BJ单身日记

我不该跟你说太多
I oughtn’t go into it with you.
顺便说句 那个男人真帅
By the by, that man is gorgeous.
对 马克
Ah, yes, Mark.
给我点时间 肯定能拿下
Just give me time. Give me time.
“你写过一些文字猛烈抨击…”
“You’ve written a searing vision… ”
你能记得剩下的吗
Can you remember the rest of this?
“本世纪的伤痛…”
“Of the wounds our century…
“对传统男子气概的深切影响”
“Has inflicted on traditional masculinity.
“有积极意义的冯内格特式” 当然记得
“Positively Vonnegut-esgue. ” Obviously.
你知道洗手间在哪吗
Listen, you don’t know where the loos are here, do you?
知道 在走廊那边
Yes. In the hallway.
谢谢
Thanks.
测试 一 二
One, two.
女士们先生们
Ladies and gentlemen.
我…
I…
女士们…
L-ladies and…
我…
I…
喂
Oi!
不好意思…
Sorry. The…
麦克风…出了点问题
mike’s not… work… working.
女士们先生们
Ladies and gentlemen…
欢迎来到《卡夫卡的摩托车》的发布会
welcome to the launch of “Kafka’s Motorbike”…
“当今时代最伟大的著作”
“The Greatest Book of Our Time. ”
当然您的作品没在比较范围内 拉什迪先生…
Obviously except for your books, Mr. Rushdie…
您的作品也非常成功
which are also very good.
还有亚切勋爵
And Lord Archer…
您的也不差
yours aren’t bad, either.
总而言之
Anyway…
我想说的是
What I mean is…
欢迎各位 女士们先生们
welcome, ladies and gentlemen.
欢迎大家来到此次发布会现场
Thank you for coming to the launch of…
当代最成功的三十本书之一
one of the top thirty books of our time.
至少吧
Anyway, at least.
并在此正式地
And here to introduce it…
向各位介绍
properly…
是一位被我们称作
is, uh, the man we all call…
盯奶变♥态♥
Tits Pervert.
先生…
Mr…
盯奶变♥态♥
Tits Pervert!
先生…
Mr…
盯奶变♥态♥先生
Tits Pervert.
菲茨赫伯特
Fitzherbert…
因为…
because…
这就是他的名字
that is his name.
菲茨赫伯特先生
Mr. Fitzherbert.
谢谢
Thank you.
谢谢你 布兰达
Thank you, Brenda.
把这个打开就行
Just switch this on.
你的作品有多少自传性质呢 萨尔曼
So how autobiographical is your work, Salman?
神奇的是
You know, it’s an amazing thing…
从来没有人问过我这个问题
nobody’s ever asked me that question.
不好意思
Excuse me.
琼斯 别管他们
Jones. Sod ’em all.
你贡献了一场杰出的
It was a brilliant…
妙语连珠的后现代连珠炮 真的
post-modernist masterpiece of oratorical fireworks, really.
你看起来真性感 琼斯
You’re looking very sexy, Jones.
我现在必须得带你共进晚餐
I think I’m gonna have to take you out to dinner now,
不管你愿不愿意 好吗
whether you like it or not, OK?
走吧 拿上你的东西
Come on, get your stuff.
你对车♥臣♥的整个局势有什么看法
So how do you feel about this whole situation in Chechnya?
真是一场噩梦 不是吗
Isn’t it a nightmare?
我根本不在乎 琼斯
I couldn’t give a fuck, Jones.
听着 你是怎么认识毒舌达西的
Now, look, how do you know Arsey Darcy?
据说 我小时候曾经常常光着身子
Apparently, I used to run ’round naked
在他家的戏水池里跑来跑去
in his paddling pool.
我猜你肯定干过 小贱♥货♥
I bet you did, you dirty bitch.
你怎么认识他的呢
What about you?
跟你一样
Same. Yeah.
不 不 他结婚时我是他的伴郎
No, no, I was best man at his wedding.
我在剑桥念书时认识他的
Knew him from Cambridge.
他以前是我的朋友
He was a mate.
后来呢
And then what?
后来… 没什么
And then, uh… nothing.
你不用为他遮掩 他不是我的朋友
You don’t need to protect him. He’s no friend of mine.
那么…
Well, um, then…
许多年之后
many years later…
我犯下了一个毁灭性的大错
I made the somewhat catastrophic mistake
就是把他介绍给了我的未婚妻
of introducing him to my fiancée.
然后…
And…
坦率讲 我没办法
I couldn’t say, in all honesty,
说自己已经原谅了他
I’ve ever quite forgiven him.
天呐 所以…
God, so…
他是个下流的混♥蛋♥
he’s a nasty bastard.
还是一个无趣的混♥蛋♥
And a dull bastard.
是啊 我觉得可以这么说
Yes. Yes, I think that’s fair.
反正去他的 别让他破坏了我们的夜晚
Anyway, fuck him. Listen, don’t let him ruin our evening.
不如你再来点酒
Why don’t you have some more wine…
再和我说说你在学校时和别的女生
and tell me more about practicing French-kissing
练习法式接吻的事
with the other girls at school,
因为那个故事棒极了
because that’s a very good story.
-不是法式接吻 -我不在乎 编一个吧
– It wasn’t French-kissing. – Don’t care. Make it up.
这是命令 琼斯
That’s an order, Jones.
去我那里喝一杯怎么样
So, um, how about a drink at my place?
完全纯洁 不会逾矩
Totally innocent, no funny business,
只有满满的性♥爱♥
just full sex.
不 不 不
No, no, no.
我应该打车了
I should get a taxi.
但是感谢这顿美好的晚餐
But thank you for the lovely dinner.
荣幸之至 琼斯
It’s a pleasure, Jones.
BGM: Stop, Look, Listen (To Your Heart) by Diana Ross, Marvin Gaye
♪ Oh, love love, love ♪
♪ You’re alone ♪
♪ All the time ♪
♪ Does it ever puzzle you ♪
♪ Have you asked why you seem ♪
♪ To fall in love ♪
♪ And out again ♪
♪ Do you really ever love ♪
♪ Or just pretend ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪
♪ Why fool yourself ♪
♪ Don’t be afraid to help yourself ♪
这些小靴子真可笑 琼斯
Now these are very silly little boots, Jones.
这条小裙子也很可笑
And this is a very silly little dress.
然后…
And…
这条…
these are…
妈的 这条内♥裤♥也太巨大了吧
fuck me, absolutely enormous panties.
天呐 靠
Jesus. Fuck.
不 不 不用道歉 我喜欢它
No, no, don’t apologize. I like them.
你好 老妈子
Hello, Mummy.
♪ Love ♪
抱歉 我必须得再看一眼
I’m sorry, I have to have another look.
-它太妙了 不像是真的 -不要
– They’re too good to be true. – No.
这没什么好尴尬的
There’s nothing to be embarrassed about.
我自己现在穿的也差不多
I’m wearing something quite similar myself.
-来 我给你看 -不 不
– Here, I’ll show you. – No. No.
♪ This time decide ♪
♪ That you will open up ♪
♪ Let it in ♪
♪ There’s no shame in sharin’ love ♪
日期 周三
发生了某件事
体重 59.5公斤
用性♥爱♥代替了食物
♪ You feel within ♪
香烟 22支
都是事后烟
♪ So jump right in ♪
♪ Head over heels ♪
♪ And fall right in ♪
刚刚太美妙了
That was fantastic.
-丹尼尔 -怎么了
– Daniel. – Yeah?
办公室会发生些什么呢
What happens at the office?
很高兴你问了这个问题
Well, I’m glad you asked that.