BJ单身日记2：理性边缘

天哪
Oh, God.
天哪
Oh, God.
布丽姬特
Bridget.
瑞贝卡
Rebecca.
你怎么会在这里
What are you doing here?
马克没告诉你我们要来吗
Didn’t Mark tell you we were coming?
不 不 他没说
No. No, he didn’t.
其实是我推荐了这个地方
It was actually me who recommended the place.
我从11岁起就来这里了
You know, I’ve been coming here since I was 11.
真的吗
Really?
整整三年啊
Three whole years.
来吧 起来
Come on, up you get.
来吧
Come on.
好了
There you go.
你还好吗
Are you all right?
-还好 挺好的 谢谢 -你确定吗
– Yes, fine, thanks. – You sure?
瑞贝卡怎么也来了
Why is Rebecca here?
天哪 我之前提到我们要来
Oh, God. Well, I mentioned that we were coming
她就说不如他们也一起来
and she said why didn’t they come too,
我总不好拒绝人家 对吧
and I couldn’t very well say no, could I?
来吧 你们俩 我们滑吧 好吗
Come on, you two, let’s crack on, shall we?
这次我先不滑了 你们去吧
Actually, I might just sit this one out. You head on.
我们山下见
See you down there.
你确定吗
You sure?
非常确定 我一会就没事了
Absolutely. I’ll be fine in a minute.
好的 那我们大本营见
Right, I’ll see you at base camp, then.
混♥蛋♥ 我不敢相信他抛下了我
Bastard. I can’t believe he’s left me.
所以浪漫短假变成了律师的聚会
So, romantic getaway has turned into lawyer’s reunion.
我不敢相信我们已经进入组团度假阶段
I can’t believe we’re already into group holidays
才只经历了八周完全无打扰的性♥爱♥
after only eight weeks of total, undisturbed sex.
等一会
Wait a minute…
不 八周
No. Eight weeks?
不可能吧 对吗
It couldn’t be, could it?
完全无打扰的…
Totally undisturbed…
天哪 我怀孕了
Oh, God. I’m pregnant.
我要死了
And I’m going to die!
老天哪
Oh, my God!
我看不见了
I can’t see!
大起伏
Big bump!
快让开
Get out of the way!
这是谁
Who’s this?
一位表现古怪但振奋人心的未知选手
An eccentric but exhilarating performance from a total unknown,
获得了铜牌的成绩
who’s now solidly in position for the bronze.
我想要一个验孕棒 谢谢
I would like a pregnancy test, please.
验孕棒
A pregnancy test.
我是…有可能…
Ich bien, er, possibly…
带着宝宝
mit baby.
孩子 我躺着…
Kinder! I am on back…
他…
and he, er…
做了爱 和我
maken ze lieben, er, with me.
她怀孕了
不 不 不 不是怀孕
Oh, no! No, no, not pregnant.
她是肚子胀
不 不 不
Oh, no. No, no.
-安全套 -不 不 不
– Condom? – Nein. Nein, nein.
可能像这样 但也有可能像这样
Maybe like this, but maybe like this.
我觉得她有心理问题
没有药能帮得了她
听着 我是个女生 我遇到了一个男生
Look, I’m a girl and I met a boy.
女生 我遇到了一个男生
Fraulein, and I met frau… boy.
有可能现在有宝宝了
And possibly now mit baby, uh-huh?
好的 等待真♥相♥揭晓的时刻
Right, moment of truth awaits.
如果我怀孕了怎么办
What if I am pregnant?
我一定不能期望太高
I must try not to get hopes up too high.
又有男朋友又有宝宝似乎也太幸运了
Boyfriend and baby seems just too lucky.
布丽姬特
Bridget?
我一直在到处找你
I have been looking everywhere for you.
我以为你摔断了腿还是什么的
I thought you’d broken a leg or something…
天哪
Oh, God.
-你不是… -有可能
– You’re not…? – I might be.
-如果我有了怎么办 -我想我会…
– What if I were? – Well, I suppose I’d…
坦白地说
To be quite frank,
如果是真的简直太棒了
it’d be bloody fantastic.
比计划稍微提前了些
I mean, if a little ahead of schedule.
你真的怀孕了吗
Are you really pregnant?
给验孕棒三分钟时间
Well, give it three minutes.
你喜欢儿子还是女儿
What do you fancy? Boy or a girl?
我不知道 这不重要
I dunno, it doesn’t matter.
虽然我一直幻想着能有个儿子
Although, I suppose I’ve always had the fantasy of a son.
-迷你版马克·达西 -或者叫哈克
– Another Mark Darcy. – Or maybe something like Huck.
或者里弗 或起个好听的犹太名 比如诺亚
Or River. Or some fabulous Hebrew name like Noah.
我可以教他打板球和橄榄球
Anyway, I could teach him to play cricket and rugby
在圣安得烈节去伊顿公学看他
and visit him at Eton on St Andrew’s Day.
伊顿公学
Eton?
是的
Yes.
达西家族五代男丁都上伊顿公学
The Darcy men have been going to Eton for five generations.
我不会让孩子上寄宿学校
Well, my son’s not going to be sent away from home.
尤其不会送去法♥西♥斯♥学校
Especially to some fascist institution
给孩子灌输呆板的思想
where they stick a poker up your arse
让他们一辈子做顽固不化的呆头鹅
that you’re never allowed to remove the rest of your life.
我明白了
I see.
-我不是说你 -不 当然不是
– I didn’t mean you. – No, of course not.
那你的想法呢 让孩子一直和爸妈睡
So what’s the alternative? Sleeping in his parents’ bed,
母乳喂养到青春期
breastfeeding until he’s a teenager
去一些进步教育学校念书
and some progressive school,
整天唱着《黄色潜水艇》[披头士乐队歌♥曲]where the day is spent singing Yellow Submarine,
没事练习手♥淫♥吗
and practicing crude masturbation?
你说得完全正确
Oh, you’re absolutely right.
让一个孩子上喜欢的学校
It’s madness to allow a child
或和父母住在一起真太愚蠢了呢
to enjoy his education or live with his parents.
愚蠢的是连商量屁大点事
What would be madness is to have a child at all
都要彼此大呼小叫的父母
if his parents can’t have a slightest discussion about anything
还嚷嚷着想要孩子
without one of them shouting at the other.
-没怀上 -没怀上
– It’s negative. – Negative.
-真糟糕 -是啊 真糟糕
– That’s too bad. – Yes, very sad.
《公♥司♥与市场》
也许我们明天应该一起吃午饭
Perhaps we should go out for lunch tomorrow.
好冰释前嫌
Get out of the grump.
理论上是个好想法 但你安排了家庭聚会
That’s a good idea in theory, but you made a family arrangement.
老天
Oh, God.
亲爱的
Darlings!
我想到个好主意 邀请你父母一起参加
I’ve had the fabulous idea of inviting your parents.
我妈的另一项烹饪手艺
Another one of Mother’s culinary triumphs.
就是把每样东西都做成迷你尺寸
Everything in miniature.
来个迷你糖饼吧 达西上将
Mini treacle tart, Admiral Darcy?
不用了 谢谢 迷你葡萄干布丁已经让我饱了
No, no, thank you. The mini spotted dick rather finished me off.
那么 马克 布丽姬特
So, Mark, Bridget,
你们小两口定好日子了吗
when are you two lovebirds going to name the day?
布丽姬特 你肯定想听到礼堂的钟声
Come on, Bridget, you must want to hear those ding-dong bells.
我们还没有考虑过这个问题
Well, we’re certainly not thinking about that yet.
对吧 布丽姬特
Are we, Bridget?
对啊 老天 还没
No. God, no.
当然还没有
Of course not.
好 这个话题聊完了
Good. Well, that’s sorted.
对了 上将 在大洋上航行是什么感觉
So, Admiral, out on the high seas. How was it?
-你说的那件事是认真的吗 -什么事
– Did you mean that thing you said? – What thing?
-你知道什么事 -不 我不知道什么事
– You know what thing. – No, I don’t know what thing.
就是”那”件事
The thing thing.
我们来捋捋 今天说了很多事
Now, let’s see, there are any number of things, um…
整个下午聊了各种事
in an afternoon full of all sorts of things,
所以我
so I, um…
就是你说你还没有
The thing where you said you’re not, um…
还没有 甚至都没有考虑过
That you’re not, not even thinking about, um…