单身日记：好孕来袭

快了
Closer.
不不 没事的
No, no, that’s fine.
-我们出来了 -护士
– We’re out. – Nurse.
卡萝 卡萝 推轮椅来
Carol, Carol, wheelchair. Wheelchair
-一二三 -好吧 请搬到这来 谢谢
– One two three. – Yes, over here. Please. Thank you.
你还好吗
You okay?
你们谁是孩子的父亲
Which of you is the father?
-我是 -我是
– I am. – I am.
好吧
Right.
把疼痛呼出来
Breathe out the pain.
非常好
Oh, good.
我之前还好奇会来几个爸爸 全员到齐 棒
I was wondering how many fathers we’d get. A full house. Bingo.
布丽姬特 你想怎么生产 无痛分娩
Bridget, how do you want do this? An epidural?
不 你能做到的
No, you can do this.
积极的精神态度要远比任何药物有效
A positive mental attitude is stronger than any drug.
好吗 靠意识来减轻疼痛
Okay? Just think away the pain.
滚他妈的蛋 不 我要全套麻醉
Oh bollocks to that. No, I want everything.
麻醉气 注射麻醉 吗♥啡♥都要
Gas, air, injections, morphine.
-布丽姬特 想想你的瑜伽 -去他妈的瑜伽
– Bridget, remember your yoga. – Fuck yoga.
我简直不能更赞同你的选择了
Oh, I couldn’t agree with you more.
本来现在应该让她放松…
It’s supposed to relax one…
但我却把时间都花在了
but I just spend the entire time clenching
努力夹紧括约肌不让我自己放屁
my sphincter in an effort not to fart.
你能转过来吗 我要检查你的子♥宫♥颈
Can we turn you over? I just need to check your cervix.
你做得非常好 没错 转过来面向我
You’re doing very well. That’s it. Turning around to me.
慢慢来
Gently.
我会在里面翻动一下
Just a little rummage.
准备好了吗 翻动开始
Okay, ready? Rummaging… now.
好了 非常好 你已经开了八厘米了
Yes. Oh, good, good.. You at eight centimeters already.
非常棒 这意味你已经完全不能用麻♥醉♥药♥了
That’s excellent. That means you can’t have any drugs at all.
-什么 -你的宫口已经开得很大了
– What? – You’re too far gone.
干得非常好 宫缩又来了
Well done. Ooh, another contraction.
老实说我并不确定你们两个
I’m not sure how much there is to gain from
直面血淋淋的生产现场能有多大收获
you two being at the coal face if I’m honest.
我前夫说整个过程就好比
My ex-husband said it was like watching
眼睁睁看着他最爱的酒吧烧毁 不过
his favourite pub burn down. So.
你们自己选吧
Your choice.
也许准爸爸应该去给妈妈弄条凉毛巾
Maybe dad should go and fetch mum a cool flannel.
我知道 我知道 乖
I know. I know. Okay.
没事 你能做到的
It’s okay. You can do this.
靠意识来减轻疼痛
Okay, just, think away the pain.
王八蛋
Mother fucker.
靠意识来减轻疼痛吧
Just think away the pain.
你们两个都滚出去
Get out, both of you.
你们要去哪儿
Where are you going?
我改主意了
I’ve changed my mind.
我改主意了
I’ve changed my mind.
你能做到的
You can do this.
你可以的 我们可以一起做到
You can. We can do it together.
想想生活已经给过你多少磨难了
Just think what lifes thrown at you already.
你已经把磨难转化为胜利…
You’ve turned disasters into triumphs…
因为你有纯粹的 喜悦的 不知疲倦的
with your sheer, joyful, indefatigable,
和极富感染力的生命力
infectious lust for life.
你几乎是独自一人
You’ve managed this entire pregnancy
成功度过了整个孕期…
almost entirely on your own…
身边还有一个疯癫的妈 不懂表达爱意的男人
despite a lunatic mother, repressed men and
和配不上你的劈腿男朋友们
cheating boyfriends who don’t deserve you.
再忍♥一会儿
Just a last few moments.
再忍♥最后一会儿 亲爱的
Just a last few moments, my love,
然后你就能见到你漂亮的宝宝了
and then you’ll see your beautiful baby.
如果宝宝不是你的怎么办
What if it’s not yours?
那我也会爱他 就像我无论如何都爱你一样
And I’ll love him anyway, just as I love you.
我爱以前的你 现在的你 以及未来的你
The way you were, the way you are, the way you always will be.
-我想你最好去处理一下那伤口 -谢谢
– I think you better go and have that seen to. – Thank you.
接下来就交给我吧
I’ll handle it from here.
“靠意识来减轻疼痛”
Think the pain away.
你是要把一个人挤出自己的阴♥道♥啊
You’re pushing an entire human being out of your vagina.
我倒想看看他们靠意识来减轻疼痛
I’d like to see them thinking it away.
热烈庆祝格拉夫顿·安德伍德教区议会竞选结果
最后的赢家获得了367张投票…
And, with 367 of the votes…
-获胜者是帕梅拉·玛格丽特·琼斯 -帕梅拉
– the winner is Pamela Margaret Jones. – Pamela,
亲爱的 是布丽姬特
darling, it’s Bridget.
-现在不是时候 科林 -孩子要生了
– Not now, Colin. – It’s about the baby.
在此我宣布帕梅拉·玛格丽特·琼斯…
I hereby declare that Pamela Margaret Jones…
我非常抱歉 但我要先走一步了
I’m so sorry. You’ll have to excuse me.
我马上就要当外婆了
We are about to become a grandmother.
以上就是《时事新闻》特别深夜版的内容
Well, that’s it for the special late night edition of “Hard News”.
-25秒后停播 25秒 -请待命
– 25 seconds to off air. 25. – Standby.
布丽姬特要生了
Bridget’s in labor.
布丽姬特要生了
Bridget’s in labor!!
此外我还想说布丽姬特·琼斯要生了
Except to say Bridget Jones is in labour!
太棒了 念鸣谢品牌
Yes. Run the credits.
-我想当教母 -提醒接下来播《天气预报》
– I hope I’m bloody godmother. – Cue the fucking weather.
听着 我…
Listen I…
我欠你一个道歉
I owe you an apology.
我知道我在这事中做得不是很好
I know I haven’t behaved very well in all of this.
不 没关系
No, it’s okay.
你好啊
Hello.
跟我们的帅儿子打声招呼吧
Say hello to our beautiful boy.
-去吧 -谢谢
– Go ahead. – Thank you.
我们看看这是谁啊
Let’s see who you are.
-他是不是很完美 -当然
– Isn’t he perfect? – Yes.
你们好啊
Hello.
很抱歉我来晚了 布丽姬特
I’m so sorry I’m late, Bridge.
一群蠢货女同性恋要整夜游♥行♥示♥威♥
Some lesbians are having a stupid all night march.
事实上 她们游♥行♥是希望能获得言论自♥由♥
Actually, they’re marching in aid of free speech.
-这是很重要的 -我的天 看看他
– It’s rather important. – My God, look at him.
小布
Bridge.
很抱歉你生完了我们才赶到
I’m so sorry that we weren’t here.
路上有一条长到不可思议的游♥行♥队伍
There’s an unbelievably long march.
-其实游♥行♥是很重要的 -我能当教父吗
– Actually, the march is critical… – Can I be godfather?
我就指望你当教父呢
Oh, I’m depending on you.
-恭喜你们 -干得漂亮
– Oh, congratulations. – Well done.
-干得好 你们两个 -你们仨都是
– Well done, both of you. – To all of you.
她在哪呢
Where is she?
非常抱歉我们没有及时赶到
I’m so sorry we didn’t get here on time.
你♥爸♥去停车了
Daddy’s parking the car.
路上有人为女权游♥行♥示♥威♥
There’s some march for women’s rights.
说实话 我们女人还需要更多的权利吗
I mean, honestly, do we need any more rights?
妈 来看看你的外孙
Mom, meet your new grandson.
太可爱了 他看起来就像…
The darling. He looks just like…
虽然不重要 但…
Not that it matters, but…
知道谁是孩子的父亲了吗
do we know who the daddy is yet?
我们来揭开谜底吧
Shall we find out?
你们两个过来 是时候做个小测试了
Come on, you two. Time for a little test.
真是让人激动啊 不是吗
It’s so exciting, isn’t it?
好像是音乐选秀节目的决赛夜一样
It’s like the final of the X Factor or something.
如果想选马克就按1
Dial 01 if you want it to be Mark
如果想选杰克就按2
and 02 if you want it to be Jack.
-祝你好运 -你也是
– Well, good luck. – You too.
-你先请 -谢谢
– Please. – Thank you.
一年后…
你真美
You look beautiful.
谢谢
Thank you.
你好啊 亲爱的 你好
Hello darling. Hello.
你好
Hello.
你好
Hello.
你好
Hi.
-我们真地要这么做 -现在没有回头路了
– We’re really doing this. – No going back now.
我们欢聚于此是为了庆祝
We are gathered here to celebrate
布丽姬特·萝丝·琼斯和…
the union of Bridget Rose Jones…