单身日记：好孕来袭

Right, new birthday resolutions.
我 布丽姬特 受够了这些恋爱
I, Bridget Jones am done with affairs of the heart…
决定将接下来的有生之年都用来追求享乐
and dedicating my autumn years to the pursuit of hedonism.
只和像米兰达一样有着自♥由♥灵魂的新朋友玩
Will hang only with new free spirited friends like Miranda…
当生活变得艰难
and when the going gets tough,
老娘要去享受奢华水疗周末
the tough go on a luxury spa weekend.
搞什么
What the fuck.
喜欢你这双鞋
Love the shoes.
我没告诉你是因为说了你肯定不来
I didn’t tell you, because you wouldn’t have come.
说真的 已经五年了
Seriously, it’s been five years.
你得走出这种
You’ve gotta shake yourself out of this
自我强加的无欲无求的生活
self imposed purge you’ve been in…
自从跟亲爱的马克·达西分手后你一直这样
ever since you split up with your precious Mark Darcy.
胡说 我几乎从不想他
Rubbish. I barely think of him.
你需要的是一场性♥爱♥
What you need is a good shafting.
你需要来一场传统的
You need some good old fashioned,
骨软筋酥 轰轰烈烈的男欢女爱
lie back and think of England bonking…
音乐节就是充满了性♥爱♥的气氛
and festivals are sexual
让所有人像在罪恶之城索多玛和俄摩拉一样放荡
free for alls like Sodom and Gomorrah with tofu.
你遇到的第一个男人 就跟他上♥床♥吧
First man you meet, you’ve gotta sleep with.
-第一个男人 -我不允许你说不
– The first man? – I’m not taking no for an answer.
我去取后台通行证 你去拿份地图
Look, I’m gonna find our backstage passes. You get the maps.
地图
Maps.
我可能有些上年纪 也没穿对衣服
I may be old and inappropriately dressed,
但至少我看起来很美
but at least I look fucking amazing.
就因为这个 我把我的高跟鞋留在家了
That’s exactly why I didn’t wear my heels.
我了个去
Ding fucking dong.
需要搭把手吗
May I?
谢谢
Thank you.
大小正合适
It fits.
布丽姬特
Bridget.
布丽姬特
Bridget.
-那是你邪恶的继母吗 -是的
– Is that your wicked stepmother? – Yes.
我最好在她罚我打扫一整天壁炉之前赶紧回去
I better go before she has me sweeping fireplaces all day.
-谢谢你 -不客气
– Thank you. – You’re welcome.
第二个生日决心
Birthday resolution number two.
要记住 抓住一个男人的心
Must remember the way to a man’s heart
不是要靠美貌 性感或是爱…
is not through beauty, sex or love…
我叫杰克
It’s Jack.
而仅仅需要在泥地里摔个狗吃屎
but merely the ability to fall arse over tit in the mud.
顺口提句
By the way.
好了
Right.
-哪个是我们的 -我们去这边找找
– Which one’s ours? – Let’s try up here.
而且我们不是露营而是豪华野营
And anyway, it’s not camping, it’s glamping.
换种说法也没有让它变得更有意思
Putting a G L in front of it doesn’t make it any better.
叫他「格」阿道夫·希♥特♥勒♥
Calling him Gladolf Hitler wouldn’t
也不会突然让你把所有不快抛之脑后
suddenly make you forget all the unpleasantness.
不是吧
Fuck me!
恩吉
NGochi.
恩吉
NGochi.
恩吉
NGochi.
现在是下午两点半 我应该在家吸尘
It’s 2:30 in the afternoon. I should be Hoovering.
仅限持后台通行证者
太不可思议了 我们应该合个影
This is incredible. We’ve got to get a photo.
不好意思
Excuse me?
可以麻烦你帮我们拍张合影吗
Do you mind if we ask you to take a photo of us?
-没问题 -谢谢
– Yeah, sure. – Thank you.
-准备好了吗 -喂 你在干什么
– Alright. Are you ready? – Hey. What’re you doing?
我在拍照啊
I was taking your photo.
-我以为你俩想合影 -对啊 我俩的合影
– I thought you guys wanted a photo. – Yeah, we do. Of us.
没错 真的抱歉
Yes. Terribly sorry.
我们觉得要是能够
We thought it’d be really fun to get a photo of us…
和后台的这些明星们合影就太棒了
backstage among all these glamorous people.
我觉得那个人演过《淘宝记》
I think that’s the guy from ‘Bargain Hunt’.
-要是你能把他拍进去就好了 -快点啊
– It’d be great if you could get him in the shot. – Quick. Quick.
所以你们不想跟我合影
So you don’t want me in the photo at all?
不想 别这么一副不爽的态度 小可爱
No, and you can lose the attitude, babe.
拍个照就那么难吗
Is it really that difficult?
现在真是什么牛鬼蛇神都能进后台了
They let any old riff-raff backstage nowadays.
我说不好 感觉他有点小帅
I don’t know. I thought he was kind of cute.
看起来还有些眼熟
He looks familiar.
我觉得他是在巴朗的星巴克里工作
I think he works at the Starbucks at Balham.
一 二 三 唱
One, two, three, singing.
我的天
Oh my God.
我就知道 这是星巴克里的那个人
I know. It’s the guy from Starbucks.
人群冲浪
Crowdsurfing.
米兰达
Miranda.
米兰达
Miranda?
米兰达
Miranda?
米兰达
Hey, Miranda.
我的天啊
Oh my god.
不得不承认
I have to admit
真的很有意思
that was fun
你说的没错
and you’re right.
我需要的是一场性♥爱♥
What I need is a good shafting.
一场传统的
some good old-fashioned,
骨软筋酥 轰轰烈烈的
lie back and think of England
男欢女爱
bonking…
你这勾起了我的欲望
It sets me up.
我的天啊
Oh my God,
你在我的帐篷里做什么
what are you doing in my yurt,
还带着你的衣服 行李和个人物品
with all your clothes and luggage and possessions.
对啊 仿佛我就这么占地为王了
Yeah, as if I’ve come in, I made it my own.
等等 是你 黑礁里的那个家伙
Wait, it’s you. The creature from the Black Lagoon.
是我 不好意思
Oh yes, sorry.
你不会真的觉得我会相信
You don’t really expect me to believe that
你不小心走错到我的帐篷里了吧
you accidently crash into my yurt, do you?
既然你都来了
Since you’re here,
我就帮帮你好了
maybe I can help you.
他的确是我遇到的第一个男人
Well, he’s the first man I met.
而且他的帐篷看起来比我的好一万倍
And his yurt is one heck lot of nicer than mine.
布丽姬特 你死哪去了
Bridget, where the fuck are you?
布丽姬特 我醉大发了
Bridget, I’m so pissed!
♪ 人们坠入爱河的方式各有不同 ♪
♪ People fall in love in mysterious ways ♪
♪ 或许这只是天意 ♪
♪ Maybe it’s all part of a plan ♪
♪ 我将继续一错再错 ♪
♪ I’ll just keep on making the same mistakes ♪
♪ 希望你能理解 ♪
♪ Hoping that you’ll understand ♪
♪ So honey now ♪
♪ Take me into your loving arms ♪
♪ Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars ♪
♪ Place your head on my beating heart ♪
♪ I’m thinking out loud ♪
♪ Maybe we found love right where we are ♪
布丽姬特
Bridget,
我在和大歌♥星艾德·希兰玩充气碰碰球
I’m zorbing with Ed Sheeran.
♪ When my hair’s all but gone and my memory fades ♪
♪ And the crowds don’t remember my name ♪
♪ When my hands don’t play the strings the same way ♪
我的天啊
Oh, God.
我刚和一个陌生人睡了
I just slept with a complete stranger.
我和妓♥女♥没两样了
I’m nothing but a feckless prostitute.
不 不 我是一位上了点年纪的淑女
No, no. I’m an elegant older woman
用男人来取悦自己
taking men for my own pleasure.
或者我只是一个被骗炮的中年傻子
Or am I just a deluded middle-aged fool?
不管了
Oh, fuck it.
米兰达
Miranda?
早上好
Good morning.
所以你们做了6个小时
So it lasted six hours?
什么做了6个小时 妈妈
What lasted six hours, mum?
布丽姬特阿姨去看的一场木偶表演
A puppet show that Auntie Bridget went to.
-六小时的木偶表演 -你们好啊
– A six-hour puppet show? – Hello.
跟我说说 是小木偶还是…
Tell me, were they little puppets or…?
大小正好的木偶
Very nice size puppets.
那你…
And did he…
尝到他的”木偶”了吗
put his puppet in your mouth?
天啊 我感觉我已经没机会再看木偶表演了