单身日记：好孕来袭

但我不想参与你的重塑品牌计划
But I don’t want to be part of your re-branding.
反正我还没找到合适的发型
I haven’t got the right haircut anyway
我也不用果酱罐喝鸡尾酒
and I don’t drink cocktails out of jam jars
也不会在图片墙上发午饭的照片
or post photos of my lunch on Instagram.
大概 做点有价值的事情
And I suppose it’s become unfashionable to care
已经变成了一件很不时尚的事情
about wanting to make something worthwhile.
但是我宁愿保持老套 丢掉工作
But I would rather be old-fashioned and unemployed…
也不愿意成为崇尚愚蠢的节目的一份子
than part of a show that celebrates the inane.
也许等到我的儿子懂事的时候
Then maybe when my boy is old enough to understand,
正直又会变成潮流
integrity will be fashionable again.
我都干了什么
What have I done?
冰箱里没有食物的时候
It’s all very well fighting for your principles
为了原则抗争还真是合适
when there’s no food in the fridge.
再找一份工作能有多难
I mean, how difficult can it be to find another job…
不就是被炒了 且怀有九个月身孕吗
when you’ve just been fired and your nine months pregnant?
不管现在发生什么事
And whatever happens now,
我都要给你买♥♥一辆博格步婴儿车
I’m going to get you one of those bloody Bugaboos.
生日吗
Birthday?
密♥码♥错误
是否再次尝试
否
是
天呐 脑子顺着马桶冲掉了吧
Oh God, brains gone to mush.
第一次上♥床♥
First shag?
抱歉 暂存卡片 请联♥系♥您所在分行
不
No.
该死
Bugger.
真对不起
I’m very sorry.
突然之间 我就一无所有了
I’ve gone all crap, all of a sudden.
好吧
Right.
不不不
No, no, no, no.
操
Fuck.
该死
Bugger.
好吧 新的产前决心
Okay, new pre-birth resolutions.
我 布丽姬特·琼斯 要做世界上最好的妈妈
I, Bridget Jones, am going to be the best mother in the world.
我要尽力不把你丢在商店里
I’m going to try not to leave you in a shop…
或是把你浸在洗衣机里面
or put you in the washing machine
就像报纸上那个女人对她的猫做的那样
like the woman in the newspaper with her cat.
我知道我向你做了保证
Look, I know I made you a promise
在你降生之前 把事情解决清楚
to get things sorted before you got here.
然而事实是 我没做到
Well the truth is, I haven’t,
但是我和你可以一起做到
but you and me can do this together…
因为穿着银光闪闪的盔甲的骑士已经不在了
because knights in shining armour don’t exist any more.
真的不存在了吗
Or do they?
布丽姬特 我的天 你怎么在这 你湿透了
Bridget. Good God, what are you doing there? You’re all wet.
是啊 我把自己锁在门外 把包丢了
Yes, I locked myself out, and left my bag…
还丢了钥匙 手♥机♥ 脑子
Lost my keys, phone, my mind.
你怎么来了
What are you doing here?
看起来我总是能找到拯救世界的时机
It seems I can always find time to save the world,
但你就是我的世界
but you’re my world.
我以为你和坎蒂妲[念珠菌]复合了
I thought you were back with Candida.
-你明明知道她叫卡米拉 -卡米拉
– You know perfectly well her name’s Camilla. – Camilla.
我到你家去找你 发现她在那里
I came round your house to find you, and she was there.
她是来收拾行李的 要回海牙去了
She came to collect her bags. Gone back to The Hague.
只是送她去机场而已
Just taken her to the airport.
谢谢你
Thank you.
布丽姬特
Bridget…
我发现表达自己的感情
You know I find emotional declarations…
很困难
difficult.
但事实是
But the truth is …
我的裤子怎么是热的
Why are my trousers warm?
-一定是我的羊水破了 -上帝
– My waters must have broken. – Oh Jesus.
太抱歉了 我去找块布
So sorry. I’ll get a cloth.
但你不是至少还有两三周才到预产期吗
But you’re not due for another two or three weeks at least.
我开始宫缩了
That’s a contraction.
我觉得我们应该马上去医院
I think we should get to the hospital quickly.
-完全没错 -我们坐你的车去
– Absolutely. – Let’s take your car.
-我是打车来的 -我靠
– I came in a taxi. – Oh, for fucks sake.
我怎么知道要用到车
Well, how was I supposed to know?
不 不是说你 是宫缩
No, not you. The contractions.
不 我们还是开你的车吧
No, we’ll take your car.
开不了 车钥匙和其它东西都在我的包里
We can’t. The car keys are in my bag with everything else.
-五六七八… -专心喘气呼吸还有数数
– Five, six, seven, eight… – Just pant, and breathe, and count.
-九十 -你应该这么做 对吧
– … Nine, ten. – It’s what your supposed to do, isn’t it?
你应该接电♥话♥了 可能是工作上的事
You should get that. It might be work.
-不 不要 -天哪 搞什么鬼
– No don’t! – Oi! What the fuck?
那真是太贴心了 但我们必须叫辆车
That’s really sweet, but we’ve got to call a cab.
该死
Oh, shit.
好吧 我们怎么办
Right, what do we do?
我会想到办法的
I’ll think of something.
詹尼爱车
当心 让开 让开 快让开
Look out. Move, move, move.
我们要去医院 我们要生孩子
We go to the hospital. We’re going to make a baby.
我们走
Let’s go.
上帝 这…
God, this is…
这竟然成真了
This is really happening.
我要当妈妈了 我现在才当也许太老了
I’m going to be a mother. Maybe I’m too old for all this.
等等 你怎么停下来了
Wait, wait. Why’re you stopping?
玛格丽特酒配洋葱和菠萝 十七号♥ 谢谢
A margarita with onion and pineapple. Number 17, thank you.
什么
What?
谁会点洋葱配菠萝啊
Who is ordering onion with pineapple, huh?
林子大了什么鸟都有 对吧
Some people they’re crazy, no?
没错 好吧 我们出发
Yes. Okay. Here we go.
别担心 布丽姬特女士 我们会把你送到
Do not worry, Ms. Bridget. We get you there.
晚上这个时候都不堵车了 没事的
There is no traffic this time of night. It’s okay, eh?
阴♥道♥ 阴♥道♥也有权力
Vagina. Power to the vagina.
上帝 难以置信 是女权主义者在游♥行♥示♥威♥吗
My God. Unbelieveable. Is a bloody women’s rights march.
天哪 别现在啊
Oh gees, not now.
上帝 是我辩护的那群女人
Christ, it’s those women I defended.
是那群可恶的俄♥国♥人 抓住我的手
It’s those infernal Russians. Just hold my hand.
-我们必须赶去医院 -好的
– We really need to get there. – Alright.
-我们必须赶去医院 -好的
– We need to get there. – Alright.
好吧 我们下车
Right, we’re getting out.
-不 我觉得这不是个好主意 -准备好了吗
– No, I don’t think it’s a good idea. – Ready?
不 布丽姬特… 布丽姬特
No, Bridget… Bridget.
-打给杰克 -我会把包送过去的 马克先生
– Call Jack. – I’ll come behind with the bags, Mr. Mark.
我还会打给杰克先生
And I call Mr. Jack.
没事的 布丽姬特 我们会找到方法的
It’s all right, Bridget. We’ll find a way.
我觉得我没法走了
I don’t think I can walk.
没关系 我抱你去
It’s alright. I’ll carry you.
-天哪 布丽姬特 你好沉 -这不怪我
– Good God, Bridget. You’re immense. – I can’t help it.
我觉得我的肺已经塌陷了 但现在重点不是我
I think my lungs collapsed, but this is not about me.
又一轮宫缩要开始了
The contractions are starting again.
-我要在街上生孩子了 -听我说
– I’m going to have the baby in the street. – I tell you what,
-我们先休息十秒再走十秒 好吗 -好吧
– We’ll rest for ten, and we’ll walk for ten. Alright? – Okay.
-没多远了 -是的
– It’s not much further. No.
-我觉得还剩两公里吧 -我觉得不到…
– I think it’s about a mile and a half… to go. – I don’t think…
你还好吗
Are you okay?
-要是我能少说话就更好了 -好的
– It’s probably best if I don’t talk too much. – Yes.
好了 我来了 从这开始让我来吧
Okay, I’m here. Okay. I can…I can take it from here.
-我来了 好了 我抱住你了 -谢谢
– I’m here. Okay. I got this. – Thank you.
天哪
Jesus.
苍天啊
Jesus.
我的亲娘啊
Jesus.
-我来了 -她得两个人抬才行
– I’m here. – This is a two man job.
-抱住她 抱住她 -我抱住她了
– Take her. Take her. – I got her.
天哪 别摔着她
Jesus. Don’t drop her.
-进去就行 -好吧 我们从这进去吗
– Just do it. – Ok, do we get this way?
-不 不是那样 -好的 这次能进去
– No, not that. – Alright, I’ll get it this time.
-好了 -很好 挤进去
– Alright. – Okay, squeeze in.
-你有用力挤吗 -抱住她
– Are you squeezing? – Get her.
-使劲挤 -我在使劲
– Squeeze in. – I’m squeezing.
推
Push.