机器管家

这就是冲突 你得学着面对这种事
Thank you for choosing North Am Robotics.
谢谢选用北安机器人
So we need a new regimen. Regimen, sir?
我们得拟定一套新的计划 计划 主人
First off all, you’ll spend part of each day making something.
第一 我要你每天 花点时间来创作
So as not to offend humans, we’d better find…
为了不触怒别人 我们会找样
something that’s not overly artistic.
不太有艺术性的东西来做
Could you make other things? I could teach you my line of work…
你会做其它的东西吗 我可以教你怎么做我的工作
you know, timepieces and clocks and so on.
就是像钟表这类的东西
One could not tell you, sir. One has never attempted such things.
在下不知道 在下从来没做过这种事
Well, you will now.
你现在得试试看了
Also, you’ll spend part of each evening in instruction with me.
每晚我要花点时间帮你上课
And what is the purpose of this instruction? To teach you, Andrew.
为什么要上课 为了要教你那些
to teach you all the things that haven’t been programmed into you.
你系统中没有设定的事
Andrew, you’re unique.
安德鲁 你很特别
Unique? Thank you for choosing North Am Robotics.
特别 谢谢选用北安机器人
And I feel a responsibility to help you…
我有责任要帮助你
become whatever you’re able to be.
发挥你的潜力
And what is one able to be?
在下有什么潜力
Well, I don’t know.
我不知道
See, people grow through time.
人的年纪随时间增长
But then, of course, for you, time is a completely different proposition.
当然对你来说 时间的意义完全不同
For you, time is endless. Endless?
对你而言 时间是无穷无尽 无穷无尽的
Is this a good piece? Very.
这块好吗 非常好
What about this one? Excellent.
那这块呢 好极了
And, nine months later, a baby is born.
过了九个月后… 宝宝就诞生了
And those, Andrew, are the so called facts of life.
这就是所谓的生命的真相
People actually do this, sir?
先生 人们真的会这么做吗
Well, yes. And married people
是的 在下想已婚夫妻
one supposes they see it as some kind of requirement or obligation.
应该视其为某种义务或责任吧
Well, it it’s not exactly an obligation, Andrew.
这个嘛… 也不能说是义务啦
That’s a relief.
这倒是令在下松一口气
And it is the natural and preferable way to conceive children. Sir,
这是传宗接代最自然的事 主人
off all these millions of sperm, only one makes it?
这么多精子中 只有一个能成功授精吗
That’s true.
没错
What happens to the others?
那其它的呢
Well, they die.
其它的会死
They die?
死掉
One feels badly for them.
在下真为它们难过
Well, one does.
没错
But it’s completely agreed that it feels good.
但大家都认为这么做很舒服
For both parties, sir?
双方面都这么认为吗
In an ideal world.
理想状态下是的
So people do it rather frequently. How often, sir?
所以人们常做 多经常?
Well, as often as they can, matter of fact.
有机会就做 应该是这样
At least at first.
至少一开始是如此
Sir, may one speak frankly with you?
主人 在下可以老实说吗
As always, Andrew.
当然
It’s just that the whole process…
这整个过程听起来似乎…
it sounds so messy.
听起来很恶心
I think that’s a fair comment.
你这倒是可观的评论
They die.
剩下的都死掉
Isn’t it? What?
不是吗 是什么
It’s called “humor. ” ” Humor”?
这是幽默 幽默?
Yes. People tell jokes to make each other laugh.
没错 人们说笑话逗别人笑
And this laughter gives pleasure, sir?
笑会让人愉快 是吗
Yes.
是的
Sir, could you teach one to tell a joke?
主人能不能教在下怎么讲笑话
Well, I let’s see. Um
让我想想看…
Two drunks walk into a bar.
两名醉鬼走进一间酒吧
Wouldn’t two drunks walk out of a bar, sir?
醉鬼不是应该要走出酒吧吗
You walk into a bar to drink, and you come out drunk.
去酒吧是要喝酒 喝醉了就要出来
Let’s try something simpler, Andrew. Um
我们从简单的开始好了
Knock knock. ” Knock knock”?
叩 叩 叩 叩
No, knock knock, someone’s at the door.
不 敲门声是表示有人在门外
Shall one get it, sir? No, no. No.
要在下去开门吗 不
Y You say, “who’s there,” Andrew.
安德鲁 你要问是谁啊
Who’s there, Andrew? No, just “Who’s there?”
安德鲁是谁 不 只要问是谁啊
One does not know, sir.
可是在下不知道啊
Let’s start with something a little simpler, Andrew.
我们还是从简单的开始吧
Why did the chicken cross the road?
鸡为什么要过马路
One does not know, sir. Possibly a predator was behind the chicken.
在下不知 也许因为被追杀吧
Or, possibly, there was a female chicken on the other side, if it’s a male chicken.
也许对面有只母鸡 公鸡才会想过马路
Or possibly a food source or, depending on the season, it might be migrating.
也许是有吃的 或是在进行季节性迁徙
One hopes there’s no traffic.
希望路上没有车
To get to the other side.
是因为想到对面去
“To get to the other side.”
因为想到对面去
Why is that funny?
这有什么好笑
So, what do you kids have planned for the day?
你们今天想做什么
Probably stick with Andrew.
我今天要跟安德鲁玩
What about you, Miss?
那你呢 小姐
I’m gonna go play at my friend Natalie’s house.
我要去朋友家玩
May one, sir? Is now a good time?
在下可以吗? 现在适合吗
What? A good time for what?
什么? 适合什么
Last night, Sir taught one.
昨晚主人教在下…
No, no, no. Don Don’t blame me, Andrew. Just go ahead.
别怪在我头上 有话就说
Thank you, sir.
谢谢你 先生
Two cannibals were eating a clown.
两个食人族在吃小丑
One turns to the other and says, ” Does this taste funny to you?”
一个人问同伴 吃起来有没有怪怪的
How do you make a hanky dance? Put a little boogie in it.
怎要才能让手帕跳舞? 放点轻快的音乐
What is a brunette between two blondes? Translator.
两名金发女郞中的褐发女郞叫什么 翻译员
Do you know why blind people don’t like to skydive? It scares their dogs.
盲人为什么不喜欢高空弹跳? 导盲犬会怕
A man with dementia is driving on the freeway.
一名老年痴呆症患者 在公路上开车
His wife calls and says, “Sweetheart,
他太太打手机给他 “老公
I heard there’s someone driving the wrong way on the freeway. ”
我听说 有人在高速公路上逆向开车”
He says, “One? There’s hundreds!”
不只一个 他说 有好几百个呢
What’s silent, smells like worms? Bird farts.
什么东西没有声音 闻起来有虫的味道 小鸟放的屁
It must have been an engineer who designed the human body.
人体一定是由工程师设计的
Who else would put a waste processing plant next to a recreation area?
否则还有谁会把 排泄和生殖器官放在一起
A woman goes into a doctor’s office.
一位太太走进诊所
The doctor says, ” Mind if I numb your breasts?”
医生问 “我可以麻醉你的乳房吗?”
“Not at all.” “Num num num num num.”
“没问题” (吮吸的声音)
One did it, sir.
在下成功了
Andrew, it was fine, but we might want to talk about…
讲的很不错 不过我们得好好讨论一下…
appropriateness and, um and timing.
讲笑话的场合和时间
It’s 10:15, sir.
现在是10点15分 主人
Oh, Andrew. Little Miss.
安德鲁 你来啦 二小姐
Would you like me to teach you how to play a duet?
要不要我教你弹二重奏
Certainly. Come on.
好啊 过来吧
Okay, ready?
准备好了吗?
You start here, and then just follow me.
你从这里开始 然后跟我弹
I play first, okay? All right.
我先来 好
Ready?
准备好了吗?
Your turn.
轮到你了
Good.
很好
Very good. Now together.
非常好 一起来
That was wonderful. Thanks.
精彩的合奏 谢谢
Thank you, Little Miss.
谢谢你 二小姐
Hi, Mom.
嗨 妈
Grace, is it possible for you to find somewhere more private to do that?
葛瑞丝 你能不能 别在大庭广众下这样
No problem.
没问题
Just give me your credit disc and we’ll get a hotel room.
把你的信用光碟给我 我们就可以去旅馆
What did you say to me?
你说什么
Let’s go.
我们走吧
What did you say to me, young lady?
你刚刚说什么
You get off that bike this minute, and you are grounded!
你给我下来 你被禁足了
Get Go on! Get out of here, you piece of scum!
滚开 你这个人渣
Richard?
理察
Does this look right? Hi, Mom.
这样对不对 嗨 妈
Didn’t you talk to her about that boy?
你有没有跟她讨论过 那个男孩的事
Mmm, well, not yet.
还没有
But I will.