BJ单身日记2：理性边缘

新的一年 崭新的一本日记
Another year, a brand new diary.
我又一次不情愿地 被召唤去参加了
Once again I was summoned, kicking and screaming,
我母亲的咖喱火鸡自助餐会
to my mother’s turkey curry buffet,
之前我在这种场合有过不少丢人经历
where I’ve had some of the most shaming experiences of my life.
你好啊 亲爱的
Hello, darling.
见到你太好了
Lovely to see you.
像往常一样 家里挤满了
It was, as usual, crammed full
全英国最危险的变♥态♥
with some of the most dangerous perverts in the UK,
他们伪装成我父母的亲密好友
disguised as close, personal friends of my parents.
-你好 布丽姬特 -你好 乌娜
– Hello, Bridget. – Hello, Una.
-不了 谢谢 -毛衣不错啊
– Oh, no, thanks. – Love the jumper.
-我更喜欢毛衣底下的内容 -乔弗里叔叔
– I prefer what’s underneath it. – Uncle Geoffrey!
-你好 美女 -你好
– Hello, gorgeous. – Hello.
-你好 亲爱的 -你好 爸爸 还好吗
– Hello, darling. – Hello, Dad. How’s it going?
生不如死
I wish I was dead.
但今年有一个巨大的不同
But this year, there was one crucial difference.
-毛衣不错 -我母亲的品味永不过时
– Nice jumper. – My mother’s taste never falters.
没错
Never.
人们总会好奇
You always wonder how it’s
故事的结尾会是什么样
going to work out at the end of the story.
玛丽亚和冯·特拉普上尉
Maria and Captain Von Trapp,
白雪公主和七个小矮人
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs,
马克·达西和布丽姬特·琼斯
Mark Darcy and Bridget Jones.
我最终拥有了幸福结局
I’ve found my happy ending at last.
世上没有任何东西可以破坏它
And nothing in the world can spoil it.
几乎没有吧
Well, almost nothing.
布丽姬特·琼斯 你♥他♥妈♥在干什么
Bridget Jones, what the fuck are you doing?
我看不到可着陆的地方
I, I can’t see anywhere soft to land.
落在你的肥臀上怎么样
How about on your arse?
布丽姬特 除非你想在两千米的高空被炒鱿鱼
Bridget, unless you want to get sacked at 6,000 feet,
否则3秒后就给我跳下去
you will be on your way in exactly three seconds.
三 二 一 切到布丽姬特
Three, two, one… cue Bridget.
高空跳伞
Skydiving,
是对乡村和急救服务的祸害
a dangerous bane to the countryside and emergency services,
还是一项安全刺♥激♥的爱好
or a safe and exhilarating hobby?
我们试试看 好吧
Well… let’s see, shall we?
快点 跳
Go. Jump.
我的天啊 快跳
For Christ’s sakes, go!
-好 她跳下去了 二组看到她了吗 -看到了
– OK, she’s out. Unit Two, you got her? – OK, we see her.
布丽姬特 打开降落伞
Bridget, open the chute.
快打开
Open it.
快他妈打开降落伞啊
Open your fucking parachute!
快拉开 要不你死定了
Pull the thingy or you will die!
说实话 不就是忘了那么一点点细节
Honestly, you forget just one teeny, weeny detail
大家怎么都把你当傻子看
and everyone treats you like an idiot.
♪ Nobody does it better ♪
BJ单身日记2
理性边缘
♪ Makes me feel sad for the rest ♪
♪ Nobody does it ♪
♪ Half as good as you ♪
♪ Baby, baby ♪
♪ Darling, you’re the best ♪
♪ Baby, you’re the best… ♪
我说到哪了 对了 马克·达西
Where was I? Oh, yes… Mark Darcy.
问题是 你走入余晖后发生了什么
The question is: What happens after you walk off into the sunset?
布丽姬特 呼叫布丽姬特·琼斯
Bridget? Earth to Bridget Sodding Jones.
布丽姬特 到你了 正在直播
Bridget, you’re on. You’re live.
我是《早安不列颠》的布丽姬特·琼斯
Well, this is Bridget Jones for Sit Up Britain,
在大粪池里向您报道
reporting to you from a big vat of excrement.
二组 给猪来一个特写镜头
Unit Two, give me a close-up of the porker.
谁在乎这些工作上的奇怪小问题呢
Who cares about the odd professional hiccup?
事实上 我已经与一位成年男性
The fact is I’ve been in a functional relationship
成功交往了美妙的6周
with an adult male for six wonderful weeks,
精彩的4天零7个珍贵的小时
four fabulous days and seven precious hours.
或换句话说 令人迷醉的71次性♥爱♥
Or to put it another way, 71 ecstatic shags.
他不再傲慢无礼 我也戒了烟
He’s given up being snooty, and I’ve given up smoking.
♪ Loving you… ♪
反正他以为我戒了
Well, he thinks I have anyway,
差不多是一回事
which is practically the same thing.
马克·达西完美无缺
Mark Darcy is perfect.
不是蠢货 酗酒狂 工作狂 变♥态♥或自大狂
Not a fuckwit, alcoholic, workaholic, pervert or megalomaniac,
而是性♥爱♥高手以及一名人♥权♥律师
but total sex god and human rights lawyer.
他确实是一个奇迹
He is a miracle, really.
布丽姬特 能停了吗
Bridget, will you stop?
别再盯着我睡觉了 去找点事情做
Stop staring at me when I’m asleep. Go and find something to do.
抱歉
Sorry.
所以如你们所见 最棒的就是
So, as you can see, the incredible truth is
荒凉岁月结束了
the wilderness years are over.
布丽姬特·琼斯再也不是爱情的弃儿了
Bridget Jones is a love pariah no more.
早安 布丽姬特 又迟到了
Morning, Bridget. Late again.
是的 抱歉
Yes. Sorry.
我和男朋友在床上耽搁了
I was in bed with my boyfriend.
他是一名人♥权♥律师 知道吗
He’s a human rights lawyer, you know.
是的 我们都知道
Yes, we know.
我简直不敢相信昨晚的云雨多么美妙
I cannot believe how fantastic shagging was last night.
或许我该打给他
Maybe I’ll ring him.
不行
No, no…
显然 告诉男朋友
Obviously it’s important to
他赤身裸体很帅是件重要的事
tell one’s boyfriend how nice he looks naked,
但我还有重要的未来普利策奖得主的新闻要报道
but I have crucial, Pulitzer Prize winning journalism to do.
喂
Hello?
是我 想问问你好吗
It’s me. Just wondered how you are.
我很好 谢谢 你一切都好吗
I’m fine, thanks. Everything all right with you?
很好 就是
Fine, though, er…
我刚生动地回想起了昨晚的云雨
I’ve just had a rather graphic shag flashback.
你的屁♥股♥真是美极了
And you do have a genuinely gorgeous bottom.
谢谢
Thank you.
我其实正和墨西哥大使
I’m actually with the Mexican ambassador,
国♥际♥特♥赦♥组织的主席
the head of Amnesty International
贸易工商部的副部长在一起
and the Undersecretary for Trade and Industry.
我还开了免提
And you’re on speakerphone.
好吧 那…
Right, well…
我其实也正在忙重要的事…
I’m actually quite busy with important stuff too…
布丽姬特 我们还等着那卷快乐仓鼠汤姆的带子呢
Bridget, we’re waiting for that tape about Tom, the happy hamster.
-好了 我结束之后再回你 -好极了
– Look, I’ll call you when I’ve finished. – Excellent.
理查德因为糟糕的高空跳伞报道要见你
And Richard wants to see you about that crap skydiving report.
该死
Oh, fuck.
天啊 我的职业生涯要结束了吗
Oh, dear. Is this the end of my career?
不 不可以
No, it can’t be.
我会努力挽救
I will fight this.
我是一名诚实而正直的记者
I am a journalist of the highest standards and integrity.
布丽姬特·琼斯在大粪池里向您报道
This is Bridget Jones reporting to you from a big vat of excrement.
听我说 我从未说过我可以跳伞 我还恐高
Look, I never said I could skydive and I’m terrified of heights,
所以我很难集中精力
so it was really hard to concentrate.
闭嘴吧 布丽姬特 领导很喜欢
Be quiet, Bridge. They loved it upstairs.
很喜欢
Loved it.
他们希望为你再安排一个固定节目
And they want us to come up with another regular spot for you.
我的天 真是…
Oh, my God. That’s…
-我不会让你失望的 理查德 -没错
– I won’t let you down, Richard. – Precisely.
…朋友们 这句箴言就是
…my friends? Motto was
丹尼尔·克利弗
“入乡随俗”
“When in Rome,do as many Romans as you can.”
但如果你的品味更加高级小众
But if your tastes are marginally more highbrow than that,
我还有一些建议
I also have tips.
不要去古罗马公共集♥会♥场所 还有斗兽场
Forget the Forum, definitely forget the Coliseum,
现在不允许屠♥杀♥基♥督♥徒了 还有什么乐趣
no fun at all now they don’t allow to slaughter Christians any more.
别去西斯廷教堂
Forget the Sistine Chapel,
那是历史上首个让室内设计师发疯的建筑
first example in history of a poof interior designer gone mad…
丹尼尔·克利弗怎么上电视了
What is Daniel Cleaver doing on the television?
这节目叫《风流男导》 “让文化更易接受”
It’s called The Smooth Guide. “Making culture bearable”.
…有请既安静
…equally serene and
又美丽的乔瓦娜·达布拉奇教授
equally beautiful Professor Giovana Dabrache.
我认为她会向我展示对折画
Who, I believe, is about to show me her diptych.
还是那个讨厌鬼
Same old creep.
真可惜