BJ单身日记2：理性边缘

怎么了
What’s the matter?
我们喝一杯吧
Let’s get a drink.
我去上个厕所 马上回来
I’m going to go to the loo, then I’m going to come back.
然后我们好好聊一聊
And then we’re going to be civilized.
如果你找马克·达西 请在滴声后留言
If you have a message for Mark Darcy, speak after the tone.
马克 我是瑞贝卡 你在吗
Mark, it’s Rebecca. Are you there?
显然不在 可能还和布丽姬特在一起
Obviously not. Probably still out with Bridget.
我希望你们和父母的聚餐顺利
Anyway, I hope lunch with the parents went well.
我相信你还是一如既往地恭敬孝顺 彬彬有礼
I’m sure you were dutiful and very polite, as usual.
随便了 话说回来
Whatever. Anyway, look,
你回家后打给我吧
maybe give me a ring when you get back.
我想顺道过去喝杯睡前酒
I thought I might pop round for a nightcap.
但我猜这可能不是个好主意 布丽姬特可能在那
But I suppose that’s a silly idea. Bridget’s probably there.
晚安
Sleep tight.
老天 又怎么了
Oh, Christ, what now?
你到底是不是和瑞贝卡·吉利斯有一腿
Are you or are you not having an affair with Rebecca Gillies?
我不会回答这么傻的问题
I won’t dignify that question with an answer.
那好
Right.
我只是去了一下厕所
All I did was go to the loo.
布丽姬特
Bridget!
布丽姬特
Bridget.
那不是你的外套
That’s not your coat.
对哦
Oh, right.
布丽姬特 你要干什么
Oh, Bridget, what are you doing?
我在书里读到过一句话 如果你能想到三点
I read that you should never go out with someone
不和对方在一起的理由 那就不该与其交往
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn’t.
-你能想出三个吗 -可以
– Can you think of three? – Yes.
-什么呢 -首先 我让你丢脸
– Which are? – Well, first off, I embarrass you.
我不会滑雪 不会骑马 不会说拉丁语
I can’t ski, I can’t ride, I can’t speak Latin.
我的小短腿就这么点
My legs only come up to here and yes,
而且我永远都会有点胖
I will always be a little bit fat.
而你呢 你上♥床♥前还要折好内♥裤♥
And you, you fold your underpants before you go to bed.
-等等 这不能算是个理由 -好 那不算
– Now, hang on, that can’t be a reason. – No, it’s not a reason.
但是你也并非完美
But you’re not perfect either.
你看不起任何人
You look down your nose at absolutely everyone,
而且你也无法做出
and you’re incapable of doing
任何随性的 或是潜藏爱意的事
anything spontaneous or potentially affectionate.
感觉你像是坐在贵宾室
It feels like you’re waiting to find someone in the VIP room
等待一个天生就完美的人
who’s, who’s so fantastic just the way she is,
你也不用费心去改变她
that you don’t need to fix her.
布丽姬特 你在瞎想什么呢
Bridget, this is mad.
也许你已经找到这个人了
Perhaps you’ve already found her.
你想娶我吗
Do you want to marry me?
听着 我…
Look, I…
你看 你永远不会费尽心力
You see, you can never muster the strength…
来争取我
to fight for me.
真不敢相信我这么做了
I can’t believe I did that.
布丽姬特·琼斯
老姑娘 1972-2050
♪ What do I gotta do to make you love me ♪
♪ What do I gotta do to make you care ♪
♪ What do I gotta do when lightning strikes me ♪
♪ And I wake to find that you’re not there ♪
♪ What do I gotta do to make you want me ♪
♪ What do I gotta do to be heard ♪
♪ And what do I say when it’s all over, babe ♪
♪ And sorry seems to be the hardest word ♪
♪ It’s sad so sad ♪
♪ Why can’t we talk it over, babe ♪
♪ Always seems to me ♪
♪ When sorry seems to be ♪
♪ The hardest word ♪
五周后
Five weeks later.
体重 重得像头猪
Weight: 4,000 pounds.
享受着同时和两个男人交往
I’m enjoying a relationship with two men simultaneously.
第一个叫本 另一个叫杰瑞[冰淇淋品牌]The first is called Ben, the other, Jerry.
现有男朋友数 零
Number of current boyfriends: Zero.
前男友来电数
Number of calls from ex-boyfriend:
您没有任何留言
You have absolutely no messages.
一条都没有 连你老妈的都没有
Not a single one. Not even from your mother.
-你好 -你好 亲爱的
– Hello? – Hello, darling.
你没忘记我们的午餐会吧
I hope you haven’t forgotten our lunch date?
当然忘记了
Of course I forgot it.
-我难过得要死 -别傻了 布丽姬特
– I’m suicidally depressed. – Don’t be silly, Bridget.
12点跟我在德本汉姆碰头
Meet me at Debenhams at twelve o’clock.
老妈 我本以为我们是去吃东西的
Mum… I thought we were going to have something to eat.
有点耐心好吗 我要给你个惊喜 亲爱的
Patience, please. I’ve got a big surprise for you, darling.
-啥 -别说”啥” 要说”请再说一遍”
– What? – Don’t say “What”, say “Pardon”.
-怎么样 -我的天
– What do you think? – Oh, my God.
我和你♥爸♥要结婚了
Daddy and I are getting married.
-你们早就结过了啊 -我们要再结一次
– But you’re already married. – We’re doing it again.
再宣誓一次 你来当伴娘
Reaffirming our vows. You are going to be a bridesmaid,
一切都要是淡紫色
and absolutely everything is going to be lavender.
我说一切的意思是
And when I say everything, I mean…
所有东西
…everything.
老天 我要一辈子打光棍了
Oh, God, I’m never going to get married
而我爸妈居然要结第二次婚
and my sodding mum and dad are doing it twice.
末日将至
♪ No more candlelight No more romance ♪
♪ No more small talk ♪
该死的万事通
Bloody know-it-all.
纽约是个又大又多汁的苹果
New York: The Big, Juicy Apple.
这座城市每天都有新人来来去去 充满新鲜感
The city that never sleeps with the same person two nights running.
全美国我最爱的地方
My favorite place in America,
在这里《欲望都市》并不只是电视剧
where Sex And The City isn’t just a program,
更是承诺
it’s a promise.
早上好 瑞秋
Morning, Rach.
抱歉来晚了
Sorry.
高兴点 小可怜 我有个好消息告诉你
Oh, cheer up, misery guts. I have good news for you.
好啊
Sure, right.
什么好消息 要我采访火箭科学家
What’s the angle? I interview some rocket scientist
让他用X光眼镜把我的裙底看光光吗
while he looks through my skirt with X-ray glasses?
不是
No.
不过这还真是个好主意
Although that is a bloody good idea.
不 其实《风流男导》广受女性观众好评
No. The fact is The Smooth Guide is doing very well with women,
但电视台想让我们扩大收视人群
but the network want us to cast a wider net
找一个美艳女导游
and use a Smooth Guide-ess.
我 和丹尼尔·克利弗
Me? With Daniel Cleaver?
这是合情合理的下一步计划
It’s the next logical step.
我觉得泰国可以是第一站
I think Thailand is first on the list.
不 我不同意这么做
No. I won’t do it.
现在不行 一百万年以后也不行
Not now. Not in a million years from now.
-你说什么 -我是个顶尖的电视新闻记者
– Excuse me? – I am a top television journalist,
不是什么穿比基尼的低俗女郎
not some boorish bint in a bikini.
是吗 对于一个
Really? Strong words from
不知道德国在哪的人来说这话说得挺重啊
somebody who doesn’t know where Germany is.
谁跟你说的
Who told you that?
克利弗 他说他不指望和一个
Cleaver. He said he couldn’t be expected to go out with someone
以为伊朗是大卫·鲍伊的妻子
who thought Iran was David Bowie’s wife,
以及不知道德国在哪的人一起出去
and who didn’t know where Germany was.
丹尼尔·克利弗是一个虚伪
Daniel Cleaver is a deceitful,
性别歧视 令人作呕的人♥渣♥
sexist, disgusting specimen of humanity,
我都不愿和他一起搭车 更别提工作了
that I wouldn’t share a lift with, let alone a job.
拜托 琼斯
Come on, Jones,
我肯定有什么让你欣赏的地方
there must have been something you liked about me.
你有一辆好车
You have a nice car.
不在床上的时候也非常有礼貌
And quite nice manners. Outside the bedroom.
但也差不多就这样了
But that’s about it.
另外 我很清楚德国在哪
And by the way, I know exactly where Germany is.
问题是你知道你的屁♥眼♥在哪里吗
The question is do you know the location of your arsehole?
事实上
As a matter of fact,
我知道我屁♥眼♥的准确位置
I do know the exact location of my arsehole.
也知道她的屁♥眼♥位置
And hers for that matter.
拜托 琼斯 那只是个愚蠢的玩笑
Oh, come on, Jones, it was just a silly joke.
并不好笑
Not a very funny one.
-你说吧 -什么
– Go on, then. – What?
在哪里 德国在哪里
Where is it? Where is Germany?
-法国边上 -还有呢
– Next to France. – And?
还有比利时
And also Belgium…
波兰 还有一条海岸线