chip cookies #
# You’ve got it, you’ve got it #
# Don’t leave me stranded here #
# I can’t get used
to this lifestyle. #
(heavy metal music playing)
(whistles)
# Grandma, what was it like #
# To be on that holiday site? #
滚吧！
Get the fuck out of here!
改进版的杰与沉默鲍伯
# Grandma said, “Do come in,
my little friend.” #
有时候我真希望做些有意义的事情
You know, sometimes I wish
I did a little more with my life
而不是呆在这种地方卖♥♥大♥麻♥
instead of hanging out in front
of places selling weed and shit.
比如说 做个兽医
Like, maybe be an animal doctor.
我怎么不是呢？
Why not me?
我喜欢海豹
I like seals and shit.
或者是宇航员
Or maybe an astronaut.
是啊
Yeah.
比如说开拓星系的第一人
Like, be the first motherfucker
to see a new galaxy
或者发现外星生命…
or find
a new alien life-form…
去他妈的
and fuck it.
人们就会说“看啊
And people’d be like,
“There he goes.
他就是那个干过火星人的哥们”
Homeboy fucked a Martian once.”
妈呀
Holy shit.
我们胜利回归后的第一个客人
Our first customer
since our triumphant return.
装得酷一点
Act cool.
稳住
Hold on.
哥们 有货吗？
Yeah, you guys holdir?
除了K粉、白粉和你的老二
其他应有尽有
Shit, everything but coke,
heroin and your cock.
什么？
What?
来一小包吧
How about a nickel bag, man?
15美元 小家伙
(sing-songy):
Oh, 15 bucks, little man.
放到我的手上来
Put that shit in my hand.
# Nong, nong, nagga-
nagga-nong-nong. #
他喜欢唱歌♥
He likes to sing.
有阵子没见到你哥俩了
So, uh, I haven’t seen
you guys in a while, man.
上哪儿去了？
Where you been all this time?
我和沉默鲍伯买♥♥了辆车
Me and Silent Bob
finally bought a car,
我们一路开车 打算去赌城玩…
we’re cruising down
to the Boardwalk…
狗♥日♥的♥中城（俄亥俄州）警♥察♥把我们拦下来
fucking Middletown cop
pulls us over
说我们涉嫌扰乱公共秩序
for Suspicion of Mischief.
那是什么意思？
What the fuck does that mean?
我们打开了安全气囊开车兜风
We were driving around
with a deployed airbag.
警♥察♥让我们停车
The cops pull us over.
他们发现了两磅牙买♥♥加羔羊毛
（他们发现我们没穿裤子）
They find two pounds
of Jamaican lambswool.
检察官想让我们蹲大牢
Prosecutor wants
to put us away for a dime,
法官却送我们进了戒治所
but the judge gives us
rehab instead.
妈妈的 戒治所啊？
Shit, rehab?
是啊
Yup-yup.
你们在那儿呆了多久？
How long were you in?
6个月 先生
JAY:
Six months, sir.
我们戒了6个月零两天的毒
We got six months
and two days on the wagon
跟比尔·威尔逊（演员）成了好朋友
as a good friend of Bill W.’s.
瞧
Check it out.
两天前刚弄到的
我们出来之前不久
Just got it two days ago,
before we got out.
不过像你们这样
身上每天都带着货
Yeah, but if you’re holding
all the time,
难道不怕禁不住诱惑吗？
aren’t you gonna be tempted
to get high?
不会的 先生
我们有耶酥基♥督♥作后盾
Oh, not with the power
of Christ on my side, sir.
那玩意是他妈的圣经吗？
Is that a fuckir Bible?
嘿 嘿
是他妈神圣的圣经 小子！
Hey, hey,
the Holy fuckir Bible, son!