BJ单身日记

obviously will lose twenty pounds.
第二个
Number two…
记着把前一晚的内♥裤♥扔到洗衣篮里
always put last night’s panties in the laundry basket.
同样重要的是
Equally important…
找到可以一起出去玩的贴心好男友
will find nice sensible boyfriend to go out with…
不再继续对以下人士产生爱慕之情
and not continue to form romantic attachments to any of the following，
酗酒狂 工作狂 恐惧承诺的人
alcoholics, workaholics, commitment-phobics…
偷♥窥♥狂 自大狂
peeping toms, megalomaniacs…
情绪化的蠢货以及变♥态♥
emotional fuckwits, or perverts.
尤其是不再对
And especially will not fantasize…
拥有以上所有特质的那个人抱有幻想
about a particular person who embodies all these things.
BGM: Respect by Aretha Franklin
♪ What you want ♪
♪ Baby, I got ♪
♪ What you need ♪
♪ Do you know I got it? ♪
不幸的是 他刚好是我的上司
Unfortunately, he just happens to be my boss…
主编丹尼尔·克利弗
Editor-in-Chief, Daniel Cleaver.
因为与今年圣诞派对有关的
And for various slightly unfair reasons…
种种有些不公平的原因
relating to this year’s Christmas party…
我怀疑他对我没有幻想
I suspect he does not fantasize about me.
BGM: Without You
♪ 如果没有你 ♪
♪ Can’t live ♪
♪ 无法生存 ♪
♪ If living is without you ♪
♪ 我无法生存 ♪
♪ I can’t live ♪
♪ 无法给予更多 ♪
♪ Can’t give anymore ♪
或许我想错了
Or maybe I’m wrong.
新年快乐 菲茨赫伯特先生
Happy New Year, Mr. Fitzherbert.
新年快乐 布兰达
Happy New Year, Brenda.
菲茨赫伯特先生 更像是”盯奶变♥态♥”
Mr. Fitzherbert… Tits Pervert, more like.
丹尼尔的上司 总是肆意盯着我的胸部看
Daniel’s boss who stares freely at my breasts…
完全不知道我是谁或是做什么的
with no idea who I am or what I do.
早上好
Morning.
我需要11点前发布那篇《卡夫卡的摩托车》
I need that “Kafka’s Motorbike” release by 11:00.
佩尔佩图阿 稍资深一些
Perpetua… slightly senior…
因此觉得她可以管我
and therefore thinks she’s in charge of me.
大多数时间
Most of the time…
我只想用订书机订她脑袋
I just want to staple things to her head.
广♥告♥宣传部
Publicity.
我只要求…我只要求
All I asked… I only asked…
他休个短假来巴黎
if he wanted to come on a mini-break to Paris…
朱蒂的每日呼叫 她是我的好朋友
Daily call from Jude. Best friend.
布莱特林斯银行的投资主管
Head of investment at Brightlings Bank…
她大部分时间
who spends most of her time…
都待在女厕所里 抱怨她的奇葩男友
trapped in the lady’s toilet, crying over fuck wit boyfriend.
我太粘人了
I’m too needy.
我太依赖他人吗
Am I co-dependent?
你才不呢
No, you’re not.
不是因为你 你很可爱
It’s not you. You’re lovely.
都怪卑鄙的理查德
It’s vile Richard.
他就是个没种的蠢货
He’s just a big knobhead with no knob.
这是某些人对卡夫卡的看法
Is some people’s opinion of Kafka…
但他们大错特错
but they couldn’t be more wrong.
这本书以尖锐的视角
This book is a searing vision…
揭示了本世纪对传统大男子主义
of the wounds our century has inflicted on…
造成的伤害
on traditional masculinity.
是有积极意义的冯内格特式
It’s positively Vonnegut-esque.
感谢您的来电 利维斯教授
Thank you for calling, Professor Leavis.
发布宴会的宾客名单
Guest list for launch party.
刚刚是…F·R·利维斯吗
Was that… F.R. Leavis?
那个写了
The F.R. Leavis…
《大众文明与小众文化》的F·R·利维斯
who wrote “Mass Civilization and Minority Culture”?
那个1978年就去世的F·R·利维斯
The F.R. Leavis who died in 1978?
我靠靠靠靠
太神奇了
Amazing.
与都市家人召开紧急峰会
Emergency summit with urban family…
一起讨论事业危机
for coherent discussion of career crisis.
去他妈的 都去他妈的
Fuck ’em. Fuck the lot of them.
告诉他们去他妈的狗屁利维斯
Tell them they can stick fucking Leavis up their fucking asses.
很好 很好 非常有用
Good, good. That’s very useful, very useful.
沙泽是名记者
Shazzer… journalist…
很喜欢说”去他妈的”
Likes to say “Fuck” a lot.
朱蒂 如果你的助理犯了这样无伤大雅的小错
And, Jude, what would you do if one of your assistants…
你会怎么做
made a harmless little mistake like that?
我会解雇你 布丽姬
I’d fire you, Bridge.
太好了
Excellent.
那个叫克利弗的小子还那么可爱吗
Is that Cleaver chap still as cute as ever?
天啊 是的
Oh, God, yes.
那我觉得一次时机合适的口♥交♥
Then I think a well-timed blow job’s…
或许是最好的解决方式
probably the best answer.
你巴不得呢
Oh, you love it.
你是那个歌♥手吗
Are you that chap that sang that song?
是的 我就是
Yes. Yes, I am.
汤姆 80年代的流行偶像
Tom… Eighties pop icon
只出过一张大热专辑
who only wrote one hit record…
然后就退休了 因为他发现那一张专辑
then retired because he found that one record…
就足够让他在整个90年代都有上不完的床
was quite enough to get him laid for the whole of the Nineties.
-你的歌♥不错 -谢谢 非常感谢
– Great song. – Thank you. Thank you so much.
当然是基佬了
Total poof, of course.
-再来点伏特加 -不了
– More vodka? – No.
要的 给她满上
Yes. Fill her up, God damn it.
至少我现在三十多岁了…
At least now I’m in my thirties…
我的酒量练得很好了
I can hold my drink.
-注意脚下 -她没事 开车吧
– Mind the step. – She’s fine. Drive on.
显然F·R·利维斯要来
Apparently F.R. Leavis is coming.
下午好 布丽姬特
Afternoon, Bridget.
你要去度假是什么意思
What do you mean you’re going on holiday?
那朱莉娅呢
Well, what about Julia?
她一定要去参加葬礼吗
Does she have to go to the funeral?
新邮件
立即读取
你有一则新消息
发件人 丹尼尔·克利弗
主题 严重的问题
你似乎是忘记穿裙子了
裙子是因病旷工了吗
听着 现在有个小问题…
Listen, we got a little problem…
唯一的问题就是厨房♥了
The only problem is the kitchen.
说实话 没地方…
Quite frankly, there isn’t room…
致克利弗先生
Message Mr. Cleaver.
收到来信十分震惊
Am appalled by message.
裙子显然既未生病也未矿工
Skirt is demonstrably neither sick nor absent.
对管理层公然歧视裙子体型表示震惊
Appalled by management’s blatantly size-ist attitude to skirt.
是管理层有问题 而非裙子
Suggest management sick, not skirt!
那太不可理喻了
That’s quite ridiculous.
这样啊
Oh, I see.
稍等 稍等
Hang on. Hang on.
对 没错
Right. Yeah.
不 我明白
No, I understand that.
我完全明白
I understand that perfectly.
开年不顺
Very bad start to the year.
被办公室的聊天软件引诱
Have been seduced by informality of
而后发展为和公♥司♥的老油条打情骂俏
messaging medium into flirting with office scoundrel.
但仍会坚持新年决心 找到一位贴心的意中人
Will persevere with resolution to find a nice sensible man.
不再打情骂俏…明早首要任务
Will put a stop to flirting… first thing tomorrow.
这计划真棒
Good plan.
BGM: Don’t Get Me Wrong by Pretenders
♪ 不要误会我 ♪
♪ Don’t get me wrong ♪
但如果在我办公室外走过
If walking past office…
是为了告诉我裙子的存在
was attempt to demonstrate presence of skirt…
那你完全失败了
can only say that it has failed parlously.
克利弗
Cleave.
闭嘴 我是个重要的大忙人
Shut up, please. I’m very busy and important.
又及 你怎么能如此没有礼貌地性骚扰我
P.S. How dare you sexually harass me in this impertinent manner.
致琼斯
Message Jones.
造成困扰 深表歉意
Mortified to have caused offence.
以后会避免所有此类政♥治♥不正确的话
Will avoid all non-P.C. overtones in future.
万分抱歉
Deeply apologetic.