BJ单身日记

它是一家出版社
You see, it’s a publishing house.
意味着有人为我们写东西
So that means that people write things for us…
然后我们把所有页打印出来
and then we print out all the pages
装订在一起
and fasten them together
把它们做成一个我们称之为书的东西 琼斯
and make them into what we call a book, Jones.
不是 你觉得大家会注意到吗
No, do you think people will notice?
注意到什么
Notice what?
注意到我们 一起工作 一起上♥床♥
Us. Working together, sleeping together.
等等 先等一会儿 琼斯
Hang on. Hang on a minute, Jones.
慢慢来 这一切开始于周二
Just slow down. It started on Tuesday
现在才周四
and now it’s Thursday.
这其实不算
It’s not exactly…
一段长♥期♥的关系 不是吗
a long-term relationship, is it?
你真坏
You’re very bad.
布丽姬特·琼斯 淫♥荡♥的性感女神
Bridget Jones, wanton sex goddess…
此刻她的双腿间正有一位很坏的男人
with a very bad man between her thighs.
妈妈 你好
Mum. Hi.
有一个举世公认的事实
It’s the truth universally acknowledged
当你人生的某方面开始变得顺利时
that the moment one area of your life starts going OK,
总会有另一方面彻底崩溃
another part of it falls spectacularly to pieces.
还有人想要来一把吗
Ah, anyone else want to have it off?
别害羞 女士
Don’t be shy, madame.
用法语就是撸个蛋
French. Have it oeuf.
用俏皮话鸡蛋剥壳器
With the wisecrack egg peeler.
现在 牢牢地抓住
Now, nice firm grip.
把它放进洞中
Put it in the hole.
上 下 上 下
And… up, down, up, down.
它就掉进你的手心里了
And off it comes in your hand.
小心喷射过量 抱歉
Mind the over-spray. Sorry.
亲爱的 就算我头上顶着内♥裤♥走进家门
Darling, if I came in with my knickers on my head,
他也不会注意到
he wouldn’t notice.
我花了三十五年时间为他打扫屋子
I spent thirty-five years cleaning his house,
为他洗衣服 为他养孩子
washing his clothes, bringing up his children.
我也是你的孩子
I’m your child, too.
老实说 亲爱的 要小孩这件事
To be honest, darling, having children
并不像大家所说的那样
isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
如果再给我一次机会 我不确定还会要小孩
Given my chance again, I’m not sure I’d have any.
现在到了我生命的晚年
And now it’s the winter of my life
实际上我没有任何属于自己的东西
and I haven’t actually got anything of my own.
我无权无势 没有像样的事业
I’ve got no power, no real career,
没有…没有性生活
no… no sex life.
我根本没有自己的生活
I’ve got no life at all.
我就像只在夏天光顾着唱歌♥的蚱蜢
I’m like the grasshopper who sang all summer.
我就像杰梅茵·吉尔[女权主义先驱]I’m like Germaine sodding Geer.
是格里尔
Greer.
反正我不要再忍♥受了
Well, anyway, I’m not having it.
而且我已经被星探发掘了
And I’ve been talent spotted.
朱利安觉得我有很大的潜力
Julian thinks I’ve got great potential.
朱利安是谁
Who’s Julian?
他是家庭购物频道的
From the Home Shopping Channel.
来店里做头发
Comes into the store to have his colours done.
有做什么的潜力呢
Potential for what?
做他电视节目的演示人
As a demonstrator on his cable show.
做他的助理
You know, his assistant.
显然它是那个频道收视率最高的节目
Apparently, it’s the highest-rated show on the channel.
除了那个节目
Well, apart from the one,
就是胖子会毒打他们亲戚的节目
you know, where the fat people beat up their relatives.
我得走了
I must wiz.
-马克·达西和你联络过吗 -再见 妈妈
– Have you heard from Mark Darcy? – Good-bye, Mum.
BGM: Me and Mrs. Jones by The Dramatics
♪ Mrs. ♪
♪ Mrs. Jones ♪
朱利安
Julian.
抱歉让你久等了
Sorry to keep you waiting.
♪ Goin’ on and on and on and on ♪
几周之后 情况变得更糟了
And a few weeks later, it got lots worse.
你好
Hello!
瞧这个
Look at this.
与这个心形吊坠交相辉映的
Paying off this heart-shaped pendant.
项链和耳环套组 特别优♥惠♥
来自我的个人推荐之一
One of my own personal recommendations…
这件美妙绝伦
is this absolutely stunning…
项链耳环套组
matching necklace and earring set.
耳环的尺寸…
The earrings measuring…
略大于一厘米
just over a centimetre
镶有两对天青色的纯人造钻石
in genuine diamante with two pairs in lapis lazuli
镀有漂亮的金色
in a lovely mock-gold finish.
它完全复刻了肯特公爵夫人1993年
The exact replica of those worn at Wimbledon
在温布尔登网球赛场合佩戴的首饰
in 1993 by Her Royal Highness the Duchess of Kent.
好吧
Well.
她真的搬出去了吗
Has she actually moved out then?
显然 她和这个橘色皮肤的傻瓜
Apparently, she and this tangerine-tinted buffoon
突然间在一起了
are suddenly an item.
我们的一半朋友都请他们吃过晚餐
Half our friends have had them around to bloody dinner.
她甚至要带黄疸朱利安
She’s even taking Jaundice Julian
去乌娜·奥尔肯波里的妓♥女♥和牧师变装派对
to Una Alconbury’s Tarts and Vicars party.
这不是我认识的帕梅拉 太无情了
That’s not the Pamela I knew. That’s cruel.
不过 依然可能是一个黄金机会
Well, still, could be a golden opportunity.
如果整场派对你都在和别的女人调情
If you spent the entire party flirting with other women,
这会让妈妈因嫉妒而疯狂
it would drive Mum wild with jealousy.
什么
What?
我就是这么搞定我的男人的
That’s how I got my man.
你有男朋友了吗 真的男朋友
Have you got a boyfriend? A real one?
是的 爸爸 是的
I have, Father. I have.
他太完美了
And he’s perfect.
太棒了 我不再是悲惨的老姑娘了
Hurrah. I’m no longer tragic spinster,
而是一位货真价实的性♥爱♥之神的正经女友
but proper girlfriend of bona fide sex god…
我们之间认真到他要带我
so committed that he’s taking me
去度过一个全套的周末短假出游
on a full-blown mini-break holiday weekend.
向我保证我们不用
Just promise me we don’t have to sit
坐在小船里 对彼此读矫揉造作的诗句
in any little boats and read poncey poetry to each other.
他还同意在乔弗里叔叔可怕的
He’s also agreed to protect me at Uncle Geoffrey’s
妓♥女♥和牧师变装派对上保护我
hideous Tarts and Vicars fancy dress party.
这肯定不只是随便玩玩
This can’t be just shagging.
短假出游意味着真爱
A mini-break means true love.
突然之间感觉就像格蕾丝·凯利一般的电影女神
Suddenly feel like screen goddess in manner of Grace Kelly.
不过在压力下可能会变得没那么优雅
Though perhaps ever so slightly less elegant under pressure.
这里太安静了 不是吗
It’s very quiet here, isn’t it?
我们是这里唯一的客人吗
Are we the only guests, or…
我们这周末会举办一场婚礼
We have a wedding this weekend.
只有你们四位不是来参加婚礼的
I believe there are just four of you not involved.
你去划船 我去喝茶
You do the boats, I’ll do the tea.
天呐
Oh, Jesus.
-你好 -你好
– Hello there. – Hi.
瞧瞧谁来了
Well, well.
我想你也是要去奥尔肯波里的假山花♥园♥
I take it you’re also heading for the Alconbury’s rockery.
是的 没错
Yes, that’s right.
我带了娜塔莎来 完成了一点工作
I brought Natasha. Get a bit of work done.
不想把这个周末彻底浪费掉
Thought I might make it a not entirely wasted weekend.
多么有趣啊
How interesting.
你过的生活真是激动人心
What a gripping life you do lead.
我们过会儿楼上见
I’ll see you upstairs in a second.
他们那起案件的弱点
Well, the weakness of their case
在于他们8月30日做的证词
lies in the deposition they made on August 30.
雾气笼罩的季节…
Season of mist and…
果实成熟芬芳
mellow fruitlessness.
该死的 我喜欢济慈
Oh, fuck me, I love Keats.
你听过这首吗
Have you heard this one?
“有个来自伊令的年轻女子”
“There was a young woman from Ealing…”
“有种奇特的感觉”
“Who had a peculiar feeling.”
“她躺下 拉开拉链”
“She lay on her back and opened her crack…”
“朝着天花板撒尿”
“And pissed all over the ceiling.”
糟糕
Oh, bollocks.